To be a bit pissed off with my 18 year old?

[JMSA]

My daughters are supposed to be spending this weekend with their dad (every second weekend with him), but my 18 year old asked if she and two friends could sleep here tonight instead. They wanted to have drinks here while getting ready to go out, have their night out and then come back here to sleep. I'm closer to the city centre, so it's easier for them.
Not a problem, this is her home.
One of the friends has been to our place to stay loads of times. The other hadn't been here before and I wanted to make her feel welcome (as I tend to do with my girls' friends). So I took in a tray of drinks and nice snacks while they were getting ready, and left them to it.
While they were out, I entered the room to put some bedding on the trundle bed.
There's stuff everywhere! Bits of snacks that have been partially eaten and discarded, glasses empty or half filled with drinks, wrappers lying around, the wooden floor sticky with drink, etc.
I had a bit of a tidy up - I wouldn't normally do that but they wouldn't have been able to get into bed with everything lying around - especially if they're a bit pissed.
I don't know, it just feels like a pisstake. Yes, they were slightly merry before they left. But it would have taken them two minutes to jointly bring through their dishes and bin their rubbish. They're all leaving at around 10am tomorrow, as they have plans, so there's no way it was going to be done before they left.
It's not the first time I've had to have words with my daughter about this. I mean, if she doesn't respect her home (or me!) then she can hardly expect others to.
I feel like telling her not to have any more sleepovers here, on what is supposed to be my weekend off.
AIBU or am I being spectacularly uptight? It's true that I don't like mess

I would say you were a bit ott if it wasn't for the sticky floor. They spilt their drinks? Which should have been cleaned up immediately. Otherwise leave the mess for her if she didn't do it in the morning leave it for her when she gets back

It encourages pests (mice, rats, ants) in the house when there's bits of food around and the floor is sticky. Gross.

Yes, if its left like that for weeks on end, but not in the space of 48 hours it won't!

Your drinks and snacks weren't appreciated so don't provide them again. Simples.

Next time, just tell them, 'I've left some snacks and drinks out in the kitchen, if you don't mind just keeping them down there that'd be fab. Have a great night, girls!'

YABU. A group of girls on a legendary night out. "Hmmm. Let's ensure we vacuum the stairs before we go..."

Good grief - I'm amazed that anyone is getting uptight about such a small amount of mess being left by three teenagers. If that was all my daughter had left lying around when she was that age, I would have been quite relieved!

If your dd is still spending alternate weekends at her dad's she sounds like a great person who gives you little trouble. I think, a lot of us mums of older teens have had the rush out to the taxi leaving all in their trail. Mine were never in the bedroom but in the sitting room..boys!! Cut her some slack as it doesn't sound too often and it's nice to see her with her friends having fun. It doesn't mean she will grow up a slob or totally disrespectful to you. It's possibly even a once off.

I would be cross too, you did a kind thing and they left a mess.

You went in her room and you tidied up?! Crikey I would never do that. My 18 year old is responsible for tidying her own room.

I've always said to my three no food in the bedroom and they've pretty much stuck to it. But the glasses of water that accumulated 🙈

Laughing at the thought of my 18yo preloading, whilst getting ready to go out and then stopping to tidy up before she actually leaves the house.
Let her have a good evening, she’ll tidy tomorrow, or not.. it’s her room.

Is this for real?

I wouldn’t care in the least. It wouldn’t even register on my radar. She’s 18. Leave her alone.

My DD’s room was always a tip after her friends had been round at any age. Especially sleepovers. Sweets everywhere. It’s no big deal.

My bedroom was always a mess when I was 18, it's normal.

OP’s DD + friends were in her own bedroom, no mess in communal areas so your comment is irrelevant. At 18 her room is her private space - OP has no business to be needlessly tidying it, never mind getting annoyed over this.

I am well known in my family for my obsessively clean tendencies but even I would let this go tbh.
A group of excited teenagers going for a night out are not worrying about a few snack wrappers and drinks.
I don't think it's disrespectful, probably a bit thoughtless at the absolute worst.
I would just have shut the door and left them to it.

Her room, her mess. No way would I be tidying an 18 year old’s bedroom for them and if my mum had done it I’d have seen it as an intrusion.

They’d have had to clean it up if they couldn’t get into bed.

I'd have left the mess but woken her a bit earlier so she could clean up.

It's her room!

No need for you to a) go in there, b) tidy it up or c) be pissed off about it

And of course they're not going to tidy it up before they go out 😆 that's part of the fun of a night out, trying to find your way into bed past all the shoes and clothes and makeup you discarded before you left 😄

I think you can have a calm word with her to ask that they do a quick tidy before they leave.
Doesn't have to be a big deal.

Totally agree
At 10 or under my kids new to clean up after theirselves
Leaving sticky stuff on the floor can get walked round the house
At 18 it's just lazy and disrespectful
Are these the people who grow up and leave unwashed coffee cups in the works kitchen?
Who do they think will wash them?

YABU. I'd have left it and if the girls didn't clean it before they left, I'd be making my daughter stay behind while they went home. If she refused, THEN I'd be as upset as you are now and there would be consequences like not having people over again.

But it’s not reasonable to be mad preemptively when you've taken away the opportunity for them to clean up after themselves. My mum did this all the time and it just breeds resentment as you've not given them a chance to prove you wrong.

Irritating as hell, and yes, when she was 10 my 18 year old wouldn't have done it, but I swear they revert to toddlerdom in terms of thoughtfulness and obstreperousness!

I bite my tongue and look forward to the day she has her kids. . .

I would have just left it for them to sort.