Page 5 | Meeting new baby

Pixelpioneer · 2024-07-28T21:55:56+00:00

If a close friend/relative had a baby, you asked when is good to visit & they replied they’d let you know - how much time would you allow to pass before you asked again? Or would you wait to be asked no matter how long? YABU - wait YANBU - ask again

MumChp · 30/07/2024 11:02

Calphurnia6 · 30/07/2024 10:58

If you consider it unacceptable that YOUR CHILD sends a 'stroppy' message about 'visiting' your home when they haven't seen you or met a new family member for a month I pity your own children.

Because there is no need to send a stroppy message telling Dad when she is coming. Unless her intention is to cause a fallout, which it will.

OP has implied that she has only messaged her dad once regarding a visit. So there's no harm in her now reminding him that she would love to meet the baby and are they free this week/weekend for a visit.

It doesn't need to be a drama!

It's a drama. Made by the parents. I would be so devastated not to meet a sibling for a month. If the child and mother are well, it is difficult to see that there is not an hour for a visit.

PassingStranger · 30/07/2024 11:03

Why should you chase.
Don't bother, get on with your life.
Baby's loss too if it dosent get to know you.

Ginnnny · 30/07/2024 11:07

Don’t ask again.

Calphurnia6 · 30/07/2024 12:54

Pixelpioneer · 30/07/2024 10:47

Just to confirm I have messaged multiple times, but I haven’t asked about visiting each time. It was made clear I’d be advised when to visit so it isn’t just not having made an effort. I did not expect it to be this long however I don’t want to beg.

Seriously OP, just ask. If you've only mentioned it once then you're not begging, you're just reminding them of a previous conversation you had.

Please ignore the advice re confrontation. If your main objective is meeting the baby confrontation will get you nowhere. If there is a pattern of exclusionary behaviour, then do pick this up with your dad at an opportune moment, but if you go in all guns blazing (telling them when you are coming over, etc) it will create a hostile environment.

I assume given you have a family of your own that there is a considerable age gap to the new baby. I don't have any siblings, but there are half siblings (with a significant age gap) in my family and this does fundamentally change the dynamic. If you are interested in being more active in your half siblings life, then you should also mention this to your dad. He may assume that as an adult you don't.

Good luck ❤️

ABirdsEyeView · 30/07/2024 14:00

This unfortunately sounds like the common situation where a man is happy to throw his first set of kids under the bus, to appease a new wife who wants to forget he ever had a life before she came along!

They haven't forgotten. No parent forgets to invite their kids around to meet a new sibling. And mum is certainly up to having visitors, if her own extended family have been round! She just doesn't care whether you meet the baby and
sadly, your dad is too weak and is allowing her to sideline you - I would stop making the effort.

Gogogo12345 · 30/07/2024 16:34

FuzzyStripes · 29/07/2024 11:14

Oh goodness, definitely wait. I thought you were going to say it was over six months and they were out socialising with everyone else they’ve ever met.

You either have never had a baby or else you had a different start to parenthood to many. A month is nothing.

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Wow wait 6 months? My DD1 had been in nursery half her life by then never mind meeting a relative. What kind of universe do you live in

Runnerinthenight · 30/07/2024 16:38

Calphurnia6 · 29/07/2024 13:59

Where did OP say distant family members had met the baby?

She said she believed that close family (aunts and uncles) had. So presumably either the mums or dad's siblings, or both.

For the third time. IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH. That is NOTHING in the context of a newborn baby. I could barely tell you what was happening in the next few hours when my baby was that age, and if someone was sending me stroppy messages telling me when they were going to visit I would have told them where to go!

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A MONTH is a long time when the baby is a sibling!!!

Runnerinthenight · 30/07/2024 16:40

FuzzyStripes · 29/07/2024 11:14

Oh goodness, definitely wait. I thought you were going to say it was over six months and they were out socialising with everyone else they’ve ever met.

You either have never had a baby or else you had a different start to parenthood to many. A month is nothing.

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That's a load of rubbish, and yes, I have had three children! A month is ridiculous when the baby is a sibling. Parents are ridiculously precious and in this case, utterly selfish!

blackcherryconserve · 30/07/2024 16:42

I wait. This is grandchild no 3 and I've told DD I will be led by her as to when to visit. We'd agreed on today but I postponed due to the heat (almost 32 c currently in London) especially as DD lives 2 1/2 hours away on the train!

Calphurnia6 · 30/07/2024 16:49

Runnerinthenight · 30/07/2024 16:38

A MONTH is a long time when the baby is a sibling!!!

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Yes, an adult half-sibling, which - like it or not - fundamentally changes the dynamic because let's face it, they're hardly going to be going on trips to the zoo together.

Redmat · 30/07/2024 16:55

I think your father ( and his wife) are behaving appallingly. There are no excuses in the world that mean you should not have been one of the very first people to see a new sibling.
What are they thinking .
( Sadly the wifes thoughts probably are" if I don't see her I can pretend she doesn't exist")

GreyCarpet · 30/07/2024 18:17

Redmat · 30/07/2024 16:55

I think your father ( and his wife) are behaving appallingly. There are no excuses in the world that mean you should not have been one of the very first people to see a new sibling.
What are they thinking .
( Sadly the wifes thoughts probably are" if I don't see her I can pretend she doesn't exist")

Sadly, I suspect there is truth in this.

GreyCarpet · 30/07/2024 18:21

Runnerinthenight · 30/07/2024 16:40

That's a load of rubbish, and yes, I have had three children! A month is ridiculous when the baby is a sibling. Parents are ridiculously precious and in this case, utterly selfish!

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I agree. My daughter was 5.5 was premature and in SCBU for a fortnight. Within the first week that she was put of hospital, every local family member had been to visit along with several of the neighbours and my landlord at the time who turned up unannounced with cards and presents.

It was absolutely fine.

If mum's side of the family can visit, so can dad's.

Tandora · 30/07/2024 18:27

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/07/2024 03:19

I would message or call your parent. Ask how they all are and suggest a day you would like to visit (but emphasise that you are flexible). Be prepared to cook or clean or do laundry and don't stay too long. If they put you off try to arrange a date in a couple of weeks.

😂😂😂😂😂

Noonooo · 31/07/2024 14:52

Pixelpioneer · 30/07/2024 10:43

Not the baby aunts and uncles, the mothers. So baby’s great aunts and uncles. Poorly worded on my part, they definitely have met baby.

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Just ask if you can come round on Saturday or Sunday this week. If your dad says no, ask why baby's sister can't visit, but great aunts and uncles can. You have to be upfront.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/07/2024 15:10

Just go and knock

SpicyKitty · 31/07/2024 20:13

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