To ask DH to not walk round the house with headphones in...

[wefly]

Always. He has talk sport in his ear or a podcast. Meaning that when I try to talk to him, he cant hear me. Or I have to wait whilst he pauses it and removes his head phones...

often what I was saying was just a passing comment or "chat" which then makes me feel awkward like I've disturbed him.

I've asked him numerous times and he says it's no different to me looking at my phone...

I think it's completely different but I can't quite put into words how or why.

We also have young children and I feel this is an unhealthy habit for them to see.

Can you help me make sense of this ...

This would annoy me no end. It's like switching off from what's going on around you. And it does seem strange to always have something in his ear, doesn't his mind need some quiet space?

@Ihaveneedofwaternear I know!!

Do the children not speak to him?
And you're right - it's a really unhealthy thing to model to them.

Hmmm we're quite a headphone house.

No young children but I know what you mean.

I don't know what the answer is as I do t want to hear Talk Sport on loud speaker either.

Agreed it’s really annoying, one is fine but both creates issues for everyone else in the house trying to communicate.

YABU or do you want to hear him playing Talk Sport all weekend?

It would irritate the life out of me. A relationship includes little quips and comments and opportunties for a shared joke etc. That's all lost and the risk is that you'll disengage from each other. Plus how does he hear what his children are saying to him? 🤔

God my DH does this and it drives me mad. We have 3 young kids but his headphones means I'm the only one who can hear them and therefore get the snacks, blankets, change the channel or whatever. It's like he's withdrawing from life into his own bubble, instead of engaging in the boring shit of family life. He can do that, safe in the knowledge I'll pick it up.

Yep. This.

Exactly that. My exH was the same but his thing was watching sport which appeared to make him deaf. Literally every available second and I picked up all the house or children related things. We are divorced now. Thank goodness. It's a miserable way to live.

How can I verbalise to him how this is not the same as looking as phone (which I admit I do too much but I am very conscious of not doing it around the kids)

See I disagree I am your DH I’ll have my headphones in listening to a podcast whilst I potter around on the weekends, do the washing cooking ect.

I enjoy listening and I can’t see the problem it’s no different to watching TV reading a book or doing something else for leisure time.
i can hear when someone is trying to talk to me and just pause the podcast exactly as I would look up from a book or pause the tv.

DH watches stuff on his phone the noise drives me mad sometimes. I listen to stuff when cleaning but put one ear bud in so that I'm aware of him talking but don't disturb him.

Hmmm seems mixed

So tonight for example we been out for dinner - lovely evening. We come home and both start creating a sweet snack in the kitchen.

Instantly his headphones are back in even when we sat next to each other on the sofa.

I felt instantly so disconnected. When I asked him to turn them off he was like "it's the same as you looking at your phone"

It just feels very uncomfortable and disrespectful to me ...

I love to listen to podcasts and do so a lot but rarely with headphones in while around the house. I will put it on phone when in the kitchen but turn it off when someone comes in in case they want to talk. I wouldn’t mind it every now and then e.g. if I’m clearly busy with something else, but all the time is just rude.

Don't see the problem and if my husband told me not to do this I would be very unhappy.

My dh used to/[still does sometimes] this, any time we travelled long distance somewhere

@Yourethebeerthief
Do you have young children?

I love having my headphones in when cleaning and cooking it reduces the drudgery. Yes it does sometimes bother DH and I say come and help with the housework and chat to me then. He does not linger and I get to enjoy my podcasts.

It’s not the same as looking at a phone. You can look at a phone and still chat, headphones shut the world out. It’s rude to be so self absorbed you shut your family out.

Would drive me nuts...

He's disengaging from family life.

My husband goes mad when I read a book because I'm completely immersed in the story and don't hear a word he's saying. He says I'm deliberately ignoring him which I'm not.

It depends. If he is completely zoned out and not able to hear/respond to kids or you then that's not ok.

However, like several PPs, both DH and I love listening to podcasts while getting on with other household tasks to break the monotony. The solution we have is to only wear one AirPod. That way you aren't totally switched off to the world around you (and it's safer if loosely supervising kids).

I have the exact same issue. The problem with headphones is there's no visual cue that you're busy and not listening the way there is with a book. I often don't realise, start to chat, he stops his podcast or whatever and asks me to repeat, moment is lost. And the headphones go back on. Repeat. Or I stop bothering.

If he goes to another room to listen then it's fine. But sometimes we'll be chatting and I think we've just taken a pause, and turn back to find he's turned on his headphones. It's really upsetting.

Were you on your phone?