To think 'no spark' means absolutely nothing?

[Reasonstobebeautiful]

And it's just some generic rubbish that people sprout to avoid the truth.

I'm not suggesting to be rude and harsh in your rejection, but for me 'the spark just wasn't there's is a lazy, meaningless and easy excuse.

People will say 'What do you want us to say then?'
Not telling you what to say, just saying what I think of it.

Feelings and attraction are two different things you can feel instant attraction to someone ,but having feelings and caring about them can take time.

I think it would be rare to be used if people genuinely get on with you and find you sexually attractive. I'd imagine that they are being economical with the truth about the attractive bit to be polite. Sometimes people say it because they think they could do better though. They think you're nice enough, attractive enough, but want to hold out for the 'wow!' Imo this can often be delusional on their part, but they learn that from experience I guess.

I don’t know, I still get butterflies if I see my husband unexpectedly - like we are going home from work at the same time and I see him turning right at the traffic lights I’m waiting to turn left at. 24 years in.

OP - no spark is a polite way of saying you’re nice enough, I’ve nothing against you but you are not for me.

Look, for whatever reason someone doesn’t want a relationship with you. That’s fine. Move on. There are other fish in the sea.

no one owes you a big explanation

It is interesting as I've had relationships with people I would describe as having that spark and those where it's absent. I would describe that spark as that sort of thrill, that initial attraction and, for me, ability to banter and flirt easily with. But I've also had beautiful moments where that energy differs, where there has been comfort and ease and generally more calm in a relationship.

I'd say now with my husband we have both. Although there's been times in the relationship where it's been more onw than the other or one might be altogether missing.

It's difficult to understand if you haven't felt a spark with someone and it isn't necessarily a fleeting feeling, it can last on a physical, emotional, intellectual level. Maybe OP has never felt that sort of connection with anyone.

I didn't say this was anything to do with me?

Would you rather: 'you're boring, and I'm never going to have sex with you or want to speak to you again' ? Because that's what I meant whenever I've said that.

It seemed kinder.

No, but 'I don't feel attracted to you' is still the truth. You don't have to start slating someone to be honest.

I’d imagine, as with most of us, you have friends who you know are objectively attractive men and women, and whom you have lots in common with and some sort of emotional connection - but you don’t want to bang them or have a relationship with them, and probably knew that right from when you first met them and started getting to know them. Sometimes it’s worth another date with someone you didn’t feel an immediate rush for, but sometimes you just know by the end of date one or two they aren’t somebody you’d see yourself having sex with or being in a relationship with.

Also, butterflies can certainly last. I still have them seven years on. It does help that I don't see him every day, though, over every week even.

Fair enough. But if it’s not about you, then why are you even bothered?

And there is no spark is just another way of saying I'm not attracted to you surely ?

“I just didn’t feel the spark between us” is basically a kind way of letting someone know that you did not have a romantic connection with them.

Finding someone attractive and getting on well doesn’t mean you will have a spark. There are probably many people you will meet in life that you get on well with and think are attractive/sexy, that doesn’t mean you want to date or marry them.

I do not know what you expect.

It simply means ‘I have better options in play than you’.

Adding to my comment, you can have a spark with someone that you don’t find attractive. Some people don’t always go for their type or fall for someone they instantly find attractive.

I just find that when you dig a bit deeper, there's usually a particular reason or reasons, it'll be something like, he doesn't smell nice/he bores me a little/we don't like the same films/i don't like his mother.

He's so perfect and sexually attractive and we have an amazing but I just don't feel that spark, is just disingenuous.

We have an amazing connection *

It’s basically shorthand for “I don’t want a relationship with you”.

It Could be for a million reasons. They find you attractive but but boring, they’ve met someone else they like a bit more, you smell funny to them, they don’t think your values align, they hoped you’d shag them and you didn’t,

I know someone who’s literally just said this to someone and while she foi f him objectively good looking - she wasn’t keen on his height. But you don’t say “you’re too short” you say “there wasn’t a spark”

But does it matter really, if you don’t feel like they are your person and you want to continue dating? Do we really need to hurt someone by saying “Your mum sounds awful, you smell awful and I don’t like your beard”

I didn’t feel the spark seems a better comment.

What is there to "believe" in??? 😂

When I was dating I went on several dates with men who were good looking, funny, generous, good family values / morals etc - basically perfect on paper. However there was no sexual attraction, hence, "no spark".

The first time I set eyes on OP I thought "Wow I really fancy this man and want to rip his clothes off" as well as everything else listed above. Hence there was a "spark".

True, sometimes it is developed over time the more you get to know someone, however it's not a lazy excuse at all. It's perfectly normal and reasonable.

If someone is saying there’s no spark, then they’re saying they don’t find you attractive, or feel like you get on well or feel compatible.

People aren’t saying there’s no spark when they fancy someone, they’re sarong it when they don’t. Gut feelings and instinct are important when dating.

They definitely can - and do - last! And I see my DP every day and sleep in the same bed as him every night!

I would use "no spark" if I found someone's conversation dull, because they weren't playful or witty. Humour is so important because it demonstrates intelligence and the ability to make abstract connections.

Even if you have similar interests to another person, it's possible to talk about them in a dull way, and I would find that off-putting.

I wouldn't then send them a message saying "sorry, but the conversation didn't flow and I see this as your fault and find you rather boring". That's just unpleasant. So "no spark" it is.

Ok, fair points made!