Meeting new baby

[Pixelpioneer]

If a close friend/relative had a baby, you asked when is good to visit & they replied they’d let you know - how much time would you allow to pass before you asked again? Or would you wait to be asked no matter how long?

YABU - wait
YANBU - ask again

This is one hell of a drip feed. We'd all have answered very differently had you been open with the fact that this is your sibling and a parent not letting you meet them for a month.

A month without meeting a sibling is strange, and dare I say, hurtful.

I think I'd be honest with your shared parent (I'm assuming it's your Dad). "Dad, baby is my sibling and they are nearly a month old. Why haven't I been given the opportunity to meet them yet? What's going on? Is there anything I can do to make this possible? Is stepmum/girlfriend having a hard time? Can I offer support? I'd really like to meet my brother/sister and am feeling a bit frozen out."

I didn’t suppose it would make any difference the child being my sibling than if the child was my grandchild. And I’ve often saw threads on here suggesting grandparents should take a step back at the beginning.

I agree best bringing it back up with the shared parent. Just unsure when to do so.

Do it tomorrow, just say ‘would it be possible to visit and meet my brother/sister soon?’

Sibling is not the same as grandparent.

On here you see all sorts of nonsense about grandparents not meeting babies for 6 weeks.
In reality, if they live nearby it's likely to be within 48 hours. I'd expect the same for non-resident but local siblings. Nieces and nephews, anything from 48 hours to two weeks before meeting, again if local.

With friends it's different. My closest friends it was usually 2.5/3 weeks but I've also met best friends babies within the first 5 days but THEY invited me. I always waited to be invited. Other friends maybe 6/8 weeks is also normal. Acquaintances or work colleagues 3 months. But you aren't a friend, you're immediate family and should have had the opportunity to meet earlier than this IMO.

That’s what brought me on here to ask. I’ve never known anyone IRL to wait weeks to meet immediate family or very close friends new babies. I had visitors at the hospital after birth and at home very soon after. As had most people I know. Made me wonder if my family and friends (well majority of them) were all just relaxed about that type of thing and it being normal to wait a good while.

This is mumsnet.

Nobody is allowed to visit (or horror of horrors kiss) the new child for several weeks or months,including the husband's family.

Really sad.

Meanwhile back in the real world close family and friends are three from the off.

Do you have a close relationship with the new mum? She may be recovering from a traumatic birth or struggling with feeding or PND. If it's your dad whose the shared parent with the baby, I'd just message and say how much you're looking forward to meeting your new baby sister/brother and ask if you could pop in soon?

It’s not ‘nonsense’, it’s just how some people do things that you don’t personally find palatable.

I didn’t see anyone other than the HV and GP for three weeks after I had DS because I was feeling rotten, my milk never came in, and I didn’t want to. No one exploded with impatience. It’s not like a newborn goes ‘stale’ over a three-week period.

Dont send flowers, I got so many after birth it stressed me out with more clutter in the house with all the new baby gear and every surface taken up with flowers.

send something useful like nappies, wipes etc and a card!

This is so rude. Your dad should know better, playing happy families with his new woman and excluding his first child from the process.

Wait to be invited. We didn’t want anyone for at least a month.

I’d wait, give it a few weeks (or however often you’d usually message) then message asking how they are both getting on, if they need anything etc.

I found recovering from a section and looking after the baby was the easy bit, I got so stressed out about people coming round. It was so much easier when I could have no makeup on in my old clothes, just focusing on feeding, changing etc but I have this inbuilt thing where I just COULDN’T have people round with the house a mess. So anytime people were coming I’d literally hobble round cleaning first. I was crouched down cleaning my glass doors before my in-laws came when I looked at myself and thought what are you doing?! If the people coming over don’t usually help you with stuff or come when your house isn’t sitting perfectly then I’d say they should wait until a time when you can focus on washings, tidying etc again.

When my friend had a baby recently me and another friend said to her that we’d meet her out somewhere for coffee when she was ready to go out. It took away any pressure to have the house presentable!

I accept I’m in the minority but I just told people they could come whenever - just text and check or arrange a time.

My PIL were at the hospital as soon as I could have visitors and I had other visitors - sisters, step dad, aunts on both side, DH best friend.

If my baby had a sibling I’d have expected them to be visiting at the hospital.

@SpicyKitty the baby is the Ops sibling. Not a sibling who's had a baby.

I would send the message proposed by a PP just being upfront but supportive.

How is your relationship normally with the step parent?

A month is nothing.

Don't ask again, it will put pressure on her.

This completely

I would message or call your parent. Ask how they all are and suggest a day you would like to visit (but emphasise that you are flexible). Be prepared to cook or clean or do laundry and don't stay too long. If they put you off try to arrange a date in a couple of weeks.

As others have said, the whole baby bubble thing may be a thing on here but I've never come across it in real life.

I think it's actually more likely that they're wondering why you haven't been over to see them yet, than that they're keeping you away.

If it was a friend or extended family member, I’d say wait. But seeing as the baby is your sibling, I think you’ve been very thoughtful to wait a month already.

Contact your parent (I know everyone is assuming it’s your dad but you haven’t specified and mums do sometimes have babies years apart) and suggest a time you’re available to pop by, meet sibling and help with anything they might need. Something like, “Hi Mum/Dad, I hope everything is going well with babyname! I’m available on Saturday to stop by and meet him/her - what time would be best? Let me know if you’d like me to bring anything from the supermarket/bring some food/bring my rubber gloves to help with any household jobs!”

They’re probably not intentionally keeping you out, just in a baby haze and not really thinking beyond that.

If it's your sibling then I'd just go round. I'm guessing your share a dad. It's the norm to see your siblings/grandchildren/niece within a few days of leaving the hospital and you've already waited a month.

Was also baffled by people suggesting flowers!

Unless you are the result of donor sperm, then you should contact your father.
State that you're excited to meet your new sibling and ask what you could do or bring that would be helpful for the new Mum and also give him days/dates that suit you to visit.
Be prepared to bring a casserole, fried rice etc and ready to fold laundry. Behave like close family if you are accepted as close family.
Also be prepared to be told to wait longer (and why).

Our families have always been at home waiting for us to arrive with the new baby.

With my fourth, we had to stay in hospital for over a week because she we were both poorly when she was born, everyone checked first but visited us in the hospital.

I voted yabu before I realised it was your sibling. In your situation I'd be very upset having to wait a month to visit your newest family member.

I’m afraid I agree. And when they have ostracised op from her sibling and she can no longer be bothered, she’ll be the heartless one. Ugh, people.