Does it bother you when someone doesn't like you?

[Teacherbee85]

So, I think probably most people wouldn't care about this and think it's ridiculous that I do.

There's a dance class I've been going to for a while and a new girl started a few months ago. I know her because I used to work with her - not in the same department but our paths crossed regularly and all was fine.

I made a point of saying hello, being friendly the first couple of times I saw her at the class. Just because I think it would have been weird not to - we know each other. But we both go to the class with our separate groups of friends.

Now, whenever she's at class she totally blanks me. We got put in the same group of about 10 to choreograph a dance last week and she acted like I didn't exist.

So - I've come to the conclusion that for whatever reason she doesn't like me. I have no idea why. It bugs me so much! I would never say anything but it's taking up space in my mind that I could really do without. We're not friends, she doesn't work at my work anymore either.

Why does this bother me so much? Am I being ridiculous? How can I stop thinking about it?

Does she interact with others there in your group and not you? She may just be an introvert with a social anxiety wanting to dance with her friends and then go home.

Not really. I don't like other people, so it would stand to reason that other people would not like me.
Find your tribe.

I think it bothers me more in a situation like yours where you kind of know them and you can’t think why they wouldn’t like you. However I wouldn’t really think about it much outside of the dance class. in your shoes I’d probably keep trying to be nice for a while then give up and match her vibe and act as though she doesn’t exist either! I play sport and there are a few that I don’t really gel with and it’s fine, we are all there to play the sport so get on with and go home!

I had something similar. I was doing a course and a woman on the course, that I'd never spoken to, also worked at the same place as me. When she saw me she would duck and run out of the room.

I have no idea what her problem was but I didn't think it had anything to do with me. I just blanked her back and forgot about it.

It happens to me, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest but I am puzzled more than anything.

I do sometimes wonder if it’s that thing going on - you know if someone has been unkind to you in the past, even way back in childhood, and then you meet someone who just looks similar?

I’ve had to give myself a talking to on occasion, when subconsciously my brain has disliked someone new - only to see that actually they are lovely - and ate not that other person.

I’m a very sociable, likeable and kind person. I get on with most people and even if someone is a bit off, I give them a chance. Therefore it really bothers me too when people don’t like me, despite having lots of wonderful friends who do.

we are meant to be sociable, it’s normal to care. Don’t criticise yourself for it!

No, I also hate small talk, so I’m the sort of person who would hope a vague ex colleague ignored me at a class.

In real life, not really if they aren't actively rude. I don't 'like' everyone either but I can get on and be polite. However, there was one girl in my gym class, never met her and don't know her, who looked at me like I was something she'd stepped in and glared when she was pointed my way. I do wonder what that was about.

No, she would say hello if I delicately went to speak to her but it's like she would never catch my eye now and deliberately doesn't look at me.

I'm the same! But I really want to not care!

I don't like other people,

What? No-one at all @XenoBitch?
Do you live on your own and work on your own?

It would bother me in your situation too. I’d wonder if she thought I was trying to be friends rather than just being polite and friendly. And her blanking you is to put a stop to that idea.

Yeah I've not been bothering the last wee while as it's obvious she doesn't want to be friendly. It just bugs me as it was MY hobby first!!!

Not any more no. It used to when I was younger but the older I get the less it bothers me.

Mumsnet has helped in a way. There are people on here who make all sorts of odd judgements about random stuff. I'm not going to bother myself worrying why someone might not like me as long as I'm happy I've treated them with respect. Judging by this place it could be something entirely random like telling them they look well or turning off the blue ticks on your WhatsApp.

No. She would see me and literally run away. It was very strange.

If I went somewhere I knew someone even if we weren't socialising in the same group of friends I would definitely give them a small wave or say a quick hello whilst walking past them. I definitely wouldn't just ignore them, no.

It's a useful filtering process. You don't have time to be friends with everyone, so you don't need everyone to like you.

Also, it's probably more likely that she just feels awkward, wanted to be relatively anonymous at the class and doesn't want to make small talk with an ex colleague.

I don't think so, it was really just basic chit chat whilst we were standing in the queue to get in (and she had no choice but to acknowledge me!)

Yeah maybe. It's not like I want to be firm friends with her either, just thought the odd hello would be normal.

I don't know why it makes me feel so uncomfortable!

I need to be more like you!