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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to see my boyfriend after his month on holiday?

60 replies

bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 14:27

Basically my boyfriend of 2 years has been travelling as he had a month off between jobs - I haven't seen him since 16 July properly (I picked him up from the airport on Weds but I had to insist as we didnt have anything in the diary - and just had to drop him home as he had to look after DD) - he won't commit to seeing me citing summer holidays being difficult. We have an evening event next week to go to but he can't stay the night and then nothing in the diary. I miss him and I just want us to spend some time together but he won't commit because he is still on holiday in his mind. Am I being ridiculous about wanting to see him?

OP posts:
Wheredidyougetthat · 02/08/2024 18:01

I was involved with a man like this for a few months. He told me he was separated & actually I know now that he actually was but it was all very complicated & I got tired of never being a priority. It made me so stressed & anxious. He would keep me dangling but never commit. It’s up to you OP but I decided it wasn’t worth it & im so glad now I’m out of that situation!

Imperrysmum · 02/08/2024 18:05

He’s just not that into you 🤷‍♀️

If you were the love of his life & he was besotted with you, he wouldn’t treat you like this.

KrisAkabusi · 02/08/2024 18:18

I get it. You're emotionally invested in him. You clearly love him.

It's also clear that he doesn't see you in the same way. The previous poster that you called rude and unhelpful may have been blunt, but she's right. He is not in the same relationship that you are. And you really are doing your best to ignore it

Lindjam · 02/08/2024 18:19

@bradmore47 I don’t know if this bloke is single or not, but I do know he isn’t interested in you…

thefishingboatbobbingsea · 02/08/2024 18:25

I'm sorry OP but the harsh truth is that you cannot 'make' someone care ..

They do or they don't.

Be logical and put yourself in this position. You are the parent to a child and it's the school holidays... you have been away for a month .. you really live and miss your boyfriend. Do you

a. Call often and text multiple times a day to let your boyfriend know you are missing them and looking forward to seeing them when you are free .. you are super busy but hell - you can find time to text while you are watch tv with DD, having a wee, cooking her supper .. your messages discuss your plans to be together for when you are free .. OR

b. You use your childcare obligations as an excuse to be too busy to make your boyfriend feel loved or wanted .

Honestly OP .. I promise you. No one who is actually keen on their partner is EVER too busy to make them feel loved . A kind message takes nano seconds to send.

Save yourself the humiliation and just fade away .. and find someone worthy of your attention .

Saltedbutter · 02/08/2024 18:37

Echoing other posters. He’s trying to fizzle this out or hope you break up with him. Sorry OP.

mondaytosunday · 02/08/2024 18:51

My sister once complained when her boyfriend went away for a week then didn't call her first a couple days when he got back. The answer 'he's just not that into you'. Same here I'm afraid.

Choochoo21 · 02/08/2024 19:12

How long have you been together?

Why not just find someone who is child free and therefore has more free time?

KreedKafer · 02/08/2024 21:14

bradmore47 · 02/08/2024 16:44

Thanks for the responses. I'll explain but I expect the rude responses already - He left on 3 July to go overseas - I went to Cyprus to see him for 2 days while he was away on 14 July. I posted on 26 July because it was horrible.

I know there are problems - but I didn't have anyone to talk to (like many people on here).

I totally understand that he is a parent first. I thought that he might want to make an effort to see me.

He is definitely separated - his ex knows about me and yes I have been to his house.

Have you met his ex? Or spoken to her? If not, how do you know she knows about you?

Plus, if he is separated from the mother of his child, I think it’s still highly likely that you are not his only ‘girlfriend’. He might not be with his ex, but he is almost certainly with someone who isn’t you.

However, even if he’s single, that doesn’t actually matter because he is a horrible arsehole who makes you miserable. Why are you wasting years of your life on a nasty piece of work who doesn’t give a shit about you? Are you scared to be without a boyfriend? Are you some of masochist who secretly gets off on the humiliation?

What do you actually want to get out of your threads? Everyone has told you, repeatedly, that your boyfriend is treating you like shit and lying to you. He doesn’t love you. You know that. He makes you unhappy and downtrodden. You know that too. What more, exactly, do want people to say? Are you looking for people to reassure you and tell you to hang in there and that your boyfriend loves you? Because nobody is going to do that, and if we did do that, we’d be terrible people - no decent human being is going to tell you to stay with a man who is an emotionally abusive, cruel, manipulative liar.

I understand that you think people are being rude and harsh, but why you think that is? It’s not because anyone wants to bully you - quite the opposite. It’s because everyone can see that you’re being reduced to an awful state by this man and everyone wants you to wake up, walk away and get your bloody dignity back and be happy. You said in your other thread that you’re a strong independent woman, but right now, you are not. You were a strong independent woman before you met this man but not any more. And everyone here simply wants to see you be that strong independent woman again. You KNOW you are better than this.

notagdfriend · 02/08/2024 22:53

This man does not care about you, about the fact you feel hurt. You have been together 2 years and he hasn't integrated you in to his life.

Staying with him you are only hurting yourself. End it, get some counselling for low self esteem and move on

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