I keep putting off potty training - help!

[ChiccaD]

Dear clever MNs. Please tell me how you went about potty training your children.

I keep putting it off and at this rate we will be in primary school before we are out of nappies.

Lots of talk of laziness on this thread, and kids being "too old" or whatever. We're all "mum's know best!" until it's something that can be judged smugly from the sidelines.

I look forward to when my child is collecting his degree but some other person gets a better degree because they were potty trained before 3

So long as they're done before school, or pre-school, or whatever setting it's required for, then why do you care? Why do you sit in judgement of those who've not done it at the same time as yours? WHY DOES IT MATTER?!

As I said before, mine were done at 3 years-ish. I don't care if you think this is "late" - it worked for me and my family and quite frankly, over ten years later, I don't care, let alone care about whether you care!

You don't get a medal for being able to complete this parenting action before others. But I don't see why actually taking into account my own comfort as a parent is wrong. Having small children is stressful enough without trying to force an action they're not ready for.

Nappies in land fill is a big reason why 3.5 is too old

This thread isn't about sustainability. And you've not brought that up before so clearly not top of your mind either when potty training?

3 year olds in nappies is , quite frankly, a bit gross.

Most children are well able to train well before that.

My DD was 2yr 8 months and it took 4 months for it to click with her. We just took it slowly because that worked best for her. I let her run round naked and would take her to the toilet every hour or watch for any cues that she needed to go. I worked up to pants, then dresses, leggings and eventually tights because they seemed a bit more of a pain for her to take off to go.

I've just potty trained my 3yo last week. With him I let him go naked and would guide him towards the potty whenever it looked like he needed to go. It did help explaining to him that we were no longer going to use nappies in the day now and that he was a big boy and would be using the potty. If he managed a wee/poo on the potty he got a sweet and a lot of OTT applause and enthusiasm. He's a week in now and it's clicked very quickly for him so I now feel confident enough to take him out in pants and trust that he'll tell me if he needs to go. I think some kids are just like that. There have been the odd accidents (there was a spectacular poo accident last night!) but I think as long as you don't make a massive deal about it so they end up thinking they've done something wrong, it really helps.

He may have trained just as easily 6 months before too

Amazing how many children were not trained at my sons private nursery in the preschool room, who accommodated nappy changes for 3+ vs the school preschool where he went 2 days and they HAD to be trained to attend (with the exception of children with additional needs, but actually, they were also trained although perhaps not as reliable).

Potty training is mostly adult inclination not “readiness” just like sitting up, weaning, most children are developmentally ready within the same small window of 3 months or so.

I care because I think it’s gross and neglectful to have children sat in their own excrement. I also don’t think it does anything for their self esteem to delay milestones for convenience sake.

But if you dont care what others think then you wont care what I think either and that explanation is irrelevant to you.

As soon as they start hiding when pooing in their nappies they want their privacy. Potty training gives them privacy and boosts their self-esteem because they've learned something new. I don't know why people leave it so late.

Also, I just didn't like having the task hanging over my head, better get it out of the way!

Thanks for these additional comments, mainly the debate about waiting till much later.

Makes me feel I really want the right tools and tips to try to make it a success without much agitation to the child sooner rather than later.

@viewfrommyhouse there's a lot of studies discussing the fact that children are now potty trained much much later in the West than they were 50 or 100 years ago. Children haven't become less able to potty train! Parents/society are less willing to do it, it does take a little more effort from parents to do it earlier but its perfectly possible for the vast majority of children.

Training earlier is a good thing because:

• its far less wasteful of resource in terms of nappies used or washed
• its much cleaner than children soiling themselves repeatedly each day.

It matters, because my experience shows it's worth waiting until they understand what you're trying to achieve and how you're to go about it.

You may have found that readiness doesn't feature for your kids, or perhaps have read it from a random author, but my experience is they there is a point that they become ready to learn to use the toilet.

But readiness is a thing for some children. We tried at 2 as loads of our friends were and it just wasn’t the right time. Then at 2.5 she decided she was going to use the toilet and that was it - no training required! The ones who pushed it at 2 had to deal with lots of accidents, even after they were ‘trained’.

I started at 2 years 9 months and took three days off work. I waited until she was regularly having long periods of a dry nappy, was going off to hide to do poos and could tell me that she had done a poo. And she had the physical strength / co ordination to be able to pull her own trousers down. Without those things, I think it would have been tricky.

Naked from the waist down Day 1 and we stayed in the house, and as soon as she started weeing, just a clear instruction of "wee goes in the potty" and place her on the potty, and point at the potty so she could sit on it, and I just kept on doing that over and over for the first day or so, and talking loads about wees. Loads of accidents of course on the first day or so, but by day 3 she very much understood the sensation and could go to the potty by herself for wees. By the end of the first week she was reliably dry. She was quickly dry at night after that, though that is variable in children and isn't always linked to day time control.

