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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to see my boyfriend after his month on holiday?

60 replies

bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 14:27

Basically my boyfriend of 2 years has been travelling as he had a month off between jobs - I haven't seen him since 16 July properly (I picked him up from the airport on Weds but I had to insist as we didnt have anything in the diary - and just had to drop him home as he had to look after DD) - he won't commit to seeing me citing summer holidays being difficult. We have an evening event next week to go to but he can't stay the night and then nothing in the diary. I miss him and I just want us to spend some time together but he won't commit because he is still on holiday in his mind. Am I being ridiculous about wanting to see him?

OP posts:
Rickrolypoly · 02/08/2024 15:10

You're not his girlfriend sweetie. Just move on and find someone who is interested in you. This man is not.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 02/08/2024 15:13

Starlight1979 · 02/08/2024 14:54

OP I have just noticed your other thread from last week with completely different details to this post.

Anyway, based on the key facts in this and your other post (he doesn't let you ring him, doesn't respond to your messages, can't be with you overnight, doesn't arrange to see you etc) I'm going to point out the glaringly obvious.

He is married / in a relationship with someone else.

The fact he says you can't ring him and he can't reply to texts in case he is with his daughter is absolute bullshit. it's because he is with his wife / girlfriend.

Show quote history

Well, that explains a lot.

5128gap · 02/08/2024 15:16

I agree with PPs. He is extracting himself from your relationship. There's no way if he was keen you'd have had to insist on meeting him at the airport after a month. Nor would 'being on holiday in his mind' mean a holiday from you. I think you have two choices dependent on your appetite for straight talk. Either call him and tell him you have noted the distance and assume he no longer wants to continue seeing each other. Or alternatively do nothing and allow him to fizzle out. Don't argue the rights or wrongs of wanting to see him or accept crumbs and excuses.

BigPussyEnergy · 02/08/2024 15:19

Buddysbunda · 02/08/2024 14:37

If he wanted to, he would. Send this one back.

Was about to say the same thing. However…

My ex used to travel a lot on business - usually 2-3 weeks sometimes longer. When he got back he’d come straight to see me and spend an hour, then head home to see his DCs, which I was totally understanding about. I’d always suggest he spend the first two days home with them, then come and see me. A few times he would tell them he’d be home the following day and stay at mine, which was lovely of him, but most of the time I accepted that he should be with them first. It sucks, but that’s life when your other half is a parent.

i don’t see anything wrong with him seeing the kids first, but he should WANT to see you, and try to squeeze in some time with you as soon as he can. This one doesn’t seem that bothered.

SamW98 · 02/08/2024 15:20

The same as your other thread - this guy ain’t single.

Who was he away with? I’d lay money on it being the wife who doesn’t know they’re separated (because they’re not)

Honestly this one isn’t even subtle - you’re his bit on the side and he’s either now bored with you or got someone else.

Find your self respect. Stevie Wonder could see the red flags with this bloke.

KreedKafer · 02/08/2024 15:20

I think the relationship is probably over, OP. He just doesn't have the guts to tell you.

savethatkitty · 02/08/2024 15:23

You're being ridiculous for somehow thinking you are in a relationship with this man. I don't even think your in the top 10 list of his priorities (sorry).

Cocothecoconut · 02/08/2024 15:24

Your his side piece
find a better one

Sunnydiary · 02/08/2024 15:26

Have you ever been to his home?

Bumblebeestiltskin · 02/08/2024 15:27

What everyone else is saying, sorry OP. Didn't it make you stop and think why he's not bothered about seeing you after a month away?

KreedKafer · 02/08/2024 15:27

OK, I just saw your previous thread about your relationship.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5128716-red-lines-and-what-do-i-deserve

First of all, this man is definitely married/living with someone.

Secondly, he doesn't care about you. Why are you putting yourself through this? Have some dignity and self-respect and stop sitting there waiting for a man who treats you like shit to throw you a few pathetic scraps of his time so that he can sleep with you.

You must surely see that you deserve better than this cunt?

Red lines and what do I deserve? | Mumsnet

Hi there - this my first time posting but I'm just so sad at the moment. I am a strong independent women but the man I am in love with doesn't treat m...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5128716-red-lines-and-what-do-i-deserve

OldTinHat · 02/08/2024 15:32

He's probably got the washing machine on and ordering an online shop.

