Or is DH? Stuck on holiday with him

[WITWHBIWAGT]

Bought lunch in a small supermarket today as per agreement. We are on holiday and needed quick food. I got a shop bought meat sandwich and some bread and hummus. It was slim pickings.

So, DC decided they didn’t want the shop sandwich and I’m vegetarian. So I said to DH, ‘I am afraid it’s the shop bought sandwich for you.’ I said it in a kind of resigned, ‘bloody fussy kids’ kind of way - I thought.

He got cross and asked why does he have to eat it? I said you don’t but DC don’t want it and I don’t eat meat. ‘So why aren’t I allowed bread and hummus?’ - me ‘I’m not saying you are aren’t, I’m just saying no one else will eat that sandwich’ - he continues ranting. I say, ‘it’s fine, we can just chuck the sandwich away’.

Anyway he goes on being cross and telling me how awful I’m being. I get a bit tearful. Oldest DC comes and hugs me. DH storms off and slams the door. Then a bit later comes angrily out and angrily eats the bloody sandwich. I try and make conversation but I’m feeling a bit upset.

DC then go off somewhere so I calmly explain that I wasn’t dictating he should have the sandwich, more was commiserating. He sulkily says thank you for explaining and then says, ‘but can you see how I might think you were dictating what I eat’. I say no I don’t, because it seems obvious to me that I’m saying oh no, you poor thing, the DC are being fussy again and you are going to be stuck with that boring sandwich.

He launches into another tirade about how awful I’ve been (I got a bit irritated with him twice in the last week - I think most people would have but that’s another thread) - called me arrogant. Said my irritation with him was as unacceptable. I asked him if he thought it was ok to speak to me how he was. He didn’t answer. Carried on his tirade until I just sat quiet for long enough. I had a bit of a cry.

Was I being unreasonable and should he say sorry for getting so angry and storming off? To be clear, I stayed calm, didn’t once shout and didn’t call him any names or have a go at him but also didn’t just apologise because he’d completely misunderstood me for some reason.

I’ve got another week of holiday left. I just want to go home but have to play happy families for DC.

I grew up with a constant bad atmosphere between my parents, snapping, sulking, tears etc. It was awful. It marred all of our holidays. It was incredibly stressful. I urge you to end this marriage so you and your kids can finally relax.

Despite the slim pickings the children has something that they had in the sandwiches everyday, the OP had something that was selected for her and generally considered pretty tasty and the DH had... whatever was leftover from everyone else's selection with "that's a shit sandwich but youll eat it anyway".

I'd say that's pretty afterthought-y

Not even "are you OK with bread and hummus the selection here is shocking?" Or "shall we some some crappy chocolate in for everyone to make up for dinner"

Either way, the relationship is dead in the water

How true is this???!! Scarily so.

There's a lot of different interpretations. That's the nature of a open forum

Yet op got something edible to her food requirements, DC got something edible to there food requirements, DH got something edible to everyone else's food requirements.

That might well be the way it happens. Sometimes it's not what happens, It's how you talk to each other about it

Why do you assume the DH was getting leftovers @Icedlatteplease ? That's very interesting that that is the conclusion you have come to despite the OP's posts.

But you're not interpreting, you're making stuff up. You have stated the DH is always an afterthought when OP has said no such thing.

I've asked the OP that question a few times, the op doesn't answer. Just repeats it was slim pickings and why she and the dc got the hummus and shop sandwich

I can understand why he was slightly irritated by what you said. But why act like he would have had to eat the sandwich just because you asked him to, when (1) there was enough bread and hummus for everyone and (2) you'd just let the child you'd actually bought the sandwich for refuse to eat it? He should have just said "no thanks, that belongs to [Childsname]" (or just "no thanks")and dug into the hummus, or gone off himself to pick out something he liked better. Acting like you're bullying him into eating it, given that it sounds like he does similar a lot, comes across as uncomfortably close to wanting to play the victim/martyr and paint you in a worst than accurate or necessary light. He could also just say "I'm tired of the assumption I'll eat anything no one else wants" and start a conversation without a performance.

