To think 'no spark' means absolutely nothing?

[Reasonstobebeautiful]

And it's just some generic rubbish that people sprout to avoid the truth.

I'm not suggesting to be rude and harsh in your rejection, but for me 'the spark just wasn't there's is a lazy, meaningless and easy excuse.

People will say 'What do you want us to say then?'
Not telling you what to say, just saying what I think of it.

But if there is 'no spark' then you don't find them sexually attractive, as such. You might think they're objectively a good-looking person, but that doesn't mean you want to shag them.

Similarly, you can get on well with all sorts of people and have a lot in common with them, but that doesn't mean you fancy them. I have male friends whose company I enjoy a lot and with whom I have loads in common, but I don't feel a romantic connection with them and they don't feel a romantic connection with me, either.

I've had one friendship where the man in question has considered that we'd be suited romantically, but I haven't felt the same way. In one instance, yeah, he was a lovely man and we always had a great evening when we went out. But I didn't fancy him. What was I supposed to do? Analyse that to the billionth degree and then list all the many tiny reasons that made me not find him attractive as a dating prospect? It's not like he could have done anything about any of them, nor would I have wanted him to. It would just have been hurtful and pointless for him. So 'I just don't feel that spark' was a pretty reasonable and actually very accurate explanation.

Also, ultimately, people don't owe you any kind of explanation for why they don't want to date you. 'I just don't want to' is a perfectly valid reason and one that everyone really, really needs to accept and live with.

I have lots of male friends and aquaintances, all perfectly nice people I enjoy spending time with. "The spark" that means I want to sleep with them happens only rarely. Of course it's real.

It conveys 'I didn't feel any chemistry between us and I don't wish to pursue a sexual relationship with you'.

Useful phrase in my opinion.

I disagree OP - it's a very good way to describe lack of chemistry or lack of sexual interest. I might meet a man who's perfect on paper - good looking, funny, clever etc but if there's no spark/no chemistry then I won't be interested.
You need that spark for a romantic relationship otherwise it's just a friendship.

When the spark does hit it's intoxicating,

I think it's more than just sex too. It's that connection/soul mates thing as well as finding them attractive. We all come across lots of people we like and can get along with perfectly fine, can see are objectively attractive, but that close connection is rare.

I totally disagree tbh. I think the ‘spark’ perfectly sums up the chemistry you feel when two people are attracted. I’ve been physically attracted to someone but felt no spark on talking to them, and been taken by surprise by a spark with someone I hadn’t been attracted to.

I think there's no "spark" is based mostly on sexual attraction in the context of dating. That desire just to be close to someone. But it's not exclusively that because also that lack of "spark" can apply to when you're getting to know someone as a friend.

It's a sort of gravitational pull towards someone - I've met many people (male and female, just potential friends or potential partners) over the years with whom there just isn't that spark. They are often people you like very much. They might even be people who you land up dating for a while and having sex with. Good sex even. But that spark just isn't there and so it fizzles out or you end it eventually and, in the case of friendships, they remain relatively superficial and/or are only maintained for a specific reason (eg kids are friends or you go to the same hobby or you live next door).

A while ago I was on a Teams call with loads and loads of people (no cameras on) and I'd sort of zoned out a bit, and then it got to the 'Any questions?' part and someone asked a question, and I thought 'That man's got a lovely voice, and what a brilliant, smart, articulate question... who is this guy, he sounds great!'

And then realised it was actually my DP (of 21 years!). We work at the same place, but in different teams so it's rare that our paths cross in a work context. So yeah, the spark can definitely endure! Not saying I'm sitting there full of butterflies while we're sitting there on the sofa eating crisps in front of News At Ten or when I can hear him farting in the shower, obviously. But there are loads of times, especially when I see him unexpectedly, when I do feel a spark, or when I just suddenly think 'I love him SO much.'

’No spark’ is a polite way of telling someone that you don’t fancy them. I thought that was widely understood?

I disagree. Staying single is better than dating someone you don't feel the spark of attraction with. I've never approached relationships from a competitive perspective, or had multiple "suitors" at one time. I've noticed that men often seem to think that women weigh them up against each other, with a focus on e.g. standing out from the other guys, but in my experience (and my friends') that's not how it works.

It is widely understood. The OP just doesn't like it, thinks it's a 'lazy excuse' and instead wants bullet points on actual reasons why someone is declining another date.

