DS. ex is pregnant (19)

[Claretmum]

I'm not sure what I'm asking here...I think I just wanted to reach out.

DS has revealed that his ex-girlfriend (both 19) is pregnant. She is two/three weeks gone. She already has one baby from another relationship and they have both decided that they do not want to keep this baby. She suffered badly with PND whixh my son helped her with. Therefore they have an appointment tomorrow for a medical termination. I support their decision as do her parents.

They broke up a while ago and it appears this has happened after a get together three weeks ago...🙄 he thought she was still on the pill but he accepts that he should have taken precautions. She's a nice enough girl but a bit fiery hence the split.

I'm just in complete shock by it all. Husband hadn't taken it well and has headed to the pub as they clash at the best of times.

DS is not having a good run so far this year - crashed his new car a month ago...feels like one thing after another with him.

He's a hard working pleasant lad and it just feels like everything is going wrong at the moment.

I'm just not sure what I can offer in the situation and how do I calm DH down? He accuses me of thinking DS can do no wrong and that I choose his side everyrime.

Thanks for reading xx

Tell your DH to keep his mouth shut because right now she is doing the right thing. If he upsets your son, your son might end up talking to her and say something that changes her mind.

in the future, your DH can have a talk with your DS about the utter stupidity of not using condoms every single time. If your DH wants to yell at that point, I wouldn’t stop him, but wait until things are resolved.

Well nobody knows when they are 2or 3 weeks pregnant.. So is she having ds on?

In all fairness I found out at 3 weeks.....this did cross my mind however. I'd like to think she wouldn't do this - they're both going to the hospital tomorrow, surely you wouldn't go to those extremes?

Well they both sound totally irresponsible.
They both need a good talking to about contraception and being responsible adults, especially when there is already a child involved.
I can understand your DH being annoyed. Crashing a car and getting someone pregnant don't sound like bad luck so much as reckless behaviour.
However I agree with pp sorting out this situation should be the priority. And then perhaps some serious conversations with your son about adult behaviour going forward.

Presumably she means 2-3 weeks post conception, or 4-5 weeks since LMP. Lots of people tests as soon as they're late, particularly if they've had unprotected sex.

If they only had sex three weeks ago, this is about the earliest she would be testing positive. How has she managed to have a positive test and arrange an appointment to have a termination this quickly? I’d be a little suspicious.

Well the crash wasn't his fault actually....a lorry ploughed into him. But I understand your point of view.

I think deep down I am....

Oh well you could actually say he has had some good luck then as he survived the lorry ploughing into his car !

Termination would be best all round for all concerned, particularly as she already has a child from a previous relationship. Tell yoir DS to stick something on the end of it in future otherwise it could cost him dear for the next 18+years

There is that I suppose!

She may well be pregnant, but it might not be by your DS. Or they may have been sleeping together a little longer than he’s admitted to!

Well, they’re both adults, they’ve acted irresponsibly but they’re dealing with it. What “side” is there to take here?

I wouldn't mind but we've always nagged him about it! We've been really open that way.

I knew about four days after conception because my symptoms started almost immediately. Got a positive test 9 days before my period was due.

OP - it’s a tough situation but it sounds like they’re making a sensible decision and he’s supporting his ex through the procedure which is the right thing to do. Hopefully it’s a lesson learned from him in future to use condoms as a precaution. I’d offer non-judgmental support. He’s not the first and won’t be the last to accidentally end up in this situation, and thankfully we live in a country where there is a safe and accessible solution for people who no longer want to be pregnant.

Realistically OP the timings dont work for your son ... I'd ask him to be cautious

Exactly. I'm not sure what DH expects me to do.

Suspicious of what?

Thank you - his car accident has made him a much more cautious driver so hopefully this makes him a much safer..erm...person.

Your ds hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact he’s being supportive towards her.

Are you okay?

I would be a little suspicious but you can’t express it.

I'm with your DH.

"he thought she was still on the pill but he accepts that he should have taken precautions" pft, such a blasé attitude, using termination as a form of contraception.

Your DS needs a bloody good talking to.

Your son needs to remember to use protection next time. Only morons don't on purpose when they don't want to try and conceive. And I would recommend he get an STI test as well seeing as pregnancy isn't the only result of not wearing protection. Can't believe we have to spell that out.

The dates are niggling me but as I said I also found out at three weeks so I need to stop that x

I mean it's not ideal but it sounds like they are both being quite sensible now in dealing with the situation.