I ignored advice to just keep asking your child if they want to go to the potty etc. I found that questions like that raised anxiety in my daughter and instantly she got defensive and refused to do things. They don't know the answer to that question yet. I felt my daughter needed very much to feel that she was in a situation where the adult had everything in control and was calm, and would help them and show them what to do. Not a situation where they had to be telling the adult what they want to do, when they don't know how to do it yet. Too much pressure and uncertainty for the child.

Poos took a bit longer, perhaps a week or two. After meals I would take her outside and when I saw the warning signs of her needing a poo (like wanting to make an exit / hide) I'd just say very clearly "Poo goes in the potty poo goes in the potty!" and point to where it was, and she'd run over and do it eventually, with huge celebrations and singing / dancing afterwards from me. Quite a few poo on the floor accidents before that, but nothing we couldn't handle. Its better they learn to just expel things and have an accident rather than hold onto it and become constipated / frightened to release. You have to just create an atmosphere of...everythings ok...accidents are not an issue, everything is fine, Mummy is calm, Mummy has everything in control and will show you where the potty is, you're doing great, we are learning together and so forth.

It also needed my complete attention and focus for three days to get it done. It was all consuming for those three days and I think I would have struggled to do it if I had other things going on in my life at the same time.

My DD was 2yr 8 months and it took 4 months for it to click with her

So it worked for this person to have 4 months to work through the wetting and what have you. Was I supposed to take 4 months off work to ensure I could say my children were trained before 3?

Don't get me wrong - as I've said before - I tried before then. But if they were consistently wetting and not knowing they needed to go, then they're not ready. If you're constantly taking them to the toilet then are they ready, or do you just have more time to be forcing them to sit there?

there's a lot of studies discussing the fact that children are now potty trained much much later in the West than they were 50 or 100 years ago. Children haven't become less able to potty train! Parents/society are less willing to do it, it does take a little more effort from parents to do it earlier but its perfectly possible for the vast majority of children

You say "perfectly possible for the vast majority of children" - what about the parents? What if it's not possible for them? Because many more parents have a two parent working household than even 30 years ago, let alone 50 or 100.

This page isn't a scientific study but it does point to a few.

I will give you that it's better for the environment. But if you really cared, then you wouldn't have children at all, would you?

I would train straight to toilet, but we don't have a downstairs loo😒 it's very annoying!

Well done to all those who did it in three days, but this is not the norm as far as I can see among friends, and certainly not with my DS. He’s more or less trained now, at 3.5, but he started at 2 and a quarter and it’s taken over a year - and I still have to prompt him sometimes when he starts dancing around. He regresses at the drop of a hat - holidays, illness, baby sister etc. have all sent him back a stage. He also had/still has toddler diarrhoea, which led to some of the worst moments of my parenting life, but he also just didn’t care for a wee on the potty for months and months. Despite all that sounding horrendous, because it is, I don’t think it’s that uncommon.
These last couple of weeks there has been no ‘plastic bag of doom’ at the end of nursery, but I don’t think I’ll relax about it fully until he’s an adult! Night time training is definitely going to have to wait!
OP, your child may be a three-day unicorn and they may not. You judge when they’re ready to start, and be prepared to stop for a bit if nothing happens.

Just choose a day and don't put pants on them. Show them the potty. My DD (30 months at the time) wee'd on the floor once and then potty every time. Poos took longer.

But whether they are “ready” around 2 or 3 remains a moot point.

I think whether or not people did it in 3 days depends largely on their measure of success. If the child has got the hang of it by and large, i wouldn’t class a bad day of plenty of accidents etc as not having got it. To me that’s just part of it.

I tried potty training him in Jan and again in May, but he wasn't ready and it just led to a lot of frustration for both of us. I trust that a parent will know the right time for their child and it doesn't matter a jot if that's at 2yrs or 4yrs.

It doesn’t matter at all. At 20 months they are perfectly capable of understanding what you’re trying to achieve and how to go about it, assuming they’re NT of course.

Anyone who says they tried and their child wasn’t ready just fucked it up. They didn’t commit and they didn’t do it properly. Ready is a misnomer.

Absolutely this. My 20 month old couldn't talk, but was able to understand and then point at the potty when he needed it.

Day 2 of potty training was yesterday for my son and he had 0 accidents. Well, he seemed to start going once, and just did a trickle before realising and trying to get to the potty. Other than that he succeeded at 5 wees and 3 poos! We even risked an outing to a couple of shops.
He's 2 years 6 months so to anyone saying it's too early, clearly not! I know we will likely have accidents (especially as today he has nursery for 4 hours) but he obviously gets it to be doing so well already!

Nah nursery may well be zero accidents - they must have a constant rotation of potty training kids in! Great to have nursery on board if you ask me. Well done to you and your DS!