To be annoyed at friend saying my 20mo sleeps too much ?

[Lauren0401]

I was talking with a close friend and we both have 20 month old boys 2 week apart and we was talking routines today she said her boy only has 10 hours overnight if she’s lucky and then a 2 hour nap after 5 hours of being awake then awake over 6 hours after the nap ! Which surely is way too long . She got quite defensive when I said is that even enough sleep but fair dos she says that is the sweet spot for sleeping well at night. She then annoyed me by saying if anything my son has too much and it’s really rubbed me the wrong way

my son wakes and naps after about 3and half hours of wake time and naps for 3 and half - 4 hours he then will go down around 6:30/7 and have 12 and half / 13 hours

surely more sleep is better than less ?!

Nailed it.

You sound pretty unreasonable in this situation. However, I can see how it would make you defensive if you have concerns about your child's development.

A 20 month old napping for 3 and a half to 4 hours in the day and still going to sleep for 7 is something I genuinely have never ever heard of. I don't think you should me making comments on anyone else's child if your so very offended are her making a comment about yours.

Yes, it is proven that breastfeeding boosts the immune system, and babies who were breastfed are healthier generally in life and as they grow older.

Breastfeeding does not stop them getting sick, but it does make any illness likely to be less severe and not last as long.

Your DS is sleeping more than the recommended amount for babies his age. He is sleeping the same amount, and has the same wake windows, as a baby over half a year younger than him.

Your friend’s son is the typical sleep schedule for a 20 month old and a baby several months younger.

Seriously, does it matter.
I couldn't summon the energy to be worked up over this, let one write a post about it.
You have different opinions, end of story.

Your friends child is far more normal. My 18 month old can wake up at 7 and stay up without a nap until bedtime, kids can cope without sleep. On the other hand I’d be concerned if my child slept as much as yours, mine only ever sleep like that when they’re sick

Can you really not see that you invited her critique by your initial comment?!
In layman's terms, you 'started it'.
🤦🏼‍♀️

There is, but that doesn't matter. Is the GP looking for glue ear, or other ENT issues? Keeping up with very hearing tests would be important in your circumstances. Stop comparing. Time will tell if anything is going on with your little one. More sleep isn't better, but I believe in needs led parenting. Do you go to stay and play etc? Is he in Nursery? If you aren't noticing a difference in him, compared with a range of other toddlers, change the subject. My eldest GC didn't really speak until she was four, some children don't.

@MoobyMoo i really didn’t know that so thank you I just thought he was lucky he hardly was ill. I have friends with kids and no one mentioned you can sleep too long so it is really news to me I actually read more sleep means the brain is building more.

wake - 7:30
nap - 10:30/11
wake - 2/2:30
sleep - 6:30/7

this is most days and I read once they wake to go to bed 12 hours later which he does so I followed that. He clearly happy with that the friend whoss kid is lucky to have 10 has to go in and shh her kid most nights lots of times mine has slept straight through and I can’t remember last time he woke. I thought that would show his schedule is perfect but I am happy to be wrong I will mention next time I go to doctors

She got quite defensive when I said is that even enough sleep

You started this by questioning her child’s sleep patterns. You are now being defensive in exactly the same way that she was.

This!! You started it!

At 20 months my DS2 (now 16) slept for 11 hours at night with no naps at all. DS1 slept for a little more . Similar to your friend’s baby.

Neither of mine slept as much as yours does at that age.

Why would her son not have a cold because she breastfeeds? Is there proof of that?

Yes, there is.

My two pretty much both gave up daytime naps at about two years old (which was a plus and a negative in various ways) 4 hours during the day............ is A LOT for a child of any age. Especially given how much he is also sleeping overnight.

Yes, there is proof that breastfeeding provides protection from common infections that cause things like colds and ear infections.

You could mention it to your doctor but one possibility is you just have a very chilled out kid who will hang around in his crib and play with his toes for an hour or so, so what appears to you to be a 2 hour nap is really a one hour nap plus one hour of him watching the curtains blow in the breeze.

@Ponoka7 no he says some babies have a smaller tube in ear and that’s why infection is common and to treat with antibiotics and try to reduce dummy but I could maybe ask for more as he has one maybe every couple month lasting a while. I put that down to why he was delayed in walking. I go with the friend to a class once a week or a soft play type thing. Thank you for your comment apart from the delayed walking and speech which I know will come he seems fine

Exactly. It is best not to compare. Kids are all different. Her child sleeps ten hours overnight and not many do that at 20 months! Yours has naps in the daytime. So what? In a few months they will both be different.

Your children are not in competition with each other.

Please go to the GP. It’s probably nothing and you’re just very lucky to have a good sleeper, but a friend’s experience has taught me excessive sleep in a child can be something, best to get checked.

Sleep is a minefield. It’s also developmental.

For a 20 month old, wake windows of 4-6 hours are normal, with daytime naps no longer than 3 hours.

Her baby waking in the night does not mean she is doing anything wrong or that her schedule is wrong.

Some babies are just shit sleepers, and there really is nothing you can do about it after addressing good sleep hygiene.

If there are no developmental concerns, I would keep going as you are, but by the time he is 24 months he should be aiming for 5.5 hours of awake time before his nap, so you do want to be building up to that.

Her sons sleep seems more the norm to me, usually by that age a larger window is needed than 3.5 hours and I’ve personally never known a child nap that long. But who cares?

You started it. All kids are different; her kid is more in line with the norm.

Yours sleeps a lot.

Struggling to work out why you cared to comment.

I found that the more mine slept in the day, the better they slept at night.

OP, it's unusual for a twenty-month-old to sleep for 16-17 hours out of 24. Your friend wasn't even necessarily being defensive; she was just pointing out that you have an unrealistic idea of how long children generally sleep for, because yours sleeps for so long. I can't understand why you thought it was okay for you to comment on how long her son sleeps, but not for her to comment on yours?

Also, of course breastfeeding boosts the immune system and reduces illnesses. I thought everyone knew this nowadays. Clearly, there needs to be more education on the importance of breastfeeding.

I have twins. One was like your DC and needed sleep, my other was like your friend’s DC. They’re 6 now and follow the same sleep patterns.

I don’t think either is right or wrong, they’re just different kids.

As an aside, my sleepy child who has a constant runny/snotty nose has speech delay. It turns out he has sleep apnea and enlarged adenoids which have caused his speech issues and I suspect has a major part to play in his sleepiness. I’m not saying that to scare you, just floating it out there as I had no idea kids had sleep apnea and I was robbed off on the adenoids for years by ent.

Worth checking with your GP as that does sound like a lot of sleep, but all children are different so it may just be that yours needs more than most. And it's good to be led by what your child needs.

I do sort of wonder if that's why he's a bit behind on his speech and learning to walk, though. It sounds like he has much less time to practise than the average toddler - less exposure to language etc. Not saying this to concern you at all...just pointing out that it could be related. The ear infections probably haven't helped with the talking either, but he will get there when the time is right.