I've been with my husband 18 years and we still have the spark 🤷‍♀️ I don't think it's a fleeting thing or something that doesn't last. Wanting to feel that depth of connection with someone you're hoping to have, presumably, a long term intimate relationship with is not unreasonable.

I think it not being there is a totally valid reason to dump someone.

Reasons I have not wanted to continue dating various people and said there was ‘no spark’:

• dandruff & unwashed hair
• never smiled
• fussy, pedantic and nitpicking
• talked endlessly about scuba diving
• irritating high-pitched laugh
• smelled of mildew
• nice enough bloke but just didn’t fancy him at all, and I didn’t enjoy his company enough to compensate for the lack of attraction

What it boiled down to was I wouldn’t have wanted to shag any of these people, or, in some cases, spend any further time with them socially.

Personally, I wouldn’t want someone to string me along just in case they overcame their initial aversion to my appearance or character. Nor would it feel good or constructive to me to have someone I’d just met offer me a detailed evaluation of my dress sense / personal hygiene / mannerisms / personality / hobbies and interests in support of their decision not to progress the relationship.

I suppose you could just say ‘there will not be further dates. Thank you for your time.’ But that feels a bit clinical.

‘No spark’ = ‘there is something missing here that I’m not prepared to do without’ - without going into grisly details that could be hurtful, and without leaving it open for the other party to argue with you, tell you you’ve got them all wrong, beg for another chance, or insist they can change.

I'd stage a riot of someone gave me bullet points on exactly why they didn't want another date with me!

I'm more than happy with a generic brush off.

I remember a colleague telling me, there was no spark on her date. I didn't quite understand it, so asked her what it meant. Apparently it meant she didn't find him attractive, so didn't fancy him basically. It's a nice phrase to use, when uninterested.

There’s a thing with babies where mum and baby bond- they regulate each other. It’s literally chemistry, the baby’s chemistry and biology is regulated by the mum soothing them. They match heartbeats, breathing rates, body temperature…

We connect on a lot of levels- pheromones as well as looks, all sorts of subtle markers that influence us subconsciously.

I’ve been massively drawn to someone who I later found out was brought up with my dad. He appealed to me because he felt like home. It wasn’t romantic- just drawn to and fascinated by.

The Spark is part of all that. It’s not rational, visual, may be hormonal…

Something about the sound, smell, look of the other person just matches you somehow. It’s so hot when it happens!

It's not even just about sex or fancying. 'no spark' means I don't have that un-quantifiable feeling of getting excited when I think about you in general, and that I'm therefore not interested in taking this further with you as a potential future romantic partner.

I think it's a perfect sum-up tbh.

Another thing ‘no spark’ often means for me is ‘you may have thought we had a delightful evening and want to do it again, but my God I had to work VERY HARD to keep conversation going so that we didn’t both die of awkwardness / you talked interminably about yourself and things that interest you / there was no pleasurable conversational give and take and that’s not an experience I ever want to repeat, however much you enjoyed my undivided attention.’

It means they’ve no romantic feelings for you at all, not really up to you how other people phrase things. If you dislike it don’t say it, but if you’re finding you’re being told this over and over again maybe you’re just meeting the wrong kinds of people. Hope you find something soon.

Yes, exactly! I mean, feel free to be as polite, generic and dishonest as you like when you're telling me why you don't want a second date with me!

I don't think it is meaningless at all - I think it is totally valid. And not just in terms of sexual attraction, it is true in all social relationships. Sometimes all the facts on paper point to a really good fit but in reality...it just isn't there. You don't have fun together, you are not quite on the same page, you might even wish you were but you are not.

Other times of course it can mean "I know exactly why I don't fancy you - you are annoying or unattractive or dull, but I can't say that, so I will just say there is no spark."

As PPs have said, it means ‘I don’t want to have sex with you’. And that’s not (necessarily) a comment on what the person looks like. A person can have a perfectly lovely face and physique but just not ignite any lust in you. Lust is a mysterious beast.

It's not a big deal. A connection is important. The spark is wanting to meet up again. If it's not there, it's not there. Better than wasting your time.

I think having too much spark is overrated as often means unhealthy chemistry for a lot of people. So I’ve started giving some people I don’t initially feel a spark with some more time… but yes, sometimes it’s blatantly clear there’s no future so it’s an ok thing to say? What’s the alternative? “I find you physically and emotionally blah?”