To think that wedding s never used to be such a ‘thing’?

[Serendipity12]

So I got married in the early 90s. We were basically students and had help from parents to afford the wedding, for which we were really grateful. At the time the wedding seemed fine, but looking back - and compared to how weddings are approached now - I’m amazed at how things seem to have changed - or were my standards just really low?!?! For instance, I had one of the first dresses I tried on and only had one fitting session and on the day realised it came with a hoop for under the skirt so I ended up looking like a meringue! In a baggy dress. The organist played the wrong piece of music going up the aisle (I didn’t want to say anything) and food was average, but everyone still had a good time. Looking back I do sort of feel regret but am I Aibu to think that at present the cost and effort and whole bridezilla destination wedding thing is just taking the pursuit of perfection a bit too far and that maybe comparison is just making me feel more regret than I need to?
YABU - your standards should have been higher for your own wedding
YANBU - weddings have become too much of a showcased thing in ore recent years
tempted to add a pic of the meringue but would be outing!!!

Yabu
My mother used to work as a banqeuting supervisor in a hotel in the 90s and there used to be massive wedding back then too. Biggest one she did had 400 guests with no expense spares. We used to get all the spare table favours that were left behind.

My mum is a florist and one of my best friends is a vicar. Both agree that weddings are (not always but often) getting out of hand and ask 'do you want the marriage or just the wedding?'. Previously normal women suddenly becoming demanding, bossy, and unpleasant, all in the name of wanting to be a princess and the centre of attention. Ridiculous amounts of money being spent, often getting the couple into debt - great start to married life.

Haha however I am driving both of them mad (in a lighthearted way) with my own wedding as I want it to be almost too simple and not fussy hahaha

I love the meringue comment OP. My aunt had one too - hilarious.

Mortgages weren't like they are now where you need huge deposits upfront.

Were the deposits smaller in the eighties?

Yep, they used to regularly bosh out 100% mortgages. And what was the average house price as compared to the average salary?

Yes I agree. I got married a few years back and it was a small event then off to the pub, no hen do etc. I appreciate that other people want to do more than that, but people have engagement parties, then long hen/stag dos abroad then holidays abroad and then presents and buy your own bridesmaid outfit etc, and it’s too much, I have turned down weddings because I simply cannot afford it all, which is a shame as it’s so nice to celebrate with people.

I also know a few people who have gotten into debt over their perfect wedding and then regretted it later when kids come along.

I think if people want to celebrate big then go for it, but they need to consider that others simply can’t afford to dedicate the time or money to their celebration.

For one thing most people don't get married as students these days, so obviously they tend to have more money to spend.

I don't necessarily have an issue with people who want big fancy weddings.... what irritates me is the expectation these people have on everyone else. Give up a week of your annual leave for the hen do in Spain which will cost you a couple of grand then give up another few days annual leave for the actual wedding and travel miles and miles and pay for a hotel or go abroad blah blah blah.

I'm 66. Most people getting married these days are young to me.

Yeah you could get 100% mortgages it was normal. So you didn't need deposits.

Two or three generations back, weddings were still a big cost shouldered mainly by the Brides parents. Definitely still money spent on flowers cake cars etc. but most couples would be also setting up home together post wedding so the gift list was important to help furnish their home. So expensive hen and stags. Long haul honeymoons. Bands. Two or even three catered meals. Free bars etv just weren't in budget. Plus the happy couple generally left after the speeches

I got married in 2010. Honestly it was not that expensive. I got a dress for £300 (expensive) which fitted so no alterations. Local church, for a one o clock wedding, friends restaurant for food between lunch and dinner service less than 1k as they let us off with corkage and got wine direct from wholesaler. Party in the evening, again local, friends were the band it was great. Didn’t get lots of gifts as asked people to help. Take photos: play music etc. Home made cakes. Did my own flowers/ table flowers. It was less than £4k all in which is a lot but seems like it would barely touch the sides now.

