would this offend you?

[Bickie0]

Met a new mum friend at baby club a while ago. I am 28 and she is 38. She asked me if I was the same age as her. I don't know why she thought it but now I feel very offended. Would you?

No, she might’ve assumed you seemed mature. Most mums are in their 30s now

It’s just because you’re at the same life stage. If people have kids younger than mine I think THEYRE younger. I have parent friends that are 10 years older but I always think we are the same age as we have kids the same age. Don’t worry about and don’t be offended.

No, why would you be offended? She was asking your age, not saying ‘oh you look really old like me!’

No it wouldn't.

I'd either assume I look a similar age, or that she's as rubbish at guessing ages as I am.

Also, as you get older you kind of forget that your friends/acquaintances aren't really the same age as you. You just don't really think about it.

If you're offended by that, you must think she looks old. Which she could argue is offensive.

Why is it offensive to look 38? It’s hardly like you’re going to look like the witch offering the apple in Disney’s Snow White. Jeez the ageism gets worse here every day…🙄

She could look a few years younger and you could look a few years older? It's really not something to be offended about. She obviously didn't know how old you were. She's not the same age as you're grandma.

Absolutely nothing wrong with looking 38. She is a very attractive. I just thought I must look 10 years older than I actually am

Nothing wrong with looking 38 and she’s very attractive…. so what’s there to be offended about?

I was in a post natal group where I was 37 and the others between 28-30 and they frequently told me that they forgot I was older than them. I think it is very much a life stage thing rather than an age/how old you look thing.

On another occasion I was at an event where someone mentioned my school and I said I went there too. She said I was probably there well after her and then when we said our maiden names we looked at each other and realised we were in the same yesr group and same classes for aome subjects. So she worked on the basis she looked older than me rather than me thinking it.

I get you @Bickie0 And the OP didn't say it was offensive to look 38 as someone said! - 🙄

But someone implying/inferring you are the same age as them, when they're ten years older than you is obviously going to make you wonder if you look older.

I am mid 50s, and met a woman at a hobby group about a year ago. During a conversation, she spoke about people 'around our age,' and she was 70! I thought 'whaaaaa?' She never thinks I am 70.' 😬 It is NOT ageist to not want to look older than you are FFS.

My SIL laughed and said I don't look a day past mid 50s. As a pp said, people often think of themselves as younger than they are, rather than thinking YOU are older @Bickie0

Reminds me of something someone put on Facebook the other day, about the quirks of ageing. One of them was 'you notice everyone your age is much older than you.' 😆

No. She asked, she didn't assume. Just answer with your age if you're comfortable admitting it, or fudge, or be vague, or tell her you're not comfortable disclosing.

And the OP didn't say it was offensive to look 38 as someone said!

Shes literally asking if she should be offended that someone might have thought she looked 38.

I find most women between about 25-40 usually look pretty age indeterminate. Nothing particularly major happens to your looks in that time which easily designates you as any particular age.

And you might do for all we know 🤷‍♂️

Only you know if this is the first time anyone's said anything like this.

If it is, then you obviously don't look 10 years older to most people and if it isn't, then you obviously do.

So she didn't say she was offended then. She basically asked if she should be/if others would be.

And don't tell me most of the posters on MN would not be offended. Most posters are always SO desperate for people to think they look 15 years younger.

Stop trying to make something out of nothing. The OP is not saying it's bad to look 38, she just doesn't like to think people may think she looks 10 years older.

NO-ONE would want that. And don't try to deny it! As I said, the baby-faces on MN wouldn't stand for being thought of as looking 10 years older! 😂

Id be so offended Id never talk to her again. Its an insult.

You are being deliberately obtuse. You also look stupid because she said ‘I feel very offended’.

You’ve edited that post quite a bit. But still haven’t read the OP

Oh I see it's @MissingKitty !!! Go and annoy someone else. I'm ignoring you now ... Literally CBA with you, and your insults and goading.

No, I wouldn’t be offended. I wouldn’t be impressed to be called a mum friend though. Surely you are either a friend or not?!

How exactly did the conversation go?

Did she say. "I'm 38, are you the same age? "

Thats a bit of a strange thing to say isn't it? In fact asking anyone if they are the same age as you is odd imo, but personally I have no ability to tell anyone's age and dont know exactly how old some of my friends are never mind acquaintances

Im amazed when people guess someones age to a year, I'd struggle with a decade 😁

Of course you are, you just made yourself look daft 😂

Dh had to be kindly explained to, by the junior associates in work that "our age" wasn't a thing. There was his age and their age. And about 15 years in between. He still thinks he's in his mid 20's.

I also had a full disagreement with someone, about what year a third party graduated school. And it took about 5 mins for me to cop that the confusion arose because I assumed - in fact so completely believed - that she and I were the same age that it didn't even dawn on me that I had made that up in my head.

Yeah I guess asking someone's age isn't something people do too often, but it does come up occasionally.