To think that my child is unlikely to be abducted from a soft play centre

[Spero]

A few days ago I offered to take a friend's daughter along with mine to a soft play centre. My dd is 3, hers is 5. I was being completely selfish because my dd has a much better time if not on her own.

Friend refused on basis that she has recently seen a TV programme where a child was abducted by a paedophile from a soft play centre by a man posing as a father who then escaped via the fire exit.

I had never ever considered abduction a risk at a soft play centre. Now i am wracked with guilt because a good five minutes can go by at one of those places without me having any idea where dd is (althought that big pit with all the balls is a good bet) and I had always thought the worst thing that could happen is that she would fall over and get a bump.

Am now paranoid. Should I revert to following my dd alround the equipment (which is both knackering and undignified) or is my friend being a bit OTT?

I am positive mine wouldn't, she is quite timid. But I am sure lots would which did make me wonder about the security in this place. And my other child is 7.

I feel sorry for the poor child. If her mother is suspicious of a soft-play centre, then I would imagine she applies this paranoia to a lot of other scenarios. The poor kid must live a really boring life!!

Even though I think this woman is completely OTT, I have to say that this world is going crazy. I yearn for my children to have the personal freedom I grew up with. They will never have it and I think that is so, so, so sad!!!

Days spent riding my bike - I could be gone for hours before my mother would worry. Shit, nowadays, if one of mine were out of my sight for more than 10 minutes I'd start fretting.

I?m one of those undignified Mothers that clambers after their child while all the other parents give me odd looks. Would rather be paranoid and over cautious than sorry. I personally hate the soft play areas, my son always gets ill after visiting one but I still take him because he seems to love it. I do get pitying looks from six year olds though when I?m flung of the ceiling to floor yellow slide with my heart in my mouth.

I don't take my eye of my son for a moment when ever we're out but that doesn't mean I suspect every male that I see. I once saw an old man in the park sitting on a nearby bench watching the children play, I think people can forget what a lovely sight it is to see children play an always assume that a lone man on a bench is a pedophile.

Grumblestiltskin if you are worried about your child being abducted as we all are why do you only suspect lone males? It isn't just peadophiles who abduct children. Although they are the main concern think of little James Bulger he was taken by two young boys and woman have been involved in these things too. The sad fact is in the eyes of a parent everyone is a suspect! Wish our children could have the freedom we had but you just can't do it these days.

Oh sorry misread your post LOL well post is to everyone then

youngbutnotdumb- you confused me for a second!

confused myself LOL not very difficult to confuse me I'm afraid!

If you're worried just sit in view of the exits and notice who is leaving.
I do think this kidnap worry is over the top nowadays; it's SO RARE but highly reported on, making us think it's happening every five minutes.

Is this just a continuation of my naivety but HOW would it be possible to 'groom' a child at a soft play centre??

do i add this to my list of things to worry about or do i stick with my first reaction which is - surely bonkers??

I don't get it either spero.

I think we (as a generation) have become soooo over protective, and it is our children who suffer as a result.

Spero - actually, it is quite easy. Think about it. You are at the same playplace a couple days a week. A strange male initially just smiles at the child, maybe waves here and there. The next time, the child is in the ball pool, and the male picks up a few stray balls and tosses them back into the ball pool with a stray comment to the child. Maybe by then he's heard the mother call the child, so he knows the child's name. Each time, he makes friendly contact. The child grows to trust him each time he sees male at playplace. Then one day the child goes into the toilet and the male is there, but the child trusts him.....

Lots of these types of incidents are planned out carefully, not necessarily a spur of the moment. Because if they have the kid trusting, he/she isn't going to tell anyone, and it may happen a number of times at the playplace before anyone is the wiser.

I know it sounds dreadful, but it does happen. And that's the whole reason a child needs to be monitored. Not hovered over, but simply monitored while they are playing.

