Does it bother you when someone doesn't like you?

[Teacherbee85]

So, I think probably most people wouldn't care about this and think it's ridiculous that I do.

There's a dance class I've been going to for a while and a new girl started a few months ago. I know her because I used to work with her - not in the same department but our paths crossed regularly and all was fine.

I made a point of saying hello, being friendly the first couple of times I saw her at the class. Just because I think it would have been weird not to - we know each other. But we both go to the class with our separate groups of friends.

Now, whenever she's at class she totally blanks me. We got put in the same group of about 10 to choreograph a dance last week and she acted like I didn't exist.

So - I've come to the conclusion that for whatever reason she doesn't like me. I have no idea why. It bugs me so much! I would never say anything but it's taking up space in my mind that I could really do without. We're not friends, she doesn't work at my work anymore either.

Why does this bother me so much? Am I being ridiculous? How can I stop thinking about it?

I don't work, and I live alone.
I have spent my whole life trying with people... people suck.
I do have friends (and a DP), but I as I get older, I am getting better at setting boundaries.

Honestly, in that situation I really wouldn't care / neigh notice. I'd go an enjoy my dance class. If someone I vaguely knew was indifferent I'd just mirror their indifference and get on with my life.

Or, incase they were shy, I'd be very confident and friendly on one occasion - as I'm ballsy enough to break the ice.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if they didn't like me though. Why should it?

So you like some people then.
I don't dislike someone unless I have reason to.

As a younger person it would have bothered me. Now I’m older I can honestly say I don’t care. You can’t like everyone and vice versa, I’m fine with that.

No, she would just run off. This wasn't on the course, this was at work, she would just run out of the room. I used to smile at her and say hello, but she would just blank me.

Not any more. I'm at peace with myself and who I am and know that I won't please everyone, and that occasionally people may decide I'm not a person they're interested in. As it happens everyone I like and am interested in reciprocates, so the few who don't don't matter. This has been a long time coming though.

It would but then it wouldn't ☺️ it's a natural gut instinct to want to be liked but I find that down the line, the people that don't warm to you, aren't people you want in your life anyway. I am in my thirties now and my feelings wouldn't be hurt by this

It was a graduate course so we were all in a big auditorium so she just sat as far away from me as possible (I assume).

Work was different in that we moved in and out of different offices all day, so she didn't get up from her desk and flee, she would just leave the room. I doubt anyone really noticed.

No four of my neighbours don't like me couldn't give a fuk no concern over my life I still make money

Nope, doesn't bother me. Kill them with kindness, never be anything other than friendly or polite and move on. At least in your particular case you have no real reason to interact.

It bothers me when people don't like me. I then get to feel bad about not being liked and then bad again because I feel I shouldn't. Part of it is that I like almost everyone and see the good in complicated people. Someone has to be verging on evil for me to dislike them. Maybe I need to realise some people have a different bar to disliking people and being disliked doesn't make me a kitten drowner.

OP I am old and I have wasted too much of my life worrying about people liking me. It's one of the deep, deep joys of age that I no longer give one single fuck.

I live in a small village and there was a local mum I’d say hi to occasionally. Then we saw each other out socially and she completely ignored and blanked me, and k thought “why doesn’t she like me 😢”.

then our daughters got older and became friends and we started having play dates… turns out she is ND (and lovely) And has told me a few times now how she struggles with social cues and interaction. I would never have known until I really got to know her.

I love this. And will try to take it on board. I don't want to care so much!

She would look at me, I would smile and she would leave the room every time I saw her. I eventually just blanked her back.

Personally I rather enjoy it. I have a warped sense of humour so if it’s someone i know has absolutely no reason to dislike me I quite enjoy being extra nice to them.

If it’s someone I also don’t like I really enjoy completely blanking them also which can infuriatingly mean in the long run they start to try and make me like them 🤦🏻‍♀️

The best fun I have though is winning round those who act like they don’t like me but who I rather like and I know it will be based on an idea of me rather than the reality. So in those situations I play slowly slowly catchy monkey and win them round eventually. Those people always end up being my best friends.

Totally agree

No because I don't own their thoughts, but also people can still not dislike someone and not interact with them

I don't assume people don't like if they don't bother with me as I don't interact with others all the time either

I used to care whether people liked me. Then reached 45 and could not care less now.

Don’t let her get to you.