To not like anyone coming into my home?

[PontiacBanditt]

I've recently moved into a new apartment with DH and our 3 DCs.

We never had people round in our old place because it was simply too small for us let alone guests. Now we've moved and my DM, DF, Uncle and a mum friend with her four children have separately invited themselves round/asked when they can visit and I don't really have any excuse for why they can't.

The idea of people being here makes me so uncomfortable. I hate hate hate people using my toilet, especially as I know DM never washes her hands, the smell of people's lingering perfume, their germs everywhere, DF is always covered in cat hair and it'll be on my sofa etc I just can't stand it. My home is my safe space and I like it just us.

I know I sound insane. I previously struggled with OCD and had therapy and medication for it. I'm not a clean freak, I have 3DC, our place is often messy and dirty so I don't know why I feel like this about other people. I am very sociable outside our home.

DC are too small to have friends round but I'd be fine with that

Please tell me I'm not alone or do I need therapy?

I’m here with you on this.
people being here makes me feel i can’t relax
and what about when they take forever to leave
mom very sociable outside of home

Gently, yes I do think you need therapy. That’s not a great environment for your children to grow up in, never having visits from their grandparents. And you don’t know that you’ll be fine with paydays in the future - these usually involve inviting the parent in at the start/end for a cup of something.

I know I sound insane.

You said it.
I mean, very kindly, it isn't going to help if people start to tell you this is normal or reasonable. It really isn't.

Why would you be ok with your dc friends ? Kids are even less hygienic and more germ prone.

I was brought up by a mum who never had people round bc of mental health issues. Please don't do the same to your kids.

Sorry, I said YABU and I meant the opposite! I feel the same way as you and no OCD diagnosis etc.

Just tell people straight, you don't have guests to your apartment.

I hate people in my house.
You can keep them out. Either go to theirs or meet them elsewhere.

It’s not really other people. It’s uout mum and dad. I think maybe you still have significant issues . What will you do when the kids want friends round, or to handle play dates?

Why doesn’t DM wash her hands?! Apart from this I would say your OCD is showing and would be good if you could get some more help

Using a bathroom I can relate to, especially as one of the benefits of the days I can wfh is not having to use a shared toilet.

Yabu invite people round.

I hate people coming round too, but for different reasons.

My household is really busy and on top of that I don’t need extra shopping, cooking, cleaning up before and after people coming round. It’s just more work for me. The worst is Christmas when everyone thinks I’m a hotel.

I’d rather go out to meet them.

I can’t begin to relate to this at all and I think you need more help before it affects your children.

I feel exactly the same @PontiacBanditt I hate having people in my space. I will happily go to theirs, or meet elsewhere, but my home is my sanctuary and I don't like having other people in it. It is definitely not obsessively tidy or clean, but it is to my preference.

I’m the same - it’s our safe space. We see family and friends elsewhere.

While you can choose to keep people out of your house I don't think you can reasonably expect to be invited to theirs.

I don't really invite people over because I'd need to tidy up and my house desperately needs decorating but I don't have the time or the money. Most people are very judgemental about other peoples houses (see multiple MN threads) and i can do without people looking fown their noses at me. I don't stop people coming if they want to but I definitely don't encourage it. I let my kids have friends over to stay or for tea whenever they want (kids arent judgemental in the same way) and try and keep on top of the mess when that happens.

I'm the same
I also have OCD, anxiety and depression.

I hate anyone being in my home. I'm just on edge the whole time

Only on Mumsnet!

When your kids friends come over, their parents will come too, certainly for the first couple of times. Please get some help for this or your kids will be so miserable.

Your children will be on the stately homes threads on MN in the future, Yes it's weird and abusive to not let your children have friends in their home.

Most people are very judgemental about other peoples houses

No, most people who go to see a friend or family member, do just that - visit the person - and don't care a jot about what the house looks like.

Your children will be on the stately homes threads on MN in the future, Yes it's weird and abusive to not let your children have friends in their home.

Not just the children's friends, but their Grandparents and other members of extended family.

DC are too small to have friends round but I'd be fine with that

Please don't be that parent who never allows their kids to have friends round.

I'm with you on this one. It's YOUR home and therefore up to you who can come round. It's your private space and not a bloody park open to the world and his wife. Tell them to go as you're busy/going out/about to have a bath, etc. If they don't like it, tough!

You need help, yes. And don’t take heart from Mners agreeing with you. The forum is full of misanthropes who struggle to establish or maintain the most ordinary relationships.

If you’d wanted to live like a hermit, as is your right, then you should stay single and childfree. It’s particularly unhelpful as a way of modelling relationships to young children.