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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my child is unlikely to be abducted from a soft play centre

112 replies

Spero · 14/04/2008 14:36

A few days ago I offered to take a friend's daughter along with mine to a soft play centre. My dd is 3, hers is 5. I was being completely selfish because my dd has a much better time if not on her own.

Friend refused on basis that she has recently seen a TV programme where a child was abducted by a paedophile from a soft play centre by a man posing as a father who then escaped via the fire exit.

I had never ever considered abduction a risk at a soft play centre. Now i am wracked with guilt because a good five minutes can go by at one of those places without me having any idea where dd is (althought that big pit with all the balls is a good bet) and I had always thought the worst thing that could happen is that she would fall over and get a bump.

Am now paranoid. Should I revert to following my dd alround the equipment (which is both knackering and undignified) or is my friend being a bit OTT?

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 14/04/2008 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FairyMum · 14/04/2008 19:20

surely even abductors cannot stand these soft play areas?awful places.

NotABanana · 14/04/2008 19:31

I saw a drama where a child was taken from a soft play area but it turned out to have been by the child's brother. He had been adopted at a baby when the mother had had him very young.

Our play area is pretty secure. No one can get out of the gate without the staff clearing them but to be fair if someone else had my child she wouldn't know it wasn't okay. My son is only 2 so I follow him around a bit.

belgo · 14/04/2008 19:33

I went to a soft play area in Bristol recently. It was incredibly secure - you had to be buzzed in and out.

Soft play centres in Belgium have no security. They rely on parents watching the children.

claricebeansmum · 14/04/2008 19:35

Would a soft play place let in someone on their own without child?

oiFoiF · 14/04/2008 19:36

i must admit i hate the way all the mums sit around chatting at soft play centres whilst their children runr iot. Just because its 'soft' play doesnt mean you do not need to supervise your children

mad4mybaby · 14/04/2008 19:40

oif, i completely agree with you! My ds is 22 months so obv go round with him and dont let him out of my site. I cant stand when parents just dont bother what their dc are up to. There have been numerous times ive had to 'tell off' someone elses kid, wether thats because they are running havoc in the little ones are or pushing my ds about. It isnt a creche and alot of parents seem to treat them like one. I cant stand them places either, only take ds when wether is awful.

Our local one has a desk with a gate. You sign in and out but isnt always someone there and the gate isnt even locked.

oiFoiF · 14/04/2008 19:41

mine are 8,6 and 7 months but the amount of bullying that goes on at ours is inbelievable tbh

I do try andavoid the place as much as possible

sunflowervalley · 14/04/2008 19:41

My DD who is 5 went to a party at a soft plat centre on Saturday and the invitation said stay or drop off.
We live about 15 mins drive away.

DH took her and stayed with her as was not happy about leaving her.

As someone else said they are frantic these places and can't rely on other mothers or the orgainiser to keep an eye on her all the time.

It did cross my ming about people coming in not linked to the party but also if she were to have an accident and no one was there with her.

PortAndLemon · 14/04/2008 19:42

When you decide not to raise your child 24/7 in a sterile bubble in an underground bunker you are deciding to risk something awful happening to them, because the payoff is worth the risk. After that point it's just a case of balancing different levels of risk and payoff.

KerryMum · 14/04/2008 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harpsichordcarrier · 14/04/2008 20:15

it is impossible to supervise in our local one - you just can't see into it

mountainbabes · 14/04/2008 20:29

definitely OTT. most soft centres are designed so kids can't easily 'escape' or be knicked. it pays to be cautious, but not too neurotic!

Bluestocking · 14/04/2008 20:31

UQD, I heard that a paedo disguised himself as a tornado to take a little girl, and then abandoned her with a gang dressed as a wild animal, a robot and a scarecrow. Oh no, hang on, that was The Wizard of Oz.

minouminou · 14/04/2008 20:46

wizard of oz
i've got tea coming out of my nose now!

Heated · 14/04/2008 21:03

A family friend has told her 8 yr old dd that she is to scream and run if any adult she does not know speaks to her. Made me think of that programme Cotton Wool kids. Maybe I should suggest she gets dd chipped?

Had to kick dh hard under table when she told us this. However, more likely her child will die as a result of passive smoking, an inactive lifestyle or even scurvy due to her lack of sunlight and a crap diet, than be abducted.

Crunchie · 14/04/2008 21:08

did any of you watch that programme 'cotton wool kids' channel 4 the other day.

the poor children were walking around in a terrified state! And one barmy mother wanted - in all seriousnes- to MICROCHIP her kids!! WTF

LittleBella · 14/04/2008 21:13

Your child is unlikely to be abducted, but you are unlikely to enjoy yourself very much as these places are hellholes, so keep away from them and earn brownie points from your insane friend.

tribpot · 14/04/2008 21:26

I'm still in the zone where I would be delighted if I wasn't forced to climb up the climbing frame designed for toddlers, simply because ds insists he can't get to the top unless I do (yet mysteriously can if grannie, daddy or grandma is the only adult present).

Last time I was in the ball pool one child remarked to me "grown ups aren't allowed in here" to which I refrained to respond "actually the ball pool is for under 12s, and you aren't, so we'll both get out shall we?"

I'd be very surprised if someone could get out of a fire exit without an alarm being raised.

FairyMum · 15/04/2008 21:20

"A family friend has told her 8 yr old dd that she is to scream and run if any adult she does not know speaks to her."

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/04/2008 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LittleBella · 15/04/2008 22:41

Gawd some people have got some really wierd family friends.

With some really unsocialised maladjusted kids, if they're following their parent's barking advice.

Triggles · 16/04/2008 08:15

Our local soft play centre is awful. No monitoring and so gross. Most mothers I've seen there are happy to turn their kids loose and ignore them while drinking coffee and chatting. The only time they step in with their "little angels" is when another adult tells the kids off that are being horrid. Then, of course, they get stroppy with the other adult. I've taken DS there a couple times, but there's been no improvement, so we don't go anymore.

As far as paedos are concerned, it's pretty common sense that they will gravitate towards where the children are. And while there is most likely not an abduction issue, grooming can be an issue. But generally, children are targeted that are alone or not being monitored. A simple watchful eye is the best protection, as well as a child (obviously depending on their age) having a basic understanding of "don't talk to strangers." I will admit that working in a police environment can make you a bit more paranoid as all you hear are the bad things that can happen, but generally knowing where your kids are and who they are with goes a long way.

bozza · 16/04/2008 08:35

Actually I did hear of a child disappearing from our local soft play centre. Wasn't an abduction though. Think she was about 3 and just walked out - maybe with a bunch of other people. She wandered up to the local Co-op (which involves crossing the village main street with buses and lots of cars although 30 zone) and appeared to be alone in there. So one of the assistants asked where her Mummy was and she just said " in XXX" so one of the Co-op staff members marched her back down and I am not sure she had even been missed.

I do trust my children not to do that though.

belgo · 16/04/2008 08:38

I don't think any three year old can be trusted not to walk out of a place if they are not being supervised. This is why it should always be the parent's (or whoever is with the child) responsibility to watch the child.

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