To give my child some money for (hopefully) passing school exams?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering what is reasonable to do to regarding recognising my son hopefully passing his school exams? He put a lot of effort in and I was thinking of giving X amount per exam result. He said a pal is getting £1000 per A which I think is mad but I've no idea what the norm is??

I'm curious to hear how other recognise and award their kids exam results day??

Surely that's a typo? £1000 for each A level he does well in? £1000???!!

I feel £100 would be more appropriate. £1000 for each A level is ludicrous!

My youngest is waiting on her results.
We have focused solely on effort. She has some learning disabilities so if she gets what she needs to do A levels we will all be beside ourselves with joy. If she doesn't, she will get the same reaction with a solid plan for next year.
It may motivate some teens and nowt wrong with that. But next year will be expensive regardless with bus fares and laptop and everything else.

My DS wailed and pleaded for a PS/X-box for the last two years. I resisted because I felt he would prioritise gaming over revising.

Since the beginning of the year he has studied diligently and really applied himself as he is hoping to do 4 A Levels. He found a study-buddy at school and together they created a study plan, made flashcards, supported, motivated and encouraged each other since about February.

The school suggested that parents send in a letter of support to their children, which the school gave out in the ‘Your Best’ sessions they held to support the students. Informal sessions with snacks, drinks, welfare support, revision opportunities etc. The idea was to encourage students to to do their best, not to compare with other students’ best, and that your best might be different on different days and different situations. The school also provided free cooked and continental breakfast and lunch for each day of the exams. I thought it was a lovely and thoughtful approach. The school has specifically discouraged parents from pay-per-result.

In my letter to DC I expressed my pride and being impressed with his commitment, maturity and diligence in his revision. I also reminded him to plan enough fun and down time into his schedule and that effort is more important than the outcome. I also asked my DC in the letter if he knows what the best PS might be - as I was ‘asking for a friend’. Of course he knew it was for him and he was notably more motivated. I arranged for a PS5 and timed its delivery for the day of his last exam. I have not seen him smile beam more than that day!

Reward effort every time; reward effort at the time. Rewarding effort when the results arrive is rewarding outcome NOT effort.

Good luck to all DC waiting for GCSE results!

Thanks all for the insights! We are in Scotland and it's his highers so a top grade is an A. Last year for Nat 5's he got £150 for the effort he put in and he did really well results wise, I didn't link it to 'grade'. It was only when he told me about the person at his school who has been promised £1k per A that I was like whaaaat??? And wasn't sure this was the done thing!

I'm all for not following what others do but I'm just genuinely curious how others recognise their child's efforts. He is also very motivated studying wise without the incentive of money which is why I haven't previously said £X per A etc.

PS he also got a football strip (£!) after his last exam and some money for a trip with pals so his efforts were rewarded at the point rather than waiting til results day

I have promised money and if all As he will get more I have called it performance related pay, certainly not £5000, I am hoping to be paying out £500 and his step father £300. I am in my 50s and I got cash reward back then and so did my friends

My dd tried telling me that everyone got money for exam results but I told her that the reward for good results was the greater choices and opportunities they would offer her afterwards.

She was initially pissed off because some of her friends were getting money but soon got over it.

I don't like rewarding grades because it puts less bright kids at a disadvantage and rubs salt into the wound if a bright kid messes up and doesn't get results they expected.

Alfie Kohn has also written extensively about the harms of rewards and about the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. I find that really interesting.

I supported dd by helping with revision whenever she asked, being very low demand about other things and cooking special breakfasts on exam days.

We ordered Domino's on results day - dd loves Domino's but we rarely get them so she asked for that as her reward.

I won’t be giving any money. DD expecting very high grades anyway. Rewarding my eldest for her grade level is only likely to negatively impact the self esteem of youngest when it comes to it - she already compares herself negatively and I’m not going to give her any ammunition to feel worse.

Instead we will go out for a celebratory family meal.

My son done his SATs recently and in year 3 he couldn’t read. In his SATs he got ‘Greater Depth Knowledge’ in reading, and was 1 and 2 points off the other two subjects for the same grade. I couldn’t have been more prouder at how hard he’s worked, and gave him £50, as did his Stepdad. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer.

edited to add that my son has saved £50 in his account and will be using the other £50 for little treats during the summer holidays.

