To think 'no spark' means absolutely nothing?

[Reasonstobebeautiful]

And it's just some generic rubbish that people sprout to avoid the truth.

I'm not suggesting to be rude and harsh in your rejection, but for me 'the spark just wasn't there's is a lazy, meaningless and easy excuse.

People will say 'What do you want us to say then?'
Not telling you what to say, just saying what I think of it.

Just reading these replies and thinking that the spark is a two way thing. It happens when both people feel unmistakably attracted to each other - it's an energy that both feel between them, that's how I think of it anyway. But yes "no spark" is used most often to mean I don't fancy you, I think.

Sorry but I don't agree that finding someone attractive = fancying them.

"I don't feel a spark" does mean "I don't fancy you" but it doesn't mean they do not find you attractive.

I believe humans are drawn to relationships that somehow echo those formed in childhood.

It's the reason for the stereotypical "daddy issues" some women are said to have. It's the reason lots of men go from being babied by their mothers to looking for a wife to do the same. It's the reason that children of emotionally distant parents subconsciously seek out the same in their partners and repeatedly go through patterns of trying to fix them. It's the whole reason for "he seems great on paper but..."

Those are all negative examples but its normal for that pattern to appear even in healthy relationships. Familiarity is comforting to us and when we fancy someone I think it's just our brain lighting up realising they can be something we need or want to recreate from childhood. Often it's attempt to fix a relationship or is just us reliving an aspect of it.

There's literally loads of men who are objectively very attractive and I don't fancy them, even the ones I get along well with. If i saw pictures of ten men and put them in order of attractiveness, then met them all, it's likely the ones I fancied wouldn't be the ones at the top - but they wouldn't be at the bottom either as physical attraction is still a big part of it.

I don't think it's that physical attraction + getting along = fancy someone.

I think it's physical attraction + getting along + that magic brain spark that happens for some people but not others for reasons only our subconscious is aware of = fancying someone.

If anything spark seems like the perfect word to describe what it is I experience. Evidently from this thread it isn't everyone's experience but I can assure you that it's absolutely possibly for me to find someone attractive and get along with them but not fancy them in the way I want to pursue a romantic relationship. It's not that there's something secretly wrong with them.

Spot on!

What would you rather people said?

How often do you hear it to irritate you so? Also, are you looking for root cause analysis? What do you see as an acceptable example of an answer?

This reminds me of a slightly irritating conversation I had when trying to let someone down gently who wouldn't be told. I said he was a very attractive and interesting man (he was) but I didn't feel a romantic connection sadly. He replied 'well if you think I'm attractive and interesting, why not?' it doesn't always work like that or we'd all be partnered up by 18!

'no spark' is used as a catch all in dating for a definitive 'thanks but no thanks'. I'm not pretending to be busy, I definitely don't want to continue with you but not going into specifics. I may not even know what's missing, it's just not quite there with you. That feeling of clarity and openness and warmth with someone where there is also a sexual tension. It could also be that the person wasn't even a near miss, behaviour, look, presentation, conversation, humour weren't a match for example. But 'no spark' makes it 'no fault'.

It sounds like you think there's a better alternative but do you particularly need to hear you weren't physically attractive in person (even with honest pics you can't tell), they couldn't abide your laugh or they just didn't wildly enjoy your company beyond seeing through one date? To what end? What do you do with that information?

I am a bit of a slow burner. I don't often feel a spark when I am with someone, but if I feel a warm glow after the date that usually means there's been something between us.

I don’t agree although sometimes it could be a polite way of saying something more direct. There is a sort of unexplained ‘chemistry’ that is probably biological in nature. I have been on dates with nice, attractive, funny people but had no ‘spark’ or frisson if you will - your head will say it’s good but ultimately you feel a little cold or empty about it. I will say That from discussions with friends not everyone has either that feeling or that attachment to the feeling and are ultimately more logical than feeling based -could that be you?

You can fancy someone without a spark. A true spark is a tension between two people where they adore each others company, have plenty to talk about, have emotional and physical attraction, and a sense of belonging on some level. When you don’t have that with someone, it’s obvious. You can still find them sexually attractive or relate to them emotionally in a friendship way, but a true romantic spark is totally different