To ask DH to not walk round the house with headphones in...

[wefly]

Always. He has talk sport in his ear or a podcast. Meaning that when I try to talk to him, he cant hear me. Or I have to wait whilst he pauses it and removes his head phones...

often what I was saying was just a passing comment or "chat" which then makes me feel awkward like I've disturbed him.

I've asked him numerous times and he says it's no different to me looking at my phone...

I think it's completely different but I can't quite put into words how or why.

We also have young children and I feel this is an unhealthy habit for them to see.

Can you help me make sense of this ...

On the one hand I can see your point, on the other I've been on the other side of it.

I loved having headphones on in my teenage years and older. It drove my mum crazy for the same reasons it does you. She was a lot more aggressive about it though. She had this thing where if she wanted me for something she would yell at me to come to her.
@
When I got to a certain age, mid / late teens I began to think if its that important come and find me to ask me rather than yelling. We lived in a flat so it isn't as if she'd have to walk far to find me. But no she yelled and yelled my name when she wanted me because she was too important to walk a few steps to my bedroom. If I had earphones and genuinely couldn't hear she would eventually burst through my bedroom door screaming at me.

She hated that if she made comments or said things I wouldn't hear her and she said it was like living with a zombie.

If I wore them in the street she would make a huge scene if I hadn't heard her and (they were still on a head band then) would grab the headphones band and drag them off me and say hello are you there.

I wasn't allowed to play my music put loud as she didn't like it and would make comments about it and to turn it down and that she didn't like it. She didn't like it if I wore headphones so what was I meant to do?

The other side of it is, you are asking someone to not do something they enjoy just because you want their full attention in case you want to say something to them. They have to be ready for what you have to say all the time.

Was I expected to provide entertainment to my mum and be ready constantly in case she wanted to talk about anything?

If he's doing it too much ask him to reduce it or perhaps to have one ear bud in so he can hear what's going on.

Aaagh I had this with an ex! Would watch sports on his phone with headphones in. The passing comment thing really resonates. Pointless arguments over a 'looks like a nice day out there' type comment.
They are not present and never in the moment. Then you feel silly because it being a nice day isn't conversation worthy, but you feel as though you're talking to yourself, and they are a piece of furniture.

It's awful. I sympathise, but don't have any answers. We split for a number of reasons and this was one of them. Not suggesting you do the same! Just sending solidarity x

I do this but only ever have one ear in. I participate fully and respond to people immediately.

Your DH is just rude

I think it’s incredibly disrespectful to the people you live with. Dedicated time doing a certain task and listening to a podcast or something fair enough, but walk around all day blocking out the family and isolating probably the one other adult around you is rude as fuck and opting out of family life.

Sorry, I do this when cleaning and doing chores and cooking... I would NOT do this when sat on the sofa with someone etc

I hadn't RTFT

Hmmm I'm on the fence with this one. Generally I'm on my own in the kitchen, I used to have a radio on, but the reception was always an issue, the only spot I could put the radio was the one spot I needed access to, so the radio was constantly being moved and I'd miss chunks of a program.
I then used my mp3 player attached to a speaker, so I could listen to audio books, but the buggers kept nicking my aux or charging leads... grrrrrrrr!
In the end my lovely MIL gave me some blue tooth headphones, which I now use whenever I'm doing chores, as let's face it domestic duties aren't exactly fun!
The difference is, the minute dh or kids walk into the kitchen (or anywhere I'm working) I remove my headphones because I know they want to talk.
And yes I've been known to indulge in watching my own things on my tablet when dh and ds are watching sport, as I'm always the last to sit down and watch TV, by which time ds or dh have control of the controller! Sometimes the dc or dh have headphones to watch their programs on there gadgets as we generally all like different things.
Hypercritical alert coming 📣 I find it infuriating when dd wears them in her bedroom, as it means I'm either having to bellow at the top of my voice (which must piss off the neighbours, and they must think I have a terrible relationship with dd, I don't!) or stomp upstairs (which does my loaf in, when I'm busy) I generally stomp upstairs when I know the neighbours are in!

Hypercritical alert coming 📣 I find it infuriating when dd wears them in her bedroom, as it means I'm either having to bellow at the top of my voice (which must piss off the neighbours, and they must think I have a terrible relationship with dd, I don't!) or stomp upstairs (which does my loaf in, when I'm busy) I generally stomp upstairs when I know the neighbours are in!

See my mother did this. Yell at me when she wanted something and storm into my room when I couldn't hear her.

Sorry but what if someone did that to you? She's not a tiny kid if she's alone in her room with earbuds in. If you want her - go to her room to talk to her, don't just stand there and shout wherever you are in the house expecting her run to heel. You go to her room and find her.

Why do people think they're so important that they can just stand and bellow from wherever they are in the house for everyone to come running to them. Go and find the person you want to see. It's actually bloody rude to shout and expect everyone to jump to attention.