To think that wedding s never used to be such a ‘thing’?

[Serendipity12]

So I got married in the early 90s. We were basically students and had help from parents to afford the wedding, for which we were really grateful. At the time the wedding seemed fine, but looking back - and compared to how weddings are approached now - I’m amazed at how things seem to have changed - or were my standards just really low?!?! For instance, I had one of the first dresses I tried on and only had one fitting session and on the day realised it came with a hoop for under the skirt so I ended up looking like a meringue! In a baggy dress. The organist played the wrong piece of music going up the aisle (I didn’t want to say anything) and food was average, but everyone still had a good time. Looking back I do sort of feel regret but am I Aibu to think that at present the cost and effort and whole bridezilla destination wedding thing is just taking the pursuit of perfection a bit too far and that maybe comparison is just making me feel more regret than I need to?
YABU - your standards should have been higher for your own wedding
YANBU - weddings have become too much of a showcased thing in ore recent years
tempted to add a pic of the meringue but would be outing!!!

I got married in 1990, in a meringue, one bridesmaid, no morning suits, had a bit of a malfunction with my tiara, reception in a university dining hall,no evening do, left for honeymoon from the reception. It was a wonderful day.

@Serendipity12

so there must be something to the inverse relationship between cost of wedding and length of marriage that someone else mentioned here

There is indeed - someone even wrote a paper on the inverse relationship between the cost of the wedding and the length of the marriage.

https://www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/wedding%20expenses%20and%20marriage%20duration.pdf

As DH and I spent the princely sum of $80 on ours, I fear I’m doomed for an eternity of ’wedded bliss’. Over 30 years in and I’m seriously considering a new patio.

We were talking about hen dos at work. A few of us in over 50 age group hadn’t had one, someone else older had a night out in local town. Totally different to multiple hen dos or abroad stag/hen trips that are popular now.
I have no regrets ours was low cost, don’t feel l missed out. I also have noticed that those who married cheaply have lasted.

A friend of mine got married on a shoestring. It didn’t last.

Years ago people wanted to get married, nowadays people (well let's face it mostly women) want to have a wedding. I'm not saying everyone but weddings costing a person's annual salary is not uncommon, these aren't rich people, they are incurring debt or not saving for a house deposit for the "wedding of their dreams" having watched too many tv shows, reading about celebrity weddings. The law changing to allow registrars to go to hotels etc changed things too.

Weddings were much simpler affairs in the past with church/village halls and rooms above pubs being the norm for a function following the service which had to be either a religious one or at the registry office until the 90's.

As long as people are happy then it doesn't matter however we notice (as I host weddings at my church of course) that the bigger the faff they make the more likely they are to split up sooner rather than later - that's 25 years of anecdotal evidence nothing else

Ha, ha - I think you are wrong. I think a lot of people who got married 30+ years ago were far wiser than a lot of people now, who as others have mentioned are far more focussed on the wedding than the actual marriage.

We could have had a more lavish wedding than we did, but we chose not to. Nothing to do with not having options, or not being able to afford it, we just didn't see the sense in wasting money on ONE DAY. I look at the extravagant self-indulgent weddings some people have now and shudder - and not with jealousy.

I also got married in 1990. No meringue, no bridesmaids, no morning suits, a small wedding, reception in a house owned by a catering company, no evening do and left for honeymoon from the reception. Ours too was a wonderful day.

Oh, and my MIL to be made my dress, and DH's gran made the cake.

I attended a wedding few days ago. A community center that was decorated very beautifully. Food was delicious. Guests not so nice. I heard few people saying, if you gonna have a wedding why not do it properly at a hotel? I think people were jealous at the amount of money they were going to save.

I was impressed as it felt like a real wedding, with young children being invited. I didn't like the hours, as it started really early and finished at 8pm. I had to take a day off from work. A random week day in July.

I’m only in my 30’s so definitely not a married 30plus years and jealous.

It just seems bonkers to blow as many have said a whole years salary on one day. How many people genuinely go though their wedding albums regularly or watch their wedding videos. How many times can the same hotel dressed up really not just be the same as the old community centre or pub but only now it costs tens of thousands rather than a few hundred.

The last two weddings I went to where at the exact same hotel, tables set in the same style. Only difference was the colour scheme. Both had twee little givings with the names of the bride and groom and date of the wedding as keep sakes, like anyone really actually cares that deeply apart from them. Bubbles for children to blow, love hearts with again names and date. Everyone had roast chicken, fruit or brownie for pudding. Late night buffet was bacon rolls as per the previous wedding. Cash in cards as gifts.

So the only difference was the guests and colours pretty much. But they all dropped over 30k for it.

This.

My mum and dad were married in the local church and had the reception in the hall across the road from it. The buffet was done by a friend I think.

We went through all sorts of scenarios, some of which got sacked off as too stressfull, too expensive, too many people, in the end we ended up getting marriedinthe local registry office, had immediate friends and family and had the reception in a pub with a bbq. We used the premier inn/travel lodge nearest the pub. Whole thing came in at about 6k.

I think modern weddings are overpriced and overblown, and all about the social media and status.

