DS. ex is pregnant (19)

[Claretmum]

I'm not sure what I'm asking here...I think I just wanted to reach out.

DS has revealed that his ex-girlfriend (both 19) is pregnant. She is two/three weeks gone. She already has one baby from another relationship and they have both decided that they do not want to keep this baby. She suffered badly with PND whixh my son helped her with. Therefore they have an appointment tomorrow for a medical termination. I support their decision as do her parents.

They broke up a while ago and it appears this has happened after a get together three weeks ago...🙄 he thought she was still on the pill but he accepts that he should have taken precautions. She's a nice enough girl but a bit fiery hence the split.

I'm just in complete shock by it all. Husband hadn't taken it well and has headed to the pub as they clash at the best of times.

DS is not having a good run so far this year - crashed his new car a month ago...feels like one thing after another with him.

He's a hard working pleasant lad and it just feels like everything is going wrong at the moment.

I'm just not sure what I can offer in the situation and how do I calm DH down? He accuses me of thinking DS can do no wrong and that I choose his side everyrime.

Thanks for reading xx

DH losing his head isn't very helpful. Sounds like DS and ex have it under control to be fair. Perhaps just be proud that they are both mature enough and confident enough of support to have told you. OH and me had a termination 19 years ago in our twenties. We have never told our parents. I think it says a lot for your parenting skill that your DS didn't feel he had to keep it secret. Just give him a hug. That's all you can do.

Nothing really! They're still friends regardless.

What has she to gain by lying about being pregnant and getting an abortion. You say ‘they’ have an appointment so is your DS going with her?

Quite honesty I'm surprised that he even told you, especially as she's going to terminate. I'd have thought he'd have just offered to support her when she goes to the clinic, and put it behind him. After all, it's nobodies business but their own really, is it? As for your DH, going mad, well just tell him that his DS didn't have to tell you, so he should think himself lucky, rather than going off on one.

Yes

He was supposed to be going somewhere with his Dad tomorrow so to be honest I think that's why he told us. But I'm glad he did so he didn't bottle it up.

Hopefully your son will learn to always use a condom in future.

I wouldn't mind but we've always been so open and discussed this. Definitely used them before as we've found the evidence...

I think this might be a stretching it a bit. I found out at 3 weeks with both of mine, having had been pregnant many times, I know exactly how I feel when I am.

But...for a termination - I work with young women, and several have had them over the years, so I'm fairly familiar with the process, as I have to approve time off/sick leave.

It's my understanding that after a positive test, if you call a clinic, you have an over the phone appt where they work out your dates. Then, at approx 4 -6 wks more commonly 6 wks, they do a pregnancy test and/or a scan before prescribing tablets or offering a d&c. Usually 6 wks plus so they can more accurately see what they're scanning.

Please, someone, correct me if I'm wrong as I don't have first-hand experience. This situation would be making suspicious of dates/timelines.

It does sound like he's doing the right by her though and accompanying her to her appt

We all know teenagers know better than parents 😉

Surely that helps your suspicions?

I'm thinking they've got mixed up and this appointment tomorrow is a consultation only....

What? I found out 11 days after I had sex I was pregnant.

She could take the tablet, no need for a hospital appointment at this early stage.

My heads mashed now with the conflicting replies 😂

But, they are doing the right thing for them, and importantly doing it together.

They've been good friends since they were 13, I'm glad he's supporting her.

I'll deal with DH when he resurfaces.

One would assume that she wasn’t trying to fall pregnant, so wouldn’t be testing that early and had missed her period. Terminations can take a little while to arrange, it’s not instant. Three weeks is a very tight timeframe for all these things to have happened.

It's just where the clinic is, located at the hospital.

Haha funnily enough I wasn’t trying to fall pregnant either! Maybe she was cautious of the fact she’d recently had unprotected sex? Either way not everything has to be sinister or suspicious

This was my impression, can’t she just see a GP at this stage?

Your DH sounds like a childish twat who needs to grow up and be there for his son.

Two people had sex.
They were silly to not use protection but they’re dealing with the consequences of their actions.

I think they sound like sensible young adults, who will learn from their mistakes.

Sorry @Claretmum but my own DM would talk about my brother in terms of having a bad run of luck when really it was down to him being irresponsible catching up with him. He's 38 now and on the same bad run of luck he was on at 16!

Your DS and his ex are doing the right thing. Maybe your DH sees his behaviour as irresponsible and is just frustrated you see it as bad luck?

GPs don’t generally have much / any input into the process at all. The contract is normally through third party or hospital clinics (as here). Under 10 weeks, there’s no need for a scan etc. They’ll ask for details of last period and take your word for dating.

Nothing you can do. Let ds and his gf work this out. They’ll be fine. I went through similar at that age. Many do.

This used to be the case but now with telemedicine all they ask for is a positive pregnancy test and they send you the pills or you go in and take them.

Is your DH his Dad?

I don't understand why he is upset about this? Why is he making a pregnancy and abortion all about him?