would this offend you?

[Bickie0]

Met a new mum friend at baby club a while ago. I am 28 and she is 38. She asked me if I was the same age as her. I don't know why she thought it but now I feel very offended. Would you?

I probably would have felt offended at 28 as 38 seemed so much older, but when you actually get to 38 you don't feel any different!

I physically didn't age much between 28 and 38, I look almost identical in pictures apart from weight changes. Between 38-40
I aged about 15 years!!!

Age is a funny one. It can be really hard to detect. At 25 I was getting asked if my parents were at home, at 30 a 60 year old nudged me and said "us women of a certain age", one of my best friends thought I was 28 (younger that her) when I was 36 and then at 38 tried to throw me a surprise 40th. People are weird. We all age differently. Just try to take it with a pinch of salt.

Yeah, like I said in my post earlier. It's not so much that people think you are older. It's that they think THEY are YOUNGER.

Like that internet thing I saw about the quirks of ageing. As I said, one of them was 'you notice everyone your age is much older than you!' Totally relatable. I am in my mid 50s, and feel like about 38-40. I see people my age as a bit old (and I feel much younger than mid 50s). But in reality, others see me as what I am - a woman 3 or 4 years off 60. 😆

This 100%

I think it is pretty usual to assume if someone is at the same life-stage as you that they are broadly the same age as you.

Wait till you're my age, I've got no fricking idea what age anybody else is!
OH gets ratty as I describe loads of people as 'about my age' - this currently ranges from mid 30s to early 60s. He swears I've got age-blind as I've got older and only notice if someone is significantly older/younger her than me. I can't say he's wrong 🤦🏼‍♀️

No. I've always looked older - I was the 15 year old sent to the offy for the cheapest booze

As a 37 year old, I'll tell you why. We are at this confusing time where we feel young but our bodies tell us we aren't. People anywhere between 25-45 look and act the same way as us. Possibly because of our failing eyesight but probably because mentally we are still 25 but with back pain and more money.

I remember being about 21 and a lady of late 30s referred to herself as a girl. I visibly huffed as she was 100% a lady at that age. Yet, I now refer to myself as a girl.

Alternatively, you're going through the same life journey at the same time. It's not unreasonable to assume you're the same age.

😮😆I don't feel so bad now, about the 70 year old lady describing me as 'our age.' when talking to me! 😂

Yes we were just chatting and then got onto the topic that it's her birthday in October. Then she just asked 'are you the same age as me?' Then I told her I was 28 and she seemed a bit shocked and said oh wow you're ten years younger than me then and then she said she wishes she could be my age again. I just wondered if I look much older than I am that's all

Exactly. ^

Thing is, it's not just at 37. As I said, I am in my mid 50s, and still think of people of around 40 as in my age group. (I really don't think they think of me as in 'their age group' though. It's really odd.)

And the 70 year old lady I spoke to clearly thought of mid-50s me, as 'her age group.' But to me she seemed 'older' like I seem 'older' to someone of 40.

Nah @Bickie0 I really think that she thinks of herself as younger, not YOU as older.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou

i have a friend who has just had her 70th and she has a friend who has just had her 80th, I'm 55..

they'll often include me in 'at our age' comments. I try not to take it too hard🤣🤣

on the other hand many years ago now, a bloke asked me if my friend (12 years older) asked me if my Mum wanted a drink. My friend was not happy 😳

As per my user name, I'm a nanny, about 10 years ago I had a parent asking me if I was the child's paid nanny or grandmother as her daughter wasn't sure. (Being a grandparent young isn't the norm around here).

I think it’s okay feel taken aback when someone assumes you’re older than you are.

I’m 30, and recently I’ve been told I look 23 by someone and then mid 40’s by someone else 😂

Lol I'm nearly 38 and recently I've realised I think people who are in the same life stage (like people on same level as me at work, people with kids the same age as mine) are all the same age as me! They're usually at least 5 years younger! I feel like I've honestly developed age blindness.

I think it must be my fantasy that I'm still young and fresh when in reality I'm closer to middle age. I think your mum friend is suffering from the same delusion 😅😂 nothing to do with you looking old, I promise!

**

i have a friend who has just had her 70th and she has a friend who has just had her 80th, I'm 55..

they'll often include me in 'at our age' comments. I try not to take it too hard🤣🤣

Yeah I used to take it a bit hard, until I realised that I do the same with people 15-20 years younger! 😆

I think it’s okay feel taken aback when someone assumes you’re older than you are.

Yes of course it is.

I’m 30, and recently I’ve been told I look 23 by someone and then mid 40’s by someone else 😂

Just goes to show that some people can't tell ages! 😆

I guess I wouldn't have phrased it like that if I were her! It's a bit presumptuous.
She was just curious about the age difference though. It had nothing to do with appearance or perception of looks based on age.

For some reason I can quite accurately estimate the age of people older than me, but i haven't got a clue when people are younger! I couldn't tell if someone is in their 20s or 30s! So I don't think it's offensive

I don't think it's any of the things said so far.

I think it's a "her" thing.
Especially if she's a FTM.

I think she's probably worried she's an older mum, and desperately looking for someone of a similar age to make her feel more comfortable in her own skin.

I was 31 when I has DD, and was worried I'd be the oldest mum on the playground when she went to school.
Was thrilled to spot I wasn't.
Until it clicked that the mums my age either had older kids or were on 2nd marriages

It just took us a while to reproduce!

No because I also am terrible at guessing ages and just assume everyone is round about my age unless they are obviously a child or obviously geriatric!
It's probably not got much to do with your appearance and just that you were there doing the same thing as her.. it's getting rarer for women in their 20s to have babies now! I had my son at 28 and felt like a teen mum in all the baby groups I went to.. was the only one under 30!! And majority were over 35

Maybe she has this forever young complex? I convince myself I look younger than I am. I don’t.

At 28 you are never going to look like someone nearing 40. She’s just a little delusional about herself.

Because she's 28! It's not the number it's the fact that someone might think she looks 10 years older! Who would like that?

Her surprise could have been because she finds you relatable. And maybe you come across as a bit more mature and together compared to other people she knows in their 20’s. Or maybe you are more mature and together than she was at your age.

So, you could see it as a compliment.

Also, I don’t think we age much (in terms of looks) from 28 - 38. Don’t worry about looking 10 years older now. For me it was after 40’s when the visible signs of aging really showed itself and sped up.

As others have mentioned I think it's easy to assume when you're experiencing a big life event like having a baby everyone else is in a similar position or age. I have an older child but also a toddler. When I was on mat leave last year at a baby group the leader went round everyone to get us to introduce ourselves. The lady next to me said "it's actually my 22nd birthday tomorrow, I feel so old!" The lady on her other side snapped "well I'm 42!" I think people just forget or are awkwardly trying to break the ice or get conversation going. Probably knackered as well. I'm 38 and I did find the comment a bit strange but no malice meant.