To think 'no spark' means absolutely nothing?

[Reasonstobebeautiful]

And it's just some generic rubbish that people sprout to avoid the truth.

I'm not suggesting to be rude and harsh in your rejection, but for me 'the spark just wasn't there's is a lazy, meaningless and easy excuse.

People will say 'What do you want us to say then?'
Not telling you what to say, just saying what I think of it.

Agree with this too! Although why are you going home in different directions?! 😂

It helps keep the spark alive?

I know 😂should have put from different directions. I knew what I meant 😂

I have been married neatly 20 years now
But I dated for years
I dated one guy for about 3 months and there was zero spark on my side

By the end of it he was irritating the fuck out of me ,even the way he breathed made me want to slap him ,he hadent done anything specifically wrong though
Obviously I couldn't tell him how I really felt as that would have been plain nasty
So I went with the whole it's not you it's me ,I'm not ready for a relationship just yet type conversation ,as it seemed kinder

I don’t get what you want to get out of this?

If it’s someone telling you “they don’t feel a spark” then take it on the chin and move on.

If its say a friend saying they felt no spark with someone else - what do you want? Them to slate the person they were dating? To sate your interest?

I don't think it's generic rubbish. It's just a more nuanced form of "I don't fancy you".

If you say "I don't fancy him" people assume you mean you don't find them good looking or something turns you off sexually.

Whereas to me the "spark" is a more all-round connection. It's about looks and subconscious body language etc but also about your compatibility in conversation and shared passions. Something that makes you really want to see them again, rather than being indifferent.

No spark is exactly the reason most people get dumped

There has to be chemistry

Nonsense. No one is obliged to be forensically accurate as to their reasons for not wanting to see someone again.

I must have too much time on my hands today as I was genuinely sat trying to figure this out 😂

Spark as a word has a few meanings. Below is one of the dictionary meanings of spark. I hope this helps @Reasonstobebeautiful

a feeling or quality that causesexcitement:
They kept running into each other and eventually realized there was a spark between them.
The music is mediocre because there's no spark, no thrill, no unpredictability.

😂

I think it's true of platonic friends too. If I meet a new colleague sometimes it's an easy connection, start chatting, think I could easily go to the pub with this person, other times it's polite chit chat and never gets beyond that. It's just connection, or not.

I've been on dates with plenty of people you are either objectively good looking and/or I've personally found them good looking and we get on well, but good looking + getting on doesn't mean you necessarily fancy them – it's the third ingredient, and it's not 'generic', it's a very specific feeling.

Furthermore, I don't think you owe lengthy or specific explanations to someone you have been on a couple of dates with but don't want to date anymore. As long as you are polite and decent, that's all that's necessary.

OP, if this isn’t about you, why does it matter? Are you telling men that you don’t fancy them because they are boring, ugly and have BO, and wondering why this is going down badly?

I think it's about sexual chemistry. I can find someone attractive to look at, and know they're good looking. But if the sparks not there, it's not there.
Sometimes with another person, they might not be the most handsome guy ever, but if you have a flirty connection I would say the spark is there.

It's not meaningless at all. It just means 'I didn't feel the connection necessary for a relationship'.

A) nobody owes an explanation for not wanting to date someone
b) it’s far worse to cut someone down with a criticism like they are unattractive, or boring, or remind them of a maths teacher.

being offended by ‘no spark’ sounds like sour grapes

I don't think it's lazy.
I take it to mean there is no connection on a physical or emotional level, basically no chemistry

You can have friends who are sexually attractive and you get along well with but don’t want to shag.

I know people who are physically attractive but it doesn’t mean I want to shag them.

I wonder if this man knows more than one sexually attractive woman who he gets along with and perhaps he is more interested in one of them than you? (The old “he’s not that into you”)

So would you prefer someone to say: you’re boring, ugly, too fat, too thin, too thick, or any other unkind way of ending a brief relationship.

Perhaps be grateful that they are trying to be tactful and kindly.

I guess it sounds more out of your control and not a criticism to the other person, sometimes it's true rather than politeness in that you can't really put your finger on a reason why you don't as they appear to have all the right ingredients.

I don't think online/modern dating really suits me as i either have horny lust based on the superficial but know a relationship with them wouldn't work out or I don't feel a strong sexual attraction early on but really like their personality and if met within a social circle I would probably find the attraction grows as I get to know them better but that's not really fair when dating.

Not necessarily- I think you just haven’t experienced it yourself and that’s why you can’t understand it.

I’ve been on both sides of this coin. Dated a guy for around a month, I really liked him, thought it was going well, and he ended it by saying he’s had a great time with me, has had a good laugh on our dates, enjoyed our time in bed but he just doesn’t feel proper chemistry and doesn’t see it lasting the long term. It was hard to hear but I couldn’t be mad, he was just being honest.

And on the flip side, I once went on around four dates with a guy, he was funny, nice, interesting, good looking but I just didn’t “feel” it. Something was missing for me, I didn’t have an urge to take things to the next level, I just didn’t feel that crazy exciting connection. As much as I enjoyed his company, I didn’t feel very excited about him.

Luckily now, I’m just approaching two years with my boyfriend and I love him to bits, fancy him like mad, everything is there. I felt the spark and the excitement with him immediately, and we still have it now.

This ☝🏻

If everyone had a spark with everyone then no work would ever get done. It's normal to feel that only very few people are special enough to have a relationship with. No spark is open and honest, unless you want them to list all the ways in which you don't turn them on. Which is called 'negging'.

Some people might say it just to be nice and generic. But a spark/ chemistry is definitely thing, if people are struggling to understand its because they've never felt it (you both need to feel it, and you know)