Money was tight and I could have the choir or the bells. I chose the choir!

We were married in 1989. Money was tight. We thought we were paying for all of the wedding ourselves but in the end my inlaws paid for the reception as by then we had already bought our flat so that was instead of a wedding present.
We had a lodger in the run up to the wedding whose money paid for the photographer.
The church flower ladies decorated the church. The cost was £30 but there were 3 weddings that day so £10 per couple. The order of service was just an A4 piece of paper in black and white, with a lovely picture of the church on the front, provided by the church for a small cost.
My future SIL made my dress and dresses for my bridesmaids.
I could have the bells or the choir because they both added to the cost. I chose the choir, and was really glad I had, but really wished I could have had the bells too!

People can do what they want, obviously, but I much prefer the old-fashioned way of having a modestly priced celebration with close friends/family and saving the money for starting your life together. I'm not a big party person, anyway, so it's easy for me to say, but I genuinely think many people today focus more on achieving the 'perfect' wedding than on being certain they're marrying the right person. There are many other things I'd rather spend money on than hosting an expensive party.

We had a ‘destination wedding’ in 1999. Wasn’t called that then though 😂 It was in Mexico with a total of 10 attendees. The wedding part of the holiday cost £500, the total was £10000 which was for bride & groom to stay for 2 weeks in 5* AI & both sets of parents for 1 week in same hotel ! My brother & gf ( now wife ) paid to come along too for a week and we met a couple there who also attended. Very low key and I was deffo no Bridezilla didn’t even have a bridesmaid!

Weddings now are out of control & I have 3 kids 21 & 19 yrs old so wonder what it will be like if they get married !

Agree they were common in 1996 when we bought our first home! We had saved for a deposit & one mortgage adviser told us to take 100% and use the deposit for furniture etc! We didn’t we paid 5% deposit & bought furniture as and when wr could afford something !

Exactly. But according to many on here that didn't happen 🤣

Yip ! An inflation calculator says £10000 in 1999 ( our wedding cost) would be £18582.15! less than double!

My DS and his fiancé had started booking their wedding for next year and had got up to nearly 20k before booking the honeymoon and they weren't even being that extravagant (winter wedding as it's cheaper than a summer date, venue was attached to an outdoor learning centre and was considerably cheaper than others in the area). Fiancé came home from work one day and burst in to tears and said she didn't want to spend all that money on a wedding. So they aren't! They've booked the local registry office for the ceremony, the local hotel for the wedding breakfast and the evening do is a party in their favourite bar. Fiancé found a dress online for £80 and everyone's mucking on and making decorations etc. They're spending the wedding budget on an epic 4 week honeymoon taking in Tokyo, Singapore, Vietnam, The Maldives and Abu Dhabi for the Grand Prix. I am SO happy for them.

We got married in 1991. We had a great day. It wasn’t expensive - less than £2k between us and my parents. Church was free (as regular worshippers there) - not very photogenic but it was “our” church. Sit down roast dinner for 40. Disco for 120 ish in the evening. We bought everyone a drink but after that it was buy your own (normal amongst our friends & family back then). Children welcome and added to the fun family event it was. I loved my dress but it was low cost as bought in a sale and altered to fit by family member. Plain veil which I then embellished by hand. Family member had a “posh” car in place of a limousine. Honeymoon three nights in Somerset.
It wouldn’t have looked good on the pages of Hello magazine but we had a good time, friends and family had a good time, we got married and are still married and happy.

We’ve told our DCs to follow the family tradition and run away and get married (we did, and one set of GPs got married abroad with just their best friends, who also got married at the same time).

I got married in 2000 my wedding was a church followed by a function room and meal, evening do and buffet. We had photos, balloons and a video. It cost 6k. My hendo was a night round town.

I got married to my second husband 7 years ago. The hen was two nights away in uk. Plus a family meal. The wedding was in a hotel sit down meal and buffet but we also had extras like sweetie table, games , ice cream van . It also cost 6k, we saved on stuff like my dress was off rack, we got married in the week. Photographer just did a couple hours

Some weddings have far too many guests. If the couple doesn’t have a chat with all of the guests - then they invited too many guests!

How miffed would you be if you went a wedding and couple didn’t have chance to talk to you?

I've found this an interesting thread and agree that the wedding "industry" is completely overblown nowadays. I got married in 1991 and had a fairly big wedding organised and mostly paid for by my mum. Church followed by a hotel reception which went into the evening. It came to £6k. It was very much about extended family and her friends though - which probably took up three quarters of the 100 guests.
However, there were very few professional photos - I have 20 chosen from a selection of 30. No video except for one taken by a family friend. I did my own make up (didn't everyone back then?). There was no room in the 30 photos to have endless shots of the bridal party getting ready, which seems the norm now. My dress was nice, Ronald Joyce, and cost £250 but there were no fittings. I see Ronald Joyce are still going but dresses well into 4 figures now. Hen do was a Chinese meal for around 10 followed up by a brief foray into a nightclub - no pretend veils, L plates or the like.

I have no idea what any of my children will do when and if they get married but I would certainly not advocate a wedding like mine if the cost is now £30-£50k.