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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick. Please help.

109 replies

Curiousto · 01/08/2024 22:15

Would you date a guy who thinks it's great that a 19yr old he met on a plane 15 years ago gave him a blowjob in the airplane seat?

He was 40 when this happened. They ended up dating for 3 months.

He's 54 now. He thinks it's something to be proud of.

I've got an 18 yr old daughter. I'm feeling rather repulsed.

I've been on several dates with him. Getting on well. Now this has come out and I'm wanting to kick him off the sofa in my home that he's currently sitting on next to me.

OP posts:
LightFull · 01/08/2024 23:35

Is he using you to get to your daughter

Seems like he's gauging your reaction

Are you both grooming material

Original poster
Curiousto · 01/08/2024 23:56

LightFull · 01/08/2024 23:35

Is he using you to get to your daughter

Seems like he's gauging your reaction

Are you both grooming material

He's really not using me to get to my daughter.

It's weird the way some MN minds go.

OP posts:
NotSoHotMess24 · 01/08/2024 23:58

Sounds like he's misguidedly trying to make himself sound exciting, attractive and comfortable enough with you to tell you personal bits about his life. It wouldn't bother me tbh, assuming it was consensual with the 19yo. And it certainly wouldn't make me think he was unsafe around other young women.

But if you have the ick, you have the ick! If you've not been with him long, it's best you've found out now!

trippily · 01/08/2024 23:59

Gross. Teenagers look like children.

Thatcat · 02/08/2024 00:10

Curiousto · 01/08/2024 23:56

He's really not using me to get to my daughter.

It's weird the way some MN minds go.

Show quote history

OP, it’s where your mind went too, in fairness. You compared it to the age of your child.

Redgreenfroggy · 02/08/2024 00:12

Vile

Zusammen · 02/08/2024 00:15

If he’s telling the truth that’s disgusting, and it’s a huge red flag that he’s even told you.

If it’s a lie made up to impress you then it’s still weird and a huge red flag.

I’d make sure he knows exactly why you won’t be seeing him any more. Because he’s gross.

OhcantthInkofaname · 02/08/2024 00:15

So this is his main accomplishment in life! Tell him you're worth more than that.

Doubleender · 02/08/2024 00:17

So he got a suck job 20 years ago off another adult. Its hardly crime of the century. Live and let live.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 02/08/2024 00:24

Confused what you need help with - asking if you should date him? Because you go on to say you want to kick him out - do you need help with that? Or did you just want to tell us what he said so we can tell you unreasonable/reasonable?! Sorry - im
confused op.

DodoTired · 02/08/2024 00:43

Having a BJ from 19 year old - fine
being proud of this sex episode - fine
voicing this pride - weird

TealSapphire · 02/08/2024 00:51

Very weird to bring up on a date.

Perhaps he's negging you? A young hot girl did this, what are you going to do to impress him?

Original poster
Curiousto · 02/08/2024 00:51

Thatcat · 02/08/2024 00:10

OP, it’s where your mind went too, in fairness. You compared it to the age of your child.

Edited
Show quote history

There's a huge difference between saying the age of my daughter, meaning the reality of what he did hit home, and saying he wants to get with her.

OP posts:
Prontehpronto · 02/08/2024 00:58

Bit left field here, but ask him why he thought to tell that story? And let him know that it gave you the ik, then give him the floor. Still bin him but would be interesting to see why he thought it would be a good story, then tell us all on here!

DingleDongBellEnd · 02/08/2024 01:16

WandsOut · 01/08/2024 22:25

Disgusting - get rid of him.

This x 100%

LadyLolaRuben · 02/08/2024 01:20

It's an immediate no from me

CryptoFascist · 02/08/2024 08:22

So did you say anything/kick him out?

I, too, would like to know his reasons for telling you that story.

SeeSeeRider · 02/08/2024 08:25

Curiousto · 01/08/2024 22:28

Blanket. Overnight flight. Dark. They were on the two seats at the back of the plane.

Show quote history

I think he's making it up. Even at my silliest teenage time I didn't fancy sucking an old man's nasty cock. I still don't. He's weird, don't have any kind of relationship with him.

JMSA · 02/08/2024 08:26

Oh my God. I have teenage daughters and could NEVER be with him.

JMSA · 02/08/2024 08:28

And even if it never happened, it's equally grim and pathetic that he should make it up.
So it's lose-lose either way.
You will never get over the ick from this, so do yourself a favour ...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/08/2024 08:36

That's word for word something from the 90s nonsense stories that would be published in the grotmags.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 02/08/2024 08:39

I would have no concern with the fact she was 19. She's an adult and people on here act like he's some kind of paedophile. I remember being 19 and I was fully aware of the effect I had on older men and could be quite bold with my sexuality. She could have instigated it.

However, he sounds like a bit of an idiot and would probably give me the ick with the way he talks about it!!

He could just still be very shocked and impressed it happened though! Not sure I'd automatically dump him over it. But if he gives you the ick I would.

The person who said he would have his eye on your 18 year old daughter is ridiculous. So we think that because he had a sexual encounter with a 19 year old he now fancies all 19 year olds (who are adults by the way).

Choochoo21 · 02/08/2024 09:34

The actual act wouldn’t bother me.

They were both adults and got carried away with each other and then carried on dating afterwards.

I know lots of people who meet at bars/clubs and have a ONS with them.

What would give me the ick is the fact he’s still talking about it over a decade later.

How did the conversation come about?

Were you talking about the wildest thing you’ve done with a partner - if so, I wouldn’t judge him for telling the story.

But if he brought it up to brag about it randomly then I’d have to end it because I wouldn’t be able to get over the ick.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 02/08/2024 09:53

Choochoo21 · 02/08/2024 09:34

The actual act wouldn’t bother me.

They were both adults and got carried away with each other and then carried on dating afterwards.

I know lots of people who meet at bars/clubs and have a ONS with them.

What would give me the ick is the fact he’s still talking about it over a decade later.

How did the conversation come about?

Were you talking about the wildest thing you’ve done with a partner - if so, I wouldn’t judge him for telling the story.

But if he brought it up to brag about it randomly then I’d have to end it because I wouldn’t be able to get over the ick.

Yep, agree with everything you say

Original poster
Curiousto · 02/08/2024 14:47

I can fully read the thread now, rather than the snatches I had when he was going to the loo.

We carried on chatting until around 2am, when he left. He could sense I was not feeling myself, and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him I just needed to go to bed and sleep, which he respected.

Now that I've had some time to think it all through, I think I'm alright with it. 19 yr olds 15 years ago were different to 19 yr olds now. Back in the 90s, I'd have excitedly done what the girl did if there had been flirting on both parts, an attraction and opportunity. I'd have been very insistent. When I asked how on earth it got to that point, apparently she spread the blanket over them. Started on him with her hands without asking. Then lay in his lap. How many single men are going to stop that offer happening? Like someone said in the thread, it's an FHM story happening to him for real.

My daughter though wouldn't dare (I don't think!) nor would her friends. Although she may. And should she be judged for it?

There must have been an instant attraction for them to have dated for 3 months after meeting. Or lust.

He told me because we are getting to that stage of getting to know you better...we were talking about "I can't believe this actually happened" moments. Started off quite innocent, then got fruitier. I told him I was part of the mile high club. He then came out with that.

Thank you to all of you for your contributions. I hope I don't need MN to help me process any more revelations from him!

OP posts: