Does it bother you when someone doesn't like you?

[Teacherbee85]

So, I think probably most people wouldn't care about this and think it's ridiculous that I do.

There's a dance class I've been going to for a while and a new girl started a few months ago. I know her because I used to work with her - not in the same department but our paths crossed regularly and all was fine.

I made a point of saying hello, being friendly the first couple of times I saw her at the class. Just because I think it would have been weird not to - we know each other. But we both go to the class with our separate groups of friends.

Now, whenever she's at class she totally blanks me. We got put in the same group of about 10 to choreograph a dance last week and she acted like I didn't exist.

So - I've come to the conclusion that for whatever reason she doesn't like me. I have no idea why. It bugs me so much! I would never say anything but it's taking up space in my mind that I could really do without. We're not friends, she doesn't work at my work anymore either.

Why does this bother me so much? Am I being ridiculous? How can I stop thinking about it?

I think it's normal to feel uncomfortable if you think someone doesn't like you, but what I would do in that situation is tell myself that this person doesn't know me well / hardly at all, so it can't really be that they actively don't like me. They may just be uninterested in me or have issues of their own that I don't know about.

Incidentally I was at a dance class last week and one person kept getting in the way of me seeing the instructor- basically she was too close to them and she blocked my view repeatedly although I tried moving my position several times. Eventually I tapped her gently on the arm and asked if she could move slightly, and she ignored me. I felt indignant. She's someone I've seen around quite a bit but she never acknowledges me (or me her, I suppose). I felt irritated for a while but later I wondered whether she'd even heard what I said...... so then felt better about it.

It would bother me, but I’d deal with it. Remember a bully or nasty person is always the sad loser not you

Absolutely this!

Yes I do think she's being mean. But be the better person and it will probably all work out.

No. It isn’t an age thing for me, it just really hasn’t been something that’s ever bothered me. Some people will like me, others won’t. Same way that I like some people and not others. That’s just life. I don’t how much of this is cultural (I’m not British, I’m from a country that is generally considered to be very direct/rude by British standards), and how much is innate personality. A mixture, I imagine.

It sounds like she’s in that situation where you half know someone so have to make a judgement about whether to be friendly or to act like you don’t know each other.

She sounds quite rude to be honest. So why want her good opinion?

Don't let her live in your head rent free for any longer.

Certainly don't show you care.

I always say to my kids, not everyone can like everyone.

I was a U.S. Navy wife (of an officer).
Talk about a tough crowd - those women were brutal. They judged me on first sight.
”What do you do? Where did you go to school? Where are your people from? (my people?)
And it only got worse.
One evening we were invited to the Admiral’s home for a party. I wandered around this quite remarkable old house and noticed a group of young people sitting outside in the back. I stepped outside to say hello, have a short visit, when my husband found me and scolded me.
Evidently, I had been conversing with the “enlisted people,” something an officer’s wife never did. Apparently, we were above that.
A few years later, I was an ex-officer’s wife.
God help me from ever turning into that.
Oh and those enlisted people? They weren’t allowed inside. Sheezus.

I remember times when friends have fallen out: both perfectly lovely people, neither deserving to feel guilty or needing to change: they just didn’t get on. That taught me that just because somebody doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean you need to change (or, indeed, do they). This realisation helped me not to care as much about whether I am liked by everyone.

I wouldn’t try and catch an ex colleague’s eye or deliberately look at them either. Wouldn’t mean I particularly disliked them, just that I’m not particularly interested in them either. I’m fairly introverted and not overly chatty especially in class type situations.

In the kindest I doubt that you occupy any headspace in her mind at all. That is what I tell myself when I get it in to my head that someone dislikes me. In my autistic brain it seems reassuring to think that people are completely indifferent to me, and that even if I am overthinking every aspect of a conversation I have had with somebody, chances are they won't have even remembered it.
Also, I tell myself that it rakes a lot for people to like me,so presumably it takes a lot for people to like me,particularly as I know that I am not an easy person to he around because if the autism.

Depends.
If it's someone I like then it bothers me if they don't like me.
If it's someone that I need to work closely with or to make a good impression on then it bothers me.
But otherwise no, not really. Nobody likes everyone.

In your situation - I'd feel a bit uncomfortable and would prefer to be able to get on, especially if working in the same group is going to be a regular thing. But I wouldn't be dwelling on it or overly bothered, I don't think. I can see why you find it uncomfortable though. But I don't think there's much you can do unless you fany asking her if there's a problem and if you can work to address it. Which would probably be really cringingly embarrassing and awkward!

It probably sticks in your mind because there seems no reason for it.

Its actually easier not to care that someone dislikes you because you have very different political opinions or you got a promotion they wanted or you have opposite personalities (loud, jokey vs quiet and serious) but when someone seems to take against you for no clear reason, there’s a lack of understanding or resolution.

Best in these cases just to think, “Humans sure are weird creatures” and get on with things. Life is full of unsolvable mysteries haha

It doesn’t bother me if people dont like me.

however in this situation, id be really petty and make an effort to talk to her just to piss her off that she has to answer or she looks a tosser in front of others! 😂

There's a saying. Something along the lines of "what someone else thinks of me is none of my business". So no. I don't give two hoots what anyone thinks about me, online or irl. It's liberating.

This is exactly how I feel!

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy I should add I tend to like most people, that's a part of it. I very rarely take an instant dislike to anyone and even if I do I mentally try to defend them and find a way of forgiving them the thing that put me off day 1. So it's double insulting if they don't like me!!

I've had work colleagues who natter to me all day while at work, laughing, joking, but totally ignore me as soon as we're off duty!

I'm not bothered either way!

Yes, exactly!

I'm not never bothered by it, but in general I have the attitude that you can't please everyone all the time and it's natural that I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

I don't especially like it when someone I like (especially someone I have a crush on!) doesn't like me, but it can't be helped. I have a lot of people who really like me so I concentrate on those.

I wouldn't worry about it OP, it probably isn't you. I am the kind of person that would find it really awkward in this position where you know of someone but don't know them well enough to chat to. I would find it stressful wondering whether I had to make small talk, which is awful or whether a quick nod hello and then pretend the other isn't there is enough. Which also feels awful.

Nope. What other people think of you is none of your business. Trust me as you get older you will understand this more .x Don't worry about it.