To be annoyed at friend saying my 20mo sleeps too much ?

[Lauren0401]

I was talking with a close friend and we both have 20 month old boys 2 week apart and we was talking routines today she said her boy only has 10 hours overnight if she’s lucky and then a 2 hour nap after 5 hours of being awake then awake over 6 hours after the nap ! Which surely is way too long . She got quite defensive when I said is that even enough sleep but fair dos she says that is the sweet spot for sleeping well at night. She then annoyed me by saying if anything my son has too much and it’s really rubbed me the wrong way

my son wakes and naps after about 3and half hours of wake time and naps for 3 and half - 4 hours he then will go down around 6:30/7 and have 12 and half / 13 hours

surely more sleep is better than less ?!

Take no notice shes just jealous

It's just daft to compare. Kids and babies are unique just like adults. I need 8 hours of sleep, my DH can get by happily on less. We are all different!

1. It does sound like your son sleeps a lot. That's fine, everyone's different.

1. You started it by suggesting her kid sleeps too little! What on earth did you expect?

So you critiqued her parenting first, which you think is fine, but then got annoyed when she critiqued you back?

So you told her that her baby was awake for too long, then she got defensive and said yours sleeps for too long, and now you're annoyed?

Sounds like you both made judgemental comments about each others kids

You literally called out your friends sons sleep pattern then got annoyed when she did the same?

online says -

Our goal is 12-14 hours of total sleep in a 24-hour period for a 20 month old. We want to aim for 10-12 hours of overnight sleep and 2-3 hours of daytime sleep.

so actually your friends son is having 12 hours in 24 and yours is having nearly 17? Seems like a lot of sleep to me

i have an 18mo old and he has about 13 hours in 24

Do you not think it's the same thing as you did? You said 'is that even enough sleep' she said 'that's too much sleep' It's just tit for tat..

Do you think possibly you annoyed her first by saying her child doesn’t have enough sleep?

You really can’t compare them. did you start critiquing each other’s daily structure, meal plans, and outfit choices too?

You shouldn’t have commented on her son’s sleep. Unless she’s come to you seeking advice on it, just don’t t try to give her advice on it.

You made a comment first.

Your baby does sleep a lot compared to mine at 20mo, but they are all different.

If your child is really sleeping 16+ out of 24 hours at that age, I'd be keeping an eye.

You were a judge pants, she responded.

Children are different - some need more sleep than others and even with only two weeks between them, your children might be at different stages and in different phases.

Get off your high horse.

You commented first!! For what it's worth, her son sounds more typical for his age. Yours sounds like he sleeps too much! A early two year old should be able to stay awake for 5-6 hours.

You criticised her first! And children are very individual but 17 hours of sleep in 24 hours is a lot! Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong but your child is probably the outlier rather than hers.

You’re both on the defensive and criticising each other’s routine.

If you feel your boy sleeps well then great, if she feels the same then great.

Honestly, parenthood is a long slog, it’ll be 100x easier to accept others’ do things differently, to have confidence in your own ability to parent and to support rather than criticise supposed friends.

This is such a stupid thing to argue/get hacked off about. Sounds like both have too much time on their hands.

16/17 hours is a lot and I'd be checking with my GP/HV about it.

Her son sleeps closer to what is average/recommended. You were wrong to say it was too little, rude to comment on her parenting and ridiculous to be offended when she (rightly) pointed out that if anything your child sleeps too much.

Oh God, just stop comparing and criticising.

I've seen very long, very close friendships ruined by that sort of crap when babies come along.

I mean 17 hours is a lot of sleep. I would probably just check if there is any reason for this. And I’d be worried if there was sufficient awake time to do everything

I have a 20mo and your friend's child seems right on track with what is suggested. I do think your child sleeps way too much.

Bith are fine. Yabu for commenting her child doesn't sleep enough and she retaliated. I would have silently eye rolled rather than say anything.

Be a support to each other, only give opinion if asked and avoid comparing.

God i wish my child (22 months) slept a much as either of yours. In broken!

I mean my eldest didn't nap at all at 20 months, just good sleep at night. Youngest had maybe an hour or two nap before lunch.

So you slagged off her parenting first - she got defensive and batted something back (your child does sleep a lot btw!) and now you’re offended? That’s rich! YABU. And stop commenting on other people’s parenting and comparing!!

That’s too much sleep in my opinion although might be ok if he’s meeting his milestones. Your friend’s son is more normal in terms of amount of sleep.

I also think your reaction to a slight criticism, or even just pointing out what’s clearly obvious, is totally unreasonable. All babies are different but you should be aware that your dc is having way more sleep than is usual and to be honest it’s not ok that you haven’t picked that up.