To feel sad looking at this group of mums.

[AugMummy]

At my childrens swimming lesson today. They’re also in same school as my DD and sane class so I see them out and about all the time. It just makes me feel sad that I’ll never have that connection with a group of women. I was even talking to one of how I was feeling (I get really on nicely with her) she said she knows what I mean as during covid when she couldn’t meet up with her friends (the same group of mums) She felt like that. Individualy they are all lovely and I’ve tried to really get along by inviting for play dates, coffee etc. but then I never feel part of their group and they’ve never invited me as a group. I’ve got to the point where I accept it and just keep to hi and bye and have a conversation when I see them but I accept they have something wonderful I don’t ever have.

I just feel if I had been brought up into a loving and caring family that wasn’t dysfunctional I too could have had that.

Have you got a job? It's easy to feel very isolated as a mum at home, but I found when I'm back in the world or work, my confidence grows, I become much more 'magnetic' if you know what I mean, and it spills out into my private life. I find weirdly, that I have a lot more socials (not even with the work peeps). If you don't want a full time job could you get bank work and choose your shifts? Or volunteer at a shop or temple or kitchen? You'll meet loads of people. Or a hobby class?

The main group of Mum’s at my daughter’s school weren’t friendly to me. I think they thought I wasn’t involved enough because I worked long hours and didn’t volunteer much for helping with things. But they ostracised other people too (seemed to be anyone who wasn’t very middle class) so I just made friends with those people instead. There are bound to be nice, shy or less popular Mum’s you can try to get to know. It isn’t that group or no one.

Yes. These cliques are awful. Friendship groups are fine but so often they are exclusive. I find them tiresome and adolescent.

Look for the-mums who are in the sidelines and leave he clique alone. You want like minded people as fronds, these packs are very hard to infiltrate.

Some people don't like certain types of skin colours. Some people don't want anything to do with people if they drive less expensive cars or live in less expensive houses. Your children attending the same school won't change who they are and how big their hearts are. So it has nothing to do with you, it's their minds. Forget about trying to fit in, instead, try to improve yourself. Improve your appearance, work hard in your job, read more books, travel more, help your children to achieve more, and most importantly love yourself more and be stronger and better! You will attract the right type of friendship if you improve your value. When you look back, you will realise they are not right for you.

Ive really enjoyed listening to Michael Mosleys ‘Just one thing’ podcast. It’s really helped me make small positive changes to my life which have helped me develop more self worth

I've just spent years part of a primary school clique. Coffee and pastries after drop off, pub trips and sitting together at sports day. Then one day I realised how toxic some of them were and how crappy they are to not invite more people or pretend we're not meeting up. I made friends with some other people and then stopped being invited. What you see from the outside can look nice but one or two genuine friendships or even nice chatty people to say hello to can be worth much more.

As some have said, I’d seek to build on one mums friendship at a time. That may build into you being included in the group and sometimes it shows that this is not the group for you. I’ve experienced similar and have felt isolated but soon realised that it was not a group I’d want to join anyway. I realised also that as a single parent you’re not always welcome. That said of all the women in our group it was the married ones that were having affairs.

just give it time, you sound lovely, you’ll build your group x

I feel you. The first time I went to a mums group I started bonding with many of the mums individually, sometimes even sitting with the group. As our kids have all gotten older I've seen them all posting on Facebook their kids going out together at the weekend and stuff and realising I was never invited. There's no racial aspect to my story but I'm not British by birth and this group is all British.

Honestly, I try to focus on the friends I do have and not focus on them. Relationships work both ways and while you may look at them and think "I wish I had that" please try and look at yourself and think about how you are a worthy human being and actually that they SHOULD be looking at you and thinking "I wish I hung out with her" and that by not thinking that, there's something missing in their life, believe me.

When I was at university I was horribly bullied by my housemates. They would all go out as a group and make a point of not inviting me. When I would talk at home, they'd ridicule what I'd say, make me feel so small and laugh at me. I felt so small and unsafe in my own home. I tried SOOOO hard to get them to like me. One day I realised that was never going to happen. I left the housing contact, cut all ties to all of them. Only then did I realise how small the lives were of the people I had been desperately trying to get to notice me. I realised that I had all the power now, I had cut them off. If they didn't reach out to me, that was their loss, I was getting on with a beautiful life.

The outcome is that every year I get Facebook friend requests from these girls (now women) and messages asking me how I'm doing and maybe I'd like to hang out some time. I ignore them. I think they had power as a group but as individuals we're all vulnerable, and uni is over now so they're trying to reconnect so they have bonds in their life.

The moral of the story is to not think worse of yourself because they don't see your worth right now. You are worthy.

Established friendship groups are hard to break into, they may have known each other a while. The parents of my DS friends have all known each other a long time and are good friends, socialise together alot, always at each other's houses. They're nice people, but they've all already got lots of friends and busy lives. They're all on the PTA or involved in running the canteen or help out in the uniform shop. I think sometimes people don't have space for any more friends in their life. It leaves my son out at weekends, but he's Autsitic and doesn't have the social battery to regularly be at other people's houses anyway. It has hurt sometimes, but I don't really have the energy for it myself anyway.

This is very sweet (and cute) 🥰

Please don’t believe these mums have something wonderful. A lot of times school has to deal with the fall out when things go wrong. If the children fall out (as they do) the mum friendship can go tits up very quickly. Stick to hi & bye and look for friendship elsewhere, honestly the school mum friendship groups are hard work.