Yes okay, I can see how that could happen. But I would think that most people never ever go to a play pit a couple of times a week. I used to go once every six months or so. At £7 for two children, it is (for me and I would assume for others too) way too expensive to contemplate more than once a month say.
So you would need a situation where a certain child goes a couple of times a week (rare imo), at the exact centre where a groomer hangs out (because I really don't believe there is one at every centre), at the exact same days as the groomer (because unless he/she works there he/she cannot be there all day every day).
Seems like a few too many coincidences are needed to turn the abduction into a reality.

But perhaps I suffer from head-in-sand-itis

We have two different soft play centres in our area where you can get a year's pass. So it's feasible that some go frequently.

I wasn't actually referring to abduction. Grooming isn't generally related to abduction but molestation.

I'm certainly not saying that there is a sicko at every play place. But let's face it. A paedophile is going to go where the kids are - parks, soft play centre, near schools. Time and time again, that's where they gravitate. I'm not trying to hit the panic button - I'm merely saying that it's always a good idea to keep an eye on kids as, while generally nothing will happen, there is still that possibility that it could. I only pointed out the example as someone had said it wasn't possible. It is. Likely? maybe not. But possible. Hence just a simple bit of awareness.

Message withdrawn

megglevache, I actually meant Snappys I have found the JC ok, so far, but I usually only go when its quiet. Dont you get a mix of , erm.....clientele there though?

'Spero - actually, it is quite easy. Think about it. You are at the same playplace a couple days a week. A strange male initially just smiles at the child, maybe waves here and there. The next time, the child is in the ball pool, and the male picks up a few stray balls and tosses them back into the ball pool with a stray comment to the child. Maybe by then he's heard the mother call the child, so he knows the child's name. Each time, he makes friendly contact. The child grows to trust him each time he sees male at playplace. Then one day the child goes into the toilet and the male is there, but the child trusts him.....'

I'm sorry but this is just mad. I echo what hippi said. and its a bit of a big bloody leap to smiling and waving and then getting your todger out in the toilets.

grooming surely is about making the child think that the awful things you are doing to them are quite normal or 'our little secret' or 'you can't tell mummy she wouldn't believe you'. i just don't see how this could ever happen in a busy, noisy environment with children running everywhere and at least some parents keeping an eye out.

And surely by the time this very persistent paedophile had been smiling and waving for a couple of weeks SOMEBODY would have got suspicious?

'Wish our children could have the freedom we had but you just can't do it these days.'

Is there any evidence at all that sexual abuse from strangers/child abuse has increased over the last 30 or so years? Or is it just our paranoia?

Sorry that should have read sexual abuse from strangers/child abduction

How on earth would a single man get into a soft-play area?

I often look around at the people at these places and think that really these look like the sort of people likely to LEAVE children, not grab ADDITIONAL ones

Friend is daft. Not at all likely to happen. If there is one place where I used to feel justified in sitting down quietly and drinking an semi-cold overpriced cappuccino, it was one of those hellholes.

ROFL

Surely if someone were to try and abduct a child in the soft play, they would need leading out of it by a three year old.... I would never be able to find my way out....its a maze in there

Statistically I think it remains true that children are most likely to be killed or sexually abused by their parents or another family member.

From what I can recall (don't ask me where I got this from) abduction and murder by a stranger has remained pretty constant over the past forty years at about ten a year.

LOL Spero. If you insist, that's fine. As I said, grooming is technically gaining the child's trust so that the person no longer seems like a stranger and is more likely not to tell. Yes, it is a big leap, which is why it's called grooming, as it is a gradual thing - and not called pouncing. I didn't say this happens at every play place, and I did state this type of thing is generally related to molestation not abduction. And relatives generally are not grooming children in that respect, as the child already knows them and trusts them.

And yes, someone WOULD get suspicious...if they were monitoring their child. But many don't. For the most part, simply monitoring of your child in the play area is the best precaution against any kind of problem, including bullying by another child, etc. But kindly don't sit there and say that it's madness and doesn't ever happen. It does sometimes happen. I'm sorry if you don't believe it, but there it is.

sorry, I don't believe you.

Send me the link to the newspaper article, crime statistic whatever that proves that it is possible/has ever in fact happened.

until that time i will be sitting here happily on my sofa kindly saying 'this is madness!'