To be annoyed at friend saying my 20mo sleeps too much ?

[Lauren0401]

I was talking with a close friend and we both have 20 month old boys 2 week apart and we was talking routines today she said her boy only has 10 hours overnight if she’s lucky and then a 2 hour nap after 5 hours of being awake then awake over 6 hours after the nap ! Which surely is way too long . She got quite defensive when I said is that even enough sleep but fair dos she says that is the sweet spot for sleeping well at night. She then annoyed me by saying if anything my son has too much and it’s really rubbed me the wrong way

my son wakes and naps after about 3and half hours of wake time and naps for 3 and half - 4 hours he then will go down around 6:30/7 and have 12 and half / 13 hours

surely more sleep is better than less ?!

I had a sleeper too.
Friend had an eater i.e. child enjoyed weaning / solids etc. mine wasn't bothered but would sleep for Britain - still does :)

My son slept a lot at that age too (12-15hrs at night and a few hours long nap also - he is now a strapping teenager!). We all have different needs, and he will be growing and developing a lot atm. If he is happy and alert while awake, eating well, wet and dirty nappies etc then you have nothing to be worried about

Both mine slept around 12 hours a day at that age
10 hours overnight and a 2 hour nap during the day
Sounds like yours has a lot of sleep but all kids are different. I would worry if it’s still the same in 6 months though
Liks other posters have said… You criticised her first. What did you expect back??!!!

Of course she was defensive after you said her child doesn't sleep enough. Some children need less sleep than others. Your child seems to need a huge amount of sleep. I think you are being defensive because you know it's not normal for a nearly 2 year old to need that much of a nap.

Well ironically hers isn't sleeping enough, at that age most are 12hrs at night plus a 2 hour nap. She has no ides what she's talking about

I’m jealous.
And my dc are adults. 😂

Well with your child sleeping so much maybe you could find a hobby rather than criticising your friend then getting all offended when you don’t like her reply.

@Oncemoreuntothebreachmother sympathy and solidarity.

@Lauren0401 sorry I have tried to think how to word what I want to say in as sensitive a way as I can but nothing reads right so just going to have to go for it. Please go and see your gp and ask for them to check your child out. One of my children slept like this and was subsequently diagnosed with cardiac issues. I had months of knowing they were different and no one believed me as to how much they slept. I am 99.9% certain that this is not the situation with your child. but if I sat here now and didnt say anything and it was and there were issues I wouldnt feel right in myself. All other milestones were spot on and I kept being dismissed. Please just ask the question.

And yours sounds like it's sleeping too much! 🤣 But that's what average means. Hers is below average and yours is above average. As long as the kids seem happy and meeting milestones I don't see the issue. Probably best also not to compare as everyone is different

Naps for 4 hours 😮. I agree with your friend to be honest!

Well you started it.

But it doesn't matter as all babies are different, you do know the meaning of average right?

I had one who didn't sleep, and I mean she didn't have a nap by 18months so luckily both you. And another who still had 2 naps a day at 20 months so it's total swings and roundabouts. Just never crow to loudly you Keverne know what you next one will be like.

YABU for being judgemental. No wonder your friend got annoyed. All babies are different, some sleep loads, some not so much.

My 16 month old has around 12 hours at night then usually a 2-3 hour nap early afternoon (after 6 hours awake), he is absolutely fine, that is his pattern, I don’t really want him to sleep anymore than that or we’d never actually be able to go anywhere/do anything with him.

@Lauren0401 exactly this!

I'm a mum to a none sleeper and if my "friend" had made a shitty "shocked" comment that surely my child isn't getting enough sleep (trust me, not for lack of effort on my part) I'd probably have bitten back with a comment too.

Wow both those babies sleep alot lol! My 3rd is now 18 months she still wakes in the night will go down fine around 7pm but has a full awake period between 2am to around 5 to 6am then sleeps till 8am. I'm lucky if she has a 40 minute nap once a day after lunch!

Ds 19 month old loves to sleep he sleeps 10 hours at night and has 2x 2 hour naps day.
My 2.5 year old sleeps for 13 Hours at night and no longer naps.
I have a 7 year old that only sleeps for 7 hours maximum.
All children are different but I do think 17 hours of sleep a day is a lot for his age. Please consider having him checked out by a GP.

🤣 same here, 22 months and maximum 12 in 24. Mines awake for 4/5 has a 30-45 min nap then awake for 6.5. OP your child does seem to sleep a lot for his age

So it's said, why does it need to annoy you?

You went there first. Can't be butthurt now for her giving it back.

Both your toddlers sleep more than mine ever did.

Why do you feel it was fine for you to comment negatively on her child, but not for her to comment on yours?

Your baby does seem to be sleeping a lot, but presumably is well when awake?

Tit for tat really

@mummymeister thanks for your worry but I have been at gps a lot and he hasn’t noticed anything wrong. We not taken him for sleep but he seems to constantly have an ear infections and lives with a sniffle but dr say every thing is fine and toddles have lots of bugs.

I take everyone comment on board and maybe i should have realised 12 hours was normal for her son and not said. She is a good friend and supportive most of time my son only just started walking and doesn’t say anything compared to hers and feel like she loves to rub in how many words he can say and like above hers only ever had 3 colds and she not said it but think she think it cause she breastfed. but she is so lovely and caring to my son o will try to stop comparing

but I don’t think anything wrong with my son he always loved to sleep even since young slept 12 hours through 2 months in

@Lauren0401 girl you got issues. You are ignoring comments that are concerned but then in the next breath telling us he seems to have lots of health issues and somewhat late in reaching milestones?

you expect your FRIEND not to express excitement in her child walking or saying lots of words out of fear it might upset you? That’s mad. And mentioning her breastfeeding even if she hasn’t? There is a good chance her son has had lots of protection from breastfeeding , it seems you have lots of resentment? I feel sorry for your friend she deserves better

have you mentioned your sons sleeping to the gp during your frequent visits?

So you got offended by a critical comment about sleep when you dished out the criticism about sleep in the first place? All babies are different, yours isn’t better because it sleeps a lot.

@Charlotteap rude piintless comment! The dr said it is just bugs and ears infection can be common. He seems to always have a cold cough and ear infection but nothing more serious. I told doctor I worried how many antibiotics he has had but bee told all is fine but not mentioned sleep he hasn’t ever asked . that is not what I am saying I am happy her child can say lots of words but she knows I upset mine doesn’t that’s what I am saying. Why would her son not have a cold because she breastfeeds? Is there proof of that?

I think your friends little one has average sleep for a 20 month old. My daughter dropped naps completely at 18 months so she was only getting about 11-12 hrs sleep in 24hrs at 20 months. I can see why your friend said something as a 3hr nap is a lot at that age.