This is the best response here I think.

OP your husband took things way too far and instead of getting a little annoyed he acted like a petulant child and ruined everyones day so he should say sorry.

However after your story about the wine bottles it sounds like you are unhappy with him in general and that is coming out in the way you talk to him. If I was so patronising and critical of my DH he would get pretty snippy with me too (and vice versa if the tables were turned!).

I think you need to work through this more with your counsellor if you haven't both already given up.

You both sound like you need to learn that sometimes you need to let things go as this petty sniping will destroy your relationship.

JFC I can’t believe how many posters are still banging on about the shit sandwich!!

OP. I understand. You hoped that DH might pull it together and be a fair and willing participant in your much needed family holiday.

Instead he’s making it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to be there, and that you piss him off. He pisses you off too. I’m not sure either of you even likes the other any longer.

Big Girls Pants to get through the holiday with minimum damage to the DC. Can you spend some time apart from DH either with or without DC?

When you get home I agree with PP that counselling for yourself would be beneficial.

Thats what I'm saying though @Icedlatteplease , the OP and dc didn't get the sandwich, bread and hummus. The bread and hummus was for everyone. Why are you assuming the dh was just getting the leftovers? You didn't answer why you have assumed that.

She got the hummus and bread because that was something everyone could eat, and the sandwich because one of her DC might like it and failing that, her DH might like it.

How many times does she have to say it?

Exactly.@Icedlattepleaseis wilfully ignoring what OP explained in previous posts. She bought the sandwich for one of her DC and the hummus and bread for everyone else. The DC didn't want it, so she thought DH would have it. She didn't buy any of the food as leftovers!

You've said that.

That isn't actually what the op said. She said SHE could eat the bread and hummus and there was enough for everyone.

There is a difference.

Or to look at it another way. If there was enough bread and hummus for everyone, why get something else for anyone?

I know it's not the point but I just can't get my head around a supermarket abroad not having any fruit, cheese slices, precooked ham/chicken/etc, even if they don't have sandwiches or sandwich fillers.

Holidays have been like this for us, so only booked two days this year. Still fell out ...

Bloody hell, talk about nitpicking. Yes, OP said she could eat the hummus because she's vegetarian. She also said DH didn't have to eat the sandwich. He made her cry. But he's still the good guy in all of this, eh?

I've not read the WHOLE of the posts but enough to know I disagree.
You're offering him a sandwich no one else wants like he's a human dustbin that's only worthy of scraps.
I'd be fucked off too
You should have throw it to the foxes ffs.
And don't be that person that withdraws washing/ food / cleaning / cooking because he didn't eat what he considered shit.
Why didn't you eat it ? Because you're vegetarian? Why didn't he eat it , because he didn't want to and why should either of you?
Maybe next time give him a call and say " this is what's on offer what would you like ?"

I don’t approve of his attitude (had one like it myself, thankfully ex) but was there really only one tub of hummus and one (apparently) unappetising sandwich in that supermarket?

You are being willfully ignorant.

Its obvious that the reason she clarified she could eat it was because she’s vegetarian and that introduces a limitation. She chose something that everyone including her, could eat, as opposed to getting something that everyone except her could eat eg bread and pate. And she also got something one of her DC and also her husband might like but that she wouldn’t eat herself.

If anyone was left with limited options it was OP and her other DC who presumably wouldn’t be into the sandwich.

Because her son had had the sandwich a few days before for school and really liked it so she thought she'd get it again – the rest of the food would've stretched further then. He didn't fancy it so she thought her DH would. He kicked off and made her cry, nice guy that he is.

RTFT first before you start spouting hurtful nonsense.

This isn’t about sandwiches.

And life is so much easier divorced. Come over to the dark side. Nobody to have Hummus Gate with other than your own kids.