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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit pissed off with my 18 year old?

111 replies

JMSA · 27/07/2024 02:49

My daughters are supposed to be spending this weekend with their dad (every second weekend with him), but my 18 year old asked if she and two friends could sleep here tonight instead. They wanted to have drinks here while getting ready to go out, have their night out and then come back here to sleep. I'm closer to the city centre, so it's easier for them.
Not a problem, this is her home.
One of the friends has been to our place to stay loads of times. The other hadn't been here before and I wanted to make her feel welcome (as I tend to do with my girls' friends). So I took in a tray of drinks and nice snacks while they were getting ready, and left them to it.
While they were out, I entered the room to put some bedding on the trundle bed.
There's stuff everywhere! Bits of snacks that have been partially eaten and discarded, glasses empty or half filled with drinks, wrappers lying around, the wooden floor sticky with drink, etc.
I had a bit of a tidy up - I wouldn't normally do that but they wouldn't have been able to get into bed with everything lying around - especially if they're a bit pissed.
I don't know, it just feels like a pisstake. Yes, they were slightly merry before they left. But it would have taken them two minutes to jointly bring through their dishes and bin their rubbish. They're all leaving at around 10am tomorrow, as they have plans, so there's no way it was going to be done before they left.
It's not the first time I've had to have words with my daughter about this. I mean, if she doesn't respect her home (or me!) then she can hardly expect others to.
I feel like telling her not to have any more sleepovers here, on what is supposed to be my weekend off.
AIBU or am I being spectacularly uptight? It's true that I don't like mess Grin

OP posts:
Frenzi · 28/07/2024 19:55

My 22 year old went out on Tuesday and hasnt been home since. She had put some washing on before she went - it is currently festering damp and smelly in her laundry basket. She's an adult (as is your 18 year old). Let it stink.

she also has food festering in her room that I know about and am fuming. I have just shut the door so it stinks.

I swear young adult girls are worse than teenage boys. 'They are completely gross

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/07/2024 20:08

Getonwitit · 28/07/2024 19:09

Why is your 18 adult daughter still being shoved between her home and her fathers home every other weekend ? She isn't a child.

Because that's the point of the thread.

Loopytiles · 28/07/2024 20:12

I wouldn’t have put on the bedding, DD could do it, nor brought snacks or booze upstairs. Wouldn’t have tidied the stuff away & would be pissed off if DD didn’t sort it out by the next day.

laraitopbanana · 28/07/2024 20:16

I am not sure I understand, so her bedroom was trashed?
surely you can make her clean up before she goes away from yours?

if not…well, next time she wants to come over for a « before party », the answer is no.

RosaBaby2 · 28/07/2024 20:23

Sounds normal before a night out. I'm in my 30s and my friends and I make this mess if 'getting ready together'

RareFatball · 28/07/2024 20:32

Am I the only one who finds it a bit weird that mum expects an 18 yr old to still take turns visiting Dad at weekends.
Surely now she is an 18 yr old adult, she can decide to see her Dad whenever it's convenient for them both.

Ilovecleaning · 28/07/2024 21:59

I wouldn’t pussyfoot round them. I’d blast the three of them in the morning. 18 but still kids really.

Malahide · 28/07/2024 22:45

Ilovecleaning · 28/07/2024 21:59

I wouldn’t pussyfoot round them. I’d blast the three of them in the morning. 18 but still kids really.

You sound like an absolute joy.

Waterbaby41 · 29/07/2024 07:05

Her room, her mess. Just shut the door and leave her to it!! Just make a no drinks/food rule! And if they had to make room to get into bed when they came home that's their lookout!!

thursdaymurderclub · 29/07/2024 14:25

Your daughter is 18... a bit old for sleep overs don't you think.. why were you pandering getting them snacks.. tidying up... she's 18.

I have a 22 DD at home.. she doesn't have to ask if a friend can sleep over, I do expect a brief 'so and so is staying tonight'. And that's it.. it's her room, her mess, her problem

thursdaymurderclub · 29/07/2024 16:18

RareFatball · 28/07/2024 20:32

Am I the only one who finds it a bit weird that mum expects an 18 yr old to still take turns visiting Dad at weekends.
Surely now she is an 18 yr old adult, she can decide to see her Dad whenever it's convenient for them both.

Edited

my DD stopped going to their dads by 16 ish... not cos the didn't love him etc.. but they had lives

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