To think that my child is unlikely to be abducted from a soft play centre

[Spero]

A few days ago I offered to take a friend's daughter along with mine to a soft play centre. My dd is 3, hers is 5. I was being completely selfish because my dd has a much better time if not on her own.

Friend refused on basis that she has recently seen a TV programme where a child was abducted by a paedophile from a soft play centre by a man posing as a father who then escaped via the fire exit.

I had never ever considered abduction a risk at a soft play centre. Now i am wracked with guilt because a good five minutes can go by at one of those places without me having any idea where dd is (althought that big pit with all the balls is a good bet) and I had always thought the worst thing that could happen is that she would fall over and get a bump.

Am now paranoid. Should I revert to following my dd alround the equipment (which is both knackering and undignified) or is my friend being a bit OTT?

That's fine if you don't believe me. I am not going to be posting newspaper articles, crime statistics for you. If you choose not to believe it, that's your deal, not mine.

As I work in law enforcement, I was simply pointing out things I have seen in the scope of the job. Luckily, I get to be a SAHM starting tomorrow, and I don't have to deal with these types of horrible things that we see all the time. It'll be nice to live with blinders on again, like everyone else. Sometimes it is not nice to know so much about the area you live in.

Here are the actual stats from the home office:

There were 67 successful abductions in the UK by a stranger in 2002/3 and weirdly, the average age of the child was 10. Numbers for grooming is 77. 'This included offenders offering refuge to young people
who had repeatedly gone missing and enticing them into using alcohol, drugs and possibly becoming involved in prostitution.'

I wonder how many of those were in a soft play centre? Not many, I'd bet. And I'd hope that if you have a good relationship with your child, they'd tell you if a stranger approached them and chatted to them only when you weren't around.

Dear triggles

sorry but that is just not good enough. People are clearly very scared, my friend is just trying to be a good mum. You're not helping with these prognostications of doom that you either can't or won't substantiate.

If its so clear and obvious, then please help the dimwits like me to appreciate the danger before my dd is whisked away from the ball pit by predatory paedophile. I've worked with some real shit bags in my time but none of them ever hung around soft play centres.

spicemonster, that is very scarey. Do the statistics say how many were recovered?

Quite frankly I think that statistics are really not the issue here. Surely the issue is; if there is a chance that someone could abduct/groom your child, no matter how remote or unlikely that is to happen, we should all keep an eye on our children. In the same way we take care of our children when they are crossing the road or in a crowded place.
I'm sure before Jamie Bulger everyone laughed at the idea of a small child being abducted from a supermarket. I don't care what small percentage of children are abducted but I'm 100% sure that my child isn't going to be one of them!

Spero - Frankly, I don't care whether or not you think it's "good enough." It wasn't a prog. of doom, simply stating something that I am aware has happened, in order to give a "heads up" to others. If you feel the need to elevate it to terror level, then I guess, as I said earlier, that's your problem. I'd like to think you're familiar (as most are in this day and age) with the term "data protection" and realise that obviously I can't go into details as it is work related. And lordy, for approximately the 90 millionth time, I specifically stated that grooming was more molestation related than abduction related.

I said before, and obviously it bears repeating, it was not said to panic anyone, merely to point out that in any place like that, it's a smart idea to simply monitor your child.

Yes ok, see your points but as someone very wisely pointed out much earlier unless you are prepared to keep your children locked in a small box all day there is going to be a risk.

But how on earth do we live our lives without constantly looking over our shoulders in fear and compromising our children's ability to enjoy their childhoods unless we have SOME idea of how likely/unlikely a particular scenario is?

T, I'm not asking you to breach confidentiality/data protection act etc,etc, just asking to give me a clearer idea of just HOW big a risk such and such is.

For eg Grumble - you wouldn't be saying that you are not going to take your child to a supermarket would you??

Of course we always need to keep an eye out on our children. But what I was originally asking was - am I unreasonable to be reading Grazia and having a coffee for five minutes in a soft play centre or am I thus running an unacceptable risk that dd is being groomed somehow in the ball pit???

I think the majority of posters have reassured me, but don't get on your high horse when I simply ask for more and better info. You can do that without breaching anyones confidentiality. I'm not asking for names and addresses FFS!!

Of course I can't say how big a risk it is, as I only know things that HAVE happened, not what will in future. Again, it's all a matter of simply reducing risk by monitoring your child while at the play area. It's just common sense that children that are not monitored at all are more likely to be targeted, as they are more accessible. As I said before, each parent has to assess the situation and do what they think is best, according to the play area and their child.

This is getting tedious and at this point doing the OP no good. I'm not a trick pony that dances when someone else demands proof. I've given what basic info I can. It was simply a "heads up" to make people aware. Do with it what you will.

Pmsl at Morning Paper.

Cheers for that. I will do as you suggest. Grazia beckons.

Cheers for that. I will do as you suggest. Grazia beckons.

I think your friend reads the DM or is clinically insane or paranoid. Get her daughter to "look after" your daughter and they'll stay together. I'd be absolutely amazed if anyone managed two little girls na leg it through the doubtlessly alarmed fire escape. Sounds like an urban myth to me.

Re that child in shopping centre myth - my dh works in surveillance and the new technology is amazing. If you walk into a shopping centre, say, with a child and it goes missing, the cameras will be able in seconds to identify you, then run all footage of to find you with the child, then run on the child and all footage of the child - no matter how dressed as the id is the face. It takes seconds - I have seen a demo and it is very impressive.