Meeting new baby

[Pixelpioneer]

If a close friend/relative had a baby, you asked when is good to visit & they replied they’d let you know - how much time would you allow to pass before you asked again? Or would you wait to be asked no matter how long?

YABU - wait
YANBU - ask again

Sorry yes - good point!

Yeah sorry I didn't think that before I posted. But you're right. The OP read like it was just a friend or something, not her Dad's new baby!

Is this the step mum's first child? If so, even with the previous relationship, I'd give her a break.

I have stepped back a little from my in laws since having a baby for no other reason that I have a lot less time on my hands and I have my own friends and family to keep up with. My husband can deal with them.

If the full extent of your communication has been congratulations and asking to visit once, without any check in without an agenda since, then it's not all on them.

And I say this as a person with a baby who now realises that I wasn't great at checking in with my mum friends around birth because I simply didn't know what they were experiencing.

A baby's close family are her parents, siblings and grandparents. It's not nice that great aunties and uncles have met the baby, but you (the sister of the baby) hasn't been invited. Text your dad now: 'Please can I see my sibling this Saturday or Sunday? I've already waited a month and I know other family members have been invited round already. I'm very excited to meet my baby sibling.'

Oh goodness, definitely wait. I thought you were going to say it was over six months and they were out socialising with everyone else they’ve ever met.

You either have never had a baby or else you had a different start to parenthood to many. A month is nothing.

I really wouldn't advise wording it this, it sounds really pushy.

How about something along lines of:

"Hi Dad, have I done something to upset you or X? Y is my sister/brother and I haven't been allowed to meet her/him yet when I know extended family members on her side have. Honestly I've been feeling really upset and pushed out about it but haven't known how to approach it with you. Can we please set up a time to meet Y or can you explain why you don't want me to meet him/her?"

Seriously, all OP needs to text is "Hi dad, hope you guys are getting on well! I'd love to come meet little X, let me know when suits. I'm free this Saturday afternoon or Tuesday evening, but sure let me know what works for you guys."

Be prepared to fold laundry and take food over to a house where you have to check if it's OK to see your new baby sibling?? Yeah OK... no thanks!! Unless you're the result of sperm donation of course 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Exactly. A month after I had had my baby I still felt as though I had had him yesterday and was up to my eyes in expressing and feeding, sleeping when he slept I didn't show a lot of this, there was nothing actually wrong with me; I went out to local shops with pram and all that as necessary, smiled, but did not want visitors apart from grandparents. Often visitors to new babies sit down, expect to be catered for and stay for ages, if more than one they sometimes talk to each other and virtually ignore mother and baby. It's a pain!

If your dad is in a relationship still with the mum then I'd thought withtin the first week

I don't think it is unreasonable. Some people just turn up and expect to stay a while doing nothing when mum would prefer to be asleep. Visitors to new baby should be prepared to help out. Maybe the great aunts and uncles just turned up and wore the mother out, who knows?

It is important for her to meet her sibling though and it will happen.

Do. Not. Do. This.

They have a new baby. It's only been a month. OP has only messaged once.

Just say: Hi Dad. Hope all is well with you, <insert stepmum name> and <insert baby name>. Just checking in again to see if you're happy for me to pop by for a visit? Would be lovely to see you all x'

Exactly. I still think there's a chance the new parents forgot they said they'd be in touch and they're wondering why on earth OP has vanished and not come to meet her new sibling.

I don't think it's unreasonable for OP to convey she's upset to her own dad that she hasn't been invited over.

It's also not unreasonable for op to expect to see their sibling without having to beg.. if you want someone to act like family treat them as such which is the point I was making but it seems lost on you because in no way was I saying someone shouldn't help out.

I think it's precious to not allow people to visit for a month. Obviously if there are health issues it's different but as long as people don't overstay it's not that hard to have visitors over. I don't know anyone in real life who wouldn't allow it but it seems common on Mumsnet. A sibling not even having a short visit is crazy to me.

Again. They have a new baby. It's been a month. OP has only messaged once.

If, when OP checks back in, her dad puts her off again then she would have good reason to be upset and should say so, but it would an huge overreaction based on what OP has told us so far to confront him right now.

I think it's really shitty that distant family members have met the baby but OP, the sibling, hasn't been invited over yet. Other than the baby's parents, OP is the closest family member. I think OP needs to pick a day and ask her dad if that's fine. You don't get anywhere by being a doormat.

Edited to add that I recently had a baby and the first month did not fly by. Immediate family members met my baby within a few days of me leaving the hospital and my parents met my baby in hospital. I really preferred it when people asked if I was free on x day so I could prepare for their short visit. There's literally no excuse for this man not to invite his older child to meet his new baby.

Where did OP say distant family members had met the baby?

She said she believed that close family (aunts and uncles) had. So presumably either the mums or dad's siblings, or both.

For the third time. IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH. That is NOTHING in the context of a newborn baby. I could barely tell you what was happening in the next few hours when my baby was that age, and if someone was sending me stroppy messages telling me when they were going to visit I would have told them where to go!

Exactly, it's been a month. A whole month. OP hasn't met her new sibling for a month. Hasn't seen or heard from her dad in that time either.

I'm pretty sure most parents don't manage to forget their other children for a month when a new one arrives. You'd think at a bloody minimum her dad would see his wife's aunt holding baby and think he's not seen his own daughter holding her sibling.

If you consider it unacceptable that YOUR CHILD sends a 'stroppy' message about 'visiting' your home when they haven't seen you or met a new family member for a month I pity your own children.

Not the baby aunts and uncles, the mothers. So baby’s great aunts and uncles. Poorly worded on my part, they definitely have met baby.

Just to confirm I have messaged multiple times, but I haven’t asked about visiting each time. It was made clear I’d be advised when to visit so it isn’t just not having made an effort. I did not expect it to be this long however I don’t want to beg.

I would go round and say hello

He's your dad as well as new baby brother /sister

I just find it really sad that your dad and step mum has made no effort for you to meet baby

If you consider it unacceptable that YOUR CHILD sends a 'stroppy' message about 'visiting' your home when they haven't seen you or met a new family member for a month I pity your own children.

Because there is no need to send a stroppy message telling Dad when she is coming. Unless her intention is to cause a fallout, which it will.

OP has implied that she has only messaged her dad once regarding a visit. So there's no harm in her now reminding him that she would love to meet the baby and are they free this week/weekend for a visit.

It doesn't need to be a drama!