Why are people dropping me like a hot potato? Is there something inherently wrong with me :(

[Chickenfriedriceismybestfriend]

Have name changed for this but am a few years long user.
Just what the title says really 😢feels like no body bothers with me much any more. Friends, family etc. I feel there never any reciprocation, almost like if I didn't bother then I wouldn't see anyone iyswim. Dunno just making me feel a bit sad at the moment.

Can be multiple things - sometimes people just don't have much time to give - if they respond well when you suggest something then they probably appreciate you making the effort and in years to come they will remember that

Sometimes it just happens that everyone gets busy at the same time ( just like random traffic jams ) and it just seems like no ine cares when it's just bad timing

Anyone else you might as well drop to give you time to spend with better people

Is this something that’s only started to happen recently? If so it may be that they are genuinely busy and don’t have as much time. People I saw every other day when I was younger I see quite infrequently since they started having kids etc.

I honestly think people are just going through the motions now, literally everyone seems like their head is full and they’re worn out and as a result I don’t think people think enough about everyone else. I’ve reconnected with a few friends recently and we were saying how sad it is that we don’t talk or see each other anymore

Thank you both for you replies, no not a new thing. I'd say it's been happening gradually over the last 2 years or so. Of course I understand everyone has their own daily life to contend with, but it just stings a little to see people out enjoying themselves, and the invitations frequently seem to miss me 😕

I feel exactly the same. Have given up on instigating plans with friends as they just cancel or don't message back to confirm. I do have several colleagues who are experiencing the same thing with their friends.

I understand how you feel, I've been there myself. But I agree with PPs that I genuinely think people are just so busy these days especially if they've got children

Just to add for context, one or 2 friends/family have children but as there are mix of ages some are all grown up by now. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself I suppose, and a bit left out. Thanks for all your replies so far x

Shit isn't it 😕

I feel like this too OP. My friends call me the social secretary because I organise everything. If I don't do it I don't see anyone...

Here’s the thing, I know you very much feel this way but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. I don’t mean you’re lying, I mean that the people in your life are unlikely to all be thinking negatively of you and are trying to cut you off.

It more likely that they are being a bit thoughtless but are very busy. Show them that your thinking of them, so that they will show more care in thinking about you and include you

Yes that can sting a bit. It’s worse now there’s social media. Back in the day you didn’t necessarily know what other people were doing now you see evidence of it everywhere, left wondering why you’ve been left out of WhatsApp groups ect.

Thing is you say if you didn’t organise things then you’d be left out but o think that’s true of everyone. Irrespective of whether they invite you or not your friends/family are almost certainly organising things.
I don’t believe anyone who has a full social calander only ever goes to social events their invited too iyswim

This nickname made me laugh 😃 thank you. And yes totally get what you mean

Thank you. I knew exactly what you meant, sometimes I do get into my own head and start convincing myself I'm Public enemy number 1! I will continue to make the effort, thank you

I'm the organiser among my friends. If I don't plan something, things don't happen, but then I do genuinely like hosting so I don't mind it so much. But I completely get it at the same time- a wee text once in a while is nice, or an invitation to go and do something.

Yes exactly this. Lately seems my events garner little interest, or they do at first then the drop outs begin, but then others are attended in full swing, and as I mentioned some of which my invite seems to have been lost in the post. Just hurts a little.

I think there are several possible situations here. From my friendship group:

Some people are broke. With the cost of living, they can’t afford one hour of parking and a coffee out, let alone dinner or a night out. If you have them over for a bbq, they can’t afford to bring a bottle.

Some people are tired. Key workers have found work relentless since covid and are just about managing to do the essentials outside of work - feed themselves and kids, walk the dog, etc etc. Some have long covid. If you’re of a certain age, the impact of sleepless nights from young children, or menopause, are taking their toll. It all saps energy.

Some people are introverted and find socialising more of a struggle these days, even though they like you and enjoy your company
1:1.

It’s hard. I guess we have to try not to take things personally.

‘I see people out enjoying themselves, and the invitations frequently seem to miss me.’

And I can relate to this, too. They have busy lives but then they pop up on Facebook with other friends, doing fun things.

I was at an event last night and a lady I hadn’t seen for ages came over to say hello. I no sooner got two words out of my mouth and she said “oh there’s some one over there I really do want to talk to” and walked over to them leaving me standing with my mouth open!

It just sums up exactly how I feel I’ve been being treated over the last few years. Almost invisible. And must definitely bottom of the rung

It’s been playing on my mind a bit today so I’m so sorry if this is how you’re feeling too. It’s shit isn’t it

I had loads of friends and a great social life until I got married and had kids. Since my divorce, I rarely go out and socialise- my focus has been on my kids (50/50 custody) and my job. My friends now live all over the country and I moved to a new town (where I could actually afford a mortgage) where I haven’t actually met any new people apart from the neighbours- who are lovely. It does get lonely, but meeting new people is hard. I need to get out there- but being over 50 and doing that now- how?

I feel like many of the people around me have a small handful special friendships that they actively nurture, often with siblings, and that people beyond those are surplus to requirements .. take it or leave it. If something suits them they do it if not they don’t.

I’m not in those groups, so I’m surplus to requirements.

Tbh I think I now make things worse for myself as I expect to be treated that way so I keep my guards up and don’t open up as much, making it harder to then get close to new people.

I have noticed it’s got worse since I put on weight too.

But everyone feels like this. And it’s kinda true. If we stopped making the effort no one would see anyone.
So you gotta keep making the effort. It’s that simple.
I am really bad for making and effort. I see people but not so much as I’m rubbish and my dear friends are equally rubbish (luckily no one thinks that means we don’t like each other).

I totally agree with this. Social media is a great thing but it also enables the 'can't be arsed' among us to be even lazier. Clicking like on someone's post is not keeping in touch.

I think it could be a combination of things. Someone upthread mentioned people are broke. People are tired - I know since covid, pretty much everyone I know has got into the habit of staying home more. And most of us are exhausted after work … I am thinking of canceling the one social thing I’ve planned this week, and it’s not out of any dislike for the people involved. I am just wiped out.

Hope it gets better, OP, and mainly - do know it isn’t you.

Yep feel exactly like this. So sick of always being the one arranging things. I'm about done tbh.

Earlier today I made the decision to call time on my relationship with my siblings. None of them bother to reply to my messages 90% of the time. They have organised a weeks holiday together next year and not invited me. I then attempt to organise a weekend and 'it will be too stressful all together' apparently. I'm literally the only one not going on the week away 🤷🏻‍♀️
So I'm done. If they don't want to spend time with me I won't force my presence on them.

Friends ditto. I just can't be bothered anymore! Very few have kept in touch. I had cancer two years ago and next to nobody has bothered to see how I'm doing.

Tbh if it wasn't for my dogs I don't think I'd keep going.

Yeah people I've been mates with for years. One asked everyone but me to be bridesmaid and one arranged a secret christening for her kids and invited everyone but me. Cheeky cow even sent me a pic after event. She'd obviously planned it all in secret. I just can't be arsed anymore. My child has a lot of friends and their parents are nice so I talk to them when we meet but that's about it.