To think that wedding s never used to be such a ‘thing’?

[Serendipity12]

So I got married in the early 90s. We were basically students and had help from parents to afford the wedding, for which we were really grateful. At the time the wedding seemed fine, but looking back - and compared to how weddings are approached now - I’m amazed at how things seem to have changed - or were my standards just really low?!?! For instance, I had one of the first dresses I tried on and only had one fitting session and on the day realised it came with a hoop for under the skirt so I ended up looking like a meringue! In a baggy dress. The organist played the wrong piece of music going up the aisle (I didn’t want to say anything) and food was average, but everyone still had a good time. Looking back I do sort of feel regret but am I Aibu to think that at present the cost and effort and whole bridezilla destination wedding thing is just taking the pursuit of perfection a bit too far and that maybe comparison is just making me feel more regret than I need to?
YABU - your standards should have been higher for your own wedding
YANBU - weddings have become too much of a showcased thing in ore recent years
tempted to add a pic of the meringue but would be outing!!!

So just because someone wants a destination wedding they are a bridezilla? People have more money these days, they can do so much more than years ago. Ps, I eloped so I'm not suggesting I had a big wedding, there was 4 of us. However, I dont think people are bridezillas just for doing it how they want to if they can afford it.

No, you misread. I’m not conflating bridezillas with destination weddings as I realise the two are/can be completely separate things. Glad you had a lovely wedding.

YANBU

In my grandparents generation, most people had a simple ceremony with a buffet in the church hall afterwards, lots of drinking & dancing. One or two main photos, but everyone actually just having a good time.

I think now everything is done for the 'gram, it has to be picture perfect & it's competitive!

I love a simple, fun wedding way better than the crazy extravagant stuff. I also think the memories are made when stuff goes wrong! X

I think that it all changed when the law changed about where you could get married in England. When I married in 95 you could only get married in church or at the local registry office.

Yes you're right op. And everything around the day too.

Hen/stag nights used to be one night out in a pub/nightclub. Now they are 5 day long trips to Vegas or Ibiza!

Did you know even when someone asks another woman to be their bridesmaid nowadays, they send a whole box of gifts to ask them?

People have more money these days, they can do so much more than years ago.

Do they? What's the cost of living crisis been about then?

https://www.resolutionfoundation.org/publications/are-you-better-off-today/

I think weddings became more of a “thing” during the 90s, At least, the weddings I went to in the 90s were much bigger/fancier than the weddings I went to in the 80s. I got married in the mid nineties and I seem to remember the average wedding cost was £10k. My theory is that the Marriage Act 1994, allowing people to get married outside of a register office or religious building was one of the drivers for the rapid change - suddenly there were all these amazing locations where you could get married.

Plus Instagram / social media driving dysfunctional behaviour.

I thought young people had less money these days and couldn't get on the property ladder as a result...

People have more money these days
That's a peculiar statement...

We spent £25k on ours 6 years ago and I’m still embarrassed about how much we spent. It was a really nice day but if I had my time again it’d be register office, Tuesday afternoon, followed by a slap up lunch.

YANBU. It often seems to be more about the venue, food, dress etc than about marriage itself & the meaning behind it. DH & I look back & would do a few things differently including no evening do as quite a few of our guests were older & the disco turned out to be a waste of money. I wish we’d got married earlier in the day then gone off with just close friends & family for a meal overlooking the beach.

I think weddings have always been an "event" - maybe yours wasn't, but lots of people have always liked to have a big party and a lovely dress.

My first wedding was pretty rubbish. I had a cheap dress because I was fat and twenty years ago there was minimal choice for "plus size" (size 16). My parents didn't like my exH so wouldn't give us any financial or practical help, and my exH had a drink problem so wasn't able to save any money. It was a cheap and nasty wedding for two people who should never have got married in the first place. My BIL got arrested, my exMIL got drunk and fell into the neighbours hedge. The whole thing was a shitshow.

Weddings have always been a big deal. If you weren’t bothered about making it a fancy event and you still enjoyed it then great, but the majority of brides have always wanted their weddings to be special. I think people also feel pressure to host a good event because friends and families are so spread out nowadays, so being a wedding guest often incurs time and expense. When people are making Aggie effort to attend your event, it’s nice to give them food that is more than just average.

Where weddings have gone bonkers it’s because of unnecessary expenses like decorations that don’t add anything to the guest experience but make the bride happy. There’s nothing wrong with that if they can afford it, it all contributes to the economy.

Weddings have ALWAYS been a massive things, at least in some circles. To push it to the extreme, a royal wedding has always been an insane event, but a whole village celebrating wasn't a small thing either.

Weddings were often a way for parents to show off their wealth.

Today it's just easier to travel, destination hen/stag and destination weddings are a lot cheaper, people get married later so have a lot more money.

If you are a young professional in your 30s, hopefully child-free, a week in Ibiza for your friend's hen is great.

Which is not the age group I'm generally seeing getting married.

You don't think people have more money these days than the early 90s? Ok then.

It's just the current fashion. In ten years' time people will probably be eloping and spending the money on a year long gap yah instead. Either that or big weddings will be seen as naff and people will be doing intimate Michelin star dinners instead.

I just think "people" is a bit loose 🤣

I think weddings have always been a big thing for certain people in society. And by that I mean upper middle class / rich people.

before you could get married in limited places and aristocracy and rich people had their own stately homes to have the reception in. That left a Sunday church service and parents garden or village hall for everyone else.

with the change in wedding licenses and hotels / stately homes getting in on the act (realising there was a gravy train to board), bigger “flashier” weddings I.e. ones like the aristocracy had became attainable for the average person.

and boom it seems weddings are more of a thing now. It wasn’t that people had simpler tastes, they only had limited options. Now they don’t and they’re willing to save up / take out loans to achieve the wedding they want as it’s their money not their parents.

Ok, whatever. If you want to get picky and label people's opinions peculiar. I supposed that's what it's like here on MN.

But that still cost a fortune and both families had to pay towards it, with many getting into debt. My family, 18/1900s ran a double fronted shop. One side did cakes etc and the other clothing including wedding/christening etc. People would pay weekly when their daughters started seriously courting.
Posters on here seem to expect paid bars and not just evening invites, I can't imagine the posts if they were asked to bring food or contribute to the buffet. Life has changed, so have weddings.

Ah I remember my wedding 1995. No kids allowed because I was 23 and everyone older than 27 was old and boring. Kids were an unknown entity. basically the reception was a rave. from the pictures all you can see is a haze of cigarette smoke 😂 I'll be having a 30th anniversary next year and kids, dogs and all ages will be welcome 🤣🤣

@VickyEadieofThigh You beat me to it! I'm always reading how it was apparently so much easier for people to buy property in the 1980s, despite up to 18% mortgage interest rates.