To be annoyed at friend saying my 20mo sleeps too much ?

[Lauren0401]

I was talking with a close friend and we both have 20 month old boys 2 week apart and we was talking routines today she said her boy only has 10 hours overnight if she’s lucky and then a 2 hour nap after 5 hours of being awake then awake over 6 hours after the nap ! Which surely is way too long . She got quite defensive when I said is that even enough sleep but fair dos she says that is the sweet spot for sleeping well at night. She then annoyed me by saying if anything my son has too much and it’s really rubbed me the wrong way

my son wakes and naps after about 3and half hours of wake time and naps for 3 and half - 4 hours he then will go down around 6:30/7 and have 12 and half / 13 hours

surely more sleep is better than less ?!

Lot of ear infections and late talker sounds like glue ear. He needs a referal to audiology and potentially ENT too.

The conversation with your friend is a complete non-issue.

As PPs have said though, as your toddler is a bit out of the "normal" spectrum, it's probably best to have it checked out, assuming it's been going on weeks / months, and not just that he's sickening or having a growth spurt!

FWIW, mine dropped his naps completely at two and two months, and never had more than 12 hours sleep in a 24 hour period since he was really tiny (it was just the promotions of night sleeps / naps which changed).

One thing you learn as you grow more confident as a parent is not to give a shit about other people's parenting and how their kids are doing compared to yours. Or at least you need to learn this to survive the next 18+ years with your sanity intact. Do what works for you.

My little one sleeps less than either of yours and I'm sure we've been getting plenty of judgment lately because in the heatwave neither of my children go to bed before 11pm. It works better for our family to move to a continental schedule when it's hot where we get up late (I'm lucky to be at home with them for the holidays), mooch around the house most of the day or go out to nearby shady places, little one naps until late in the afternoon and then around 6pm we go out to the nearby playground and into town until 9pm to make the most of the cool, light evening hours. That's what works for us - it wouldn't for everyone.

If you don't have any medical concerns around the sleep, then just enjoy it. You know what works for your DC.

OP, it comes across as you’re transferring your own insecurities here. Mums speak proudly about their babies milestones - she is not doing it “because she loves fo rub”. She never mentioned breastfeeding as the reason for her kid’s good health, you are the own assuming that. Even if that’s the case - let her be happy about her choice.

As others said you were the first being judgmental when her toddler’s schedule is actually more in line with guidelines for that age group. Children develop at different rates and excessive comparisons aren’t great. However it seems you are somehow uncomfortable that her DC is progressing quicker than yours but instead of assessing your son’s particular situation you are channeling your worries and frustrations to this friend.

All children are different. I do things differently to my sister & she always mentions it… It’s because my DS is different to hers. No other reason! Well, maybe it’s because she’s read all of the books & done as they say. I just do what I think my child likes.

That is a lot of sleep. I'd be checking with a GP. Mum of 4 and they all dropped their nap between 18 months and 2. Slept overnight 8-8.

So you think it's fine to question her dc sleeping times but are now offended that she has questioned yours?

This is the sort of lunacy that makes me question democracy

Thing is, OP… all toddlers are different.

I had a sleepy one like yours.

But at 20 months, none of my other 3 were napping in the day at all. And if they did, they’d be awake at midnight.

Meanwhile the first child would still ideally have been napping when he started school and would sometimes go to bed at 6pm.

OPs is sleeping a lot, but standard is 12 hours a night and a nap until about 2.5 - 3. 18 months is very young for no nap.

Tbh there is no given standard some kids like to sleep a lot and some don't. At 20 months my DD didn't nap anymore and was okay with 10 hours. I find some are more relaxed, sleep more and hit milestones later. Keep an eye by all means but is most likely just how he is. Also, just to reassure you my DD breastfed for 3 years, ate healthily and caught every bug under the sun.

Sounds like an excessive amount of sleep for a 20 month old to be honest. Typically most one year olds transition to one nap a day as they near the age of two. Do you mean your little one only stays awake for 3 hours & then has 4 hour naps?! More than once a day? I’ve never known any toddler to sleep that much so I can see why your friend got defensive. Having said that, every baby is different - you both criticised each other so I don’t really think either of you could take more offence than the other.

You started it clearly by saying hers slept too much.
For what it’s worth her child’s routine is more age typical and yours sounds closer to my 11 month olds nap routine.

I think my eldest managed about 3 and a half hours a night with a couple of 40 minute naps between 8pm and midnight by that age. It's all a bit of a blur, tbh.

All babies are different, you said her baby didn't sleep enough, so you can hardly criticise her for saying yours sleeps too much!
Babies aren't robots, in an ideal world they should be allowed to work their own routine, obviously in the manic world we live in they can't, so we 'have' to control them.

I work with toddlers, every child is different. At that age the average toddler is doing 12 hours at night and having 1-2 naps a day usually 2-3 hours. (In total)

I would say out of the two your child is the less typical as that is a lot of day sleep. But if he's been checked by the doctor, is sleeping well at night and is alert, content and meeting milestones I really wouldn't worry.

She got annoyed when you criticised her baby's sleep and responded. Hardly surprising, is it? Don't criticise people who clearly are sleep deprived, if you don't want them to snap back at you!

I've never really heard of an infant having a 3-4 hour nap so if you critiqued me first I would definitely tell you this.

Also you can't force a kid to sleep more (I know that 😩) but you can of course wake them earlier.
Honestly if your kid sleeps a lot less than other kids it is highly annoying if someone whose kid sleeps a lot suggests yours isn't sleeping enough - there's nothing you can do about it!! It's very hard if you have say 3/4/5 less hours to yourself a day. I'd say if your kid sleeps lots you're really lucky.

Thank you @Lauren0401 I felt terrible typing this. Also again not what you might want to hear but it took 3 months to track it down to being a heart issue. only after seeing a specialist. 2 different GPs missed it. I would keep a close eye on things and if you feel that there is an issue I would go back and ask to be referred to a paediatrian. this is what we did and so glad that we did. our DC has to live with the condition now but at least we took the right precautions early on.

Based on your timings, that means your child is only awake for 7-8 hours a day. I would definitely go back to your gp… I would be worried they have missed something. I’ve never heard of a nearly 2 year old only being awake for such a short period.