Oh. You said BF...

SamW98 · 02/08/2024 15:40

Actually I think you’re being unreasonable to have completely ignored what’s glaringly obvious and what every PP told you in your previous thread - THIS MAN ISN’T SINGLE

No amount of sticking your fingers in your ears and saying ‘La la la not listening’ can change what’s in front of your eyes.

DaisyChain505 · 02/08/2024 15:47

With the information you’ve given in your other thread…this man is not single.
you are the other woman.

Justcallmebebes · 02/08/2024 16:05

He left you alone, didn't help and didn't even call to see if you were OK when your car broke down and you were stuck for ages waiting for recovery late at night?

Jeez, that is not what a loving partner or even a friend does. He's either still married or a really, really shit boyfriend

Starlight1979 · 02/08/2024 16:07

Justcallmebebes · 02/08/2024 16:05

He left you alone, didn't help and didn't even call to see if you were OK when your car broke down and you were stuck for ages waiting for recovery late at night?

Jeez, that is not what a loving partner or even a friend does. He's either still married or a really, really shit boyfriend

But that post was from the 26th July and on this post she says he was away travelling from the 16th July until this week???

A few holes appearing here....

Original poster
bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 16:44

Thanks for the responses. I'll explain but I expect the rude responses already - He left on 3 July to go overseas - I went to Cyprus to see him for 2 days while he was away on 14 July. I posted on 26 July because it was horrible.

I know there are problems - but I didn't have anyone to talk to (like many people on here).

I totally understand that he is a parent first. I thought that he might want to make an effort to see me.

He is definitely separated - his ex knows about me and yes I have been to his house.

OP posts:
Original poster
bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 16:47

SamW98 · 02/08/2024 15:40

Actually I think you’re being unreasonable to have completely ignored what’s glaringly obvious and what every PP told you in your previous thread - THIS MAN ISN’T SINGLE

No amount of sticking your fingers in your ears and saying ‘La la la not listening’ can change what’s in front of your eyes.

Wow. What an unhelpful response.
I understand that there are problems - I was just seeking some thoughts like many people on here but I guess I really have learnt my lesson about asking people for help.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/08/2024 16:53

bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 16:47

Wow. What an unhelpful response.
I understand that there are problems - I was just seeking some thoughts like many people on here but I guess I really have learnt my lesson about asking people for help.

Show quote history

What help do you want OP? You've had lots of good advice but you're ignoring what's right in front of your nose.

Tommeetippee · 02/08/2024 16:54

I agree with others, you're an ex now.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 02/08/2024 17:02

You're flogging a dead horse. This man doesn't want to be your boyfriend, but he's too pathetic to come out and say it.

Iaminthefly · 02/08/2024 17:11

What help do you want?

He's a dickhead. Even if he is actually separated he clearly doesn't give a toss about you.

People are telling you to get rid, which is exactly what you need to do. You are wasting your time with him.

Starryeyed543 · 02/08/2024 17:15

I don't understand how your other thread you've said he separated from his ex last year but you have been together for 2 years 🤔 honestly don't understand how your life benefits from having him in it. Would just move on if I was you

Mylovelygreendress · 02/08/2024 17:34

bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 16:44

Thanks for the responses. I'll explain but I expect the rude responses already - He left on 3 July to go overseas - I went to Cyprus to see him for 2 days while he was away on 14 July. I posted on 26 July because it was horrible.

I know there are problems - but I didn't have anyone to talk to (like many people on here).

I totally understand that he is a parent first. I thought that he might want to make an effort to see me.

He is definitely separated - his ex knows about me and yes I have been to his house.

Are you sure you have been to HIS house ? I knew a woman who was seeing a man who said he was separated. Lots of people said he wasn’t, she insisted he was because she had been to his house and no wife . Turned out he was borrowing his brother’s house to meet her !

seensome · 02/08/2024 17:51

He isn't treating you like a proper girlfriend, only casually when you insist and give him lifts, or travel to see him, he's not even interested in staying the night after the event with you. Honestly I think you are wasting time on this one.