@Shockvote 100% mortgages were fairly uncommon even in the 1980s, although they definitely were available. I think the earnings to house price ratio was fairly similar for both properties we bought in the 1979s and 1980s as they are today. I often see people commenting on their mortgage repayments on Mumsnet, but back in around 1980 when we bought our second property, our mortgage cost us £600 per month, which was about 75% of our take home pay, and inbetween exchange and completion, our mortgage interest rate went up to 18%. It came back down reasonably quickly but stayed at 16% for a very long time. A single figure interest rate was something that people in my generation could only dream of.

Yes, this absolutely.

You could only get married in your own church or your own registry office. I couldn't marry in church as the groom was divorced, and I had to maintain I lived at my parents' address to be able to marry from their house. We had to get a special registration to use a ground floor room as the registry office was on the first floor with no lift and my mother used a wheelchair.

Since the everyone was going to be married in the local church (with only a few poor souls in the registry office) there wasn't the pressure to make your wedding memorable.

Life is different though, isn't it?

Because for many, lots of previous 'luxuries' are now everyday items and occurrences.

Things like eating out, new clothes, gadgets, beauty, have become common for many.

Therefore, celebrations' have had to raise the bar.

Easter Egg Hunts
Baby Showers
Christmas Eve boxes
Elf on the Shelf
School Leavers Proms
Gender reveals

I'm not sure these were as widespread in the 90s.

It's lifestyle meth. To get the lifestyle hit, you have to go further and further.

People used to get married so there was a wedding.

Now people have weddings to be married. married seems to become the second part of the wedding.

Problem is all these brides and grooms don’t seem to realise half their weddings all look the same anyway. So they shunned the church for a big fancy hotel, like 80% of the rest of their peers so all their weddings are indenta kit which ironically they seem to want to avoid as theirs has to be bigger and better but it isn’t unless your one of this family’s who actually come from money. With their week long stags and hens costing more than a simple wedding. Get their Instagram photos and looks exactly like their besties.

To be fair that sounds way better than the ones now😁

Wow! It certainly was easier...

In 1984 my aunt and uncle took out a huge loan they couldn't afford for their daughter's huge church wedding - meringue dress, 6 bridesmaids, horse drawn carriage, a huge show.

In 1993 my friends worked two jobs for 2 years to afford their massive wedding with the reception in a stately home.

I got married in a registry office then out for lunch.

It's always been a big deal for some and a small affair for others.

I have just seen photos of an ex colleagues wedding on social media. The bride is very SM focused and the whole thing seems to have been done with that in mind. It is a mind boggling amount of money that the couple have spent on it, all for one day. She had 2 dresses, the flowers were like something from a TV show or film. Each to their own but the extravagance of this particular wedding seems really off.

There was a period when you didn't need a deposit, but could get a 100% mortgage, but when I bought in the early 80s you still needed a 5%, or better, 10%, deposit. The big differences are a) house prices (I lived through when it changed mortgage being based on man's income only, to mortgage on 3 x man plus 0.5 woman, to 3x larger income plus 0.5 times smaller), so of course prices have risen to match even more so in the SE and b)rent - there was a stage where you could pay rent or you could pay noticable more than your rent in mortgage but you got a house at the end of it. Landlords did not expect to fund their mortgage (actually bank loan because it was hard to get a mortgage if your were letting) out of the rents received. Now, you either pay rent, or you pay less than your rent and get a free house too. That's the wrong way round!

I said to DH the other day as he commented on someone at his work booking their wedding for 2027, that some people want to get married and some people want a wedding.

I think it used to be roughly 4 times the average salary and is now closer to eight times.

That’s a good point about the relaxation of venues. .Prior to this, it wasn’t unusual to go to the same venues several times in one season, usually one of a couple of churches, with the reception being held in your nearest local ‘posh’ hotel.

Maybe another different compared to yesteryear is thatched parents paid for the wedding, so the

As someone has said, 100% mortgages were not the norm. We needed a 10% deposit on the purchase of our first property, a one bedroom flat, in 1986.