Reward effort.

I would:

• offer a nice treat immediately after the exams, before results, if you feel DC has made a decent effort. This demonstrates pride in their hard work alone. A nice meal out or something a bit grown up
• offer incentives for achieving or beating predictions, especially if there are subjects they find harder. I won't be rewarding my DS for a 9 in maths because he finds it extremely easy and enjoyable - but a 6 or 7 in english will get a big reward because it'll have been earned with hard graft.

I agree with this!

Teach your kids to have a good work ethic for their own sake, not for financial transaction. Otherwise you're drawing them into a "why should I bother" mentality.

My parents took me out for a nice meal when I finished exams - we celebrated my effort and the fact that the exams were done rather than the grades I got.

As it happened, my elder sibling was very academically gifted and got top grades in everything, whereas I was less academic and got lower grades, and did better at extracurricular activities. My parents were equally proud of the effort rather than the grades, and we are both doing equally well in life. Had they given cash per grade I would have been penalised.

If you want to give your child cash, give it now to celebrate the end of their exams and the work they put in.

Passing exams should be an intrinsic thing, not done purely for reward. People don’t want to do well in order to get a cash sum, they want to do well because it shows they’ve worked hard for themselves! my DDs wanted to do well so they could proceed in their chosen paths in life. The only kids who got money for results were the ones who were just a bit lazy.

This is quite frankly ridiculous. Why not just take him out for a nice meal?

I celebrated their hard work and good attitude to their learning with a day out of their choice between exams and results day. I believe that monetary rewards don't drive the right behaviour for the right reasons, and where does it end? More for A Levels, new car for passing your degree? People should achieve something because it has an intrinsic reward and for the benefit it gives them.

If my DC had been too lazy to put the effort in and that had come through in their grades then they would have learnt a valuable life lesson.

Also, if you have DC of differing abilities how do you account for that? One DC could work ten times harder for a full set of 6's and another half-arse it and still get 9's. Who deserves the bigger reward?

I'm in my 30s and we certainly didn't get cash rewards. Maybe it's to do with social class.

When I was doing my Standard Grades in 2002 my dad said he'd give me £10 for each one I passed, which he considered to be a 3 or above, with an extra £100 if I passed them all. I got two 3s, five 2s and two 1s. Cost him £190, which I put towards a school trip.

What happened to the well done I'm proud of how hard you've worked.
Why does everything need a monetary reward?

@snakewillow I know of a person who was promised a brand new jeep if she got a first in her degree. She got the first, so presumably got the jeep. She already had a perfectly decent (newish) jeep. 😵‍💫

i totally agree with rewarding effort, not grades. In which case, if you think he's worked hard, then give him the reward now - then it makes it very clear you are not linking it to his results.

People do better longer term if they work for intrinsic rewards rather than extrinsic ones. Plus not all children are capable of top grades. One student's A might be equivalent to another's "C" in terms of progress and application.

We gave our son £1,000 when he achieved a first recently. Mostly because his grandmother did the same for our daughter but passed away before he received his results.
He wasn’t expecting it and was blown away 😊

I told my son that I would book him on the school ski trip for his first year at 6th form if he did well enough in his GCSEs to be allowed to stay on ( you needed mainly 7s 8s 9s to do that)

That was a good incentive for him as he loves ski holidays.

No, I prefer kids to see the value in working and trying hard for themselves. I won't add extra pressure

does he need motivating? And is he motivated by money?

I didn’t get cash, so far as I recall, but we didn’t have money anyway.

But I did recently incentivise DD1 in a test that she didn’t need to care about but had benefits for others. The promise of money gave her a reason to bother.

Of course, this situation is different since he actually will need the results.

I'm 66 and nobody I knew got cash rewards for exam results.

My parents paid for me to go on holiday to Greece (my first trip abroad) after A levels finished but it wasn't linked to the exams and I got home the day before results. When I finished my first degree and we got hime after the graduation ceremony, there was a small gift waiting for me in my bedroom.

I took mine to Portugal for a week instead, where he slept 14 hours a day and ate his own body weight in sea food pizza.

He looks a lot better for it 🙂