To think that wedding s never used to be such a ‘thing’?

[Serendipity12]

So I got married in the early 90s. We were basically students and had help from parents to afford the wedding, for which we were really grateful. At the time the wedding seemed fine, but looking back - and compared to how weddings are approached now - I’m amazed at how things seem to have changed - or were my standards just really low?!?! For instance, I had one of the first dresses I tried on and only had one fitting session and on the day realised it came with a hoop for under the skirt so I ended up looking like a meringue! In a baggy dress. The organist played the wrong piece of music going up the aisle (I didn’t want to say anything) and food was average, but everyone still had a good time. Looking back I do sort of feel regret but am I Aibu to think that at present the cost and effort and whole bridezilla destination wedding thing is just taking the pursuit of perfection a bit too far and that maybe comparison is just making me feel more regret than I need to?
YABU - your standards should have been higher for your own wedding
YANBU - weddings have become too much of a showcased thing in ore recent years
tempted to add a pic of the meringue but would be outing!!!

This post is ABOUT THE 90s, not the 70s or 80s. And I don't disagree about the negative equity. However, it was easier to get a mortgage IN THE 90s.

Oh yeah photographer wasn't cheap either but the photos were very good.

Husband was divorced so I couldn't have a church wedding. They don't do bells at registry offices.

We married in 96 and in 1994 the marriage act was amended to permit other venues to have a licence.

We looked at 2 decided against it. However it was possible then. Just not as many places you could do so.

I think you'll find WE have also been talking about the 80s... For example:

"100% mortgages were fairly uncommon even in the 1980s, although they definitely were available. I think the earnings to house price ratio was fairly similar for both properties we bought in the 1979s and 1980s as they are today. I often see people commenting on their mortgage repayments on Mumsnet, but back in around 1980 when we bought our second property, our mortgage cost us £600 per month, which was about 75% of our take home pay, and inbetween exchange and completion, our mortgage interest rate went up to 18%. It came back down reasonably quickly but stayed at 16% for a very long time. A single figure interest rate was something that people in my generation could only dream of."

@FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME - totally agree about 'lifestyle meth' and people having to do more to get the social media hit.

Madness.

My eyes were opened to today's excesses when we attended the wedding of one of our nephews, the first we had been to for ages. Big stately home type place for the venue, miles from where most people were coming from so guests had to fork out for not particularly cheap overnight accommodation. Loads of extras, e.g. free gifts at every table placement, an ice cream cart dispensing free ice creams, and more besides. It was all lovely, but these were two teachers starting out on life together and I couldn't help thinking how all that money could have gone to better use for them.

There was a different concept of guest invites also. Wedding breakfast - family and closest friends. Evening reception (if you had one) - work colleagues, wider friends (eg, sports clubs friends), neighbours etc

Yes, weddings were local in the past, always held in the bride or grooms home town or village.

DC recently married. He and his wife are childhood sweethearts and have been together since they were sixteen. We live 'up North.'
He had two weddings, one an intimate private affair with just six guests, followed by a long relaxing meal in a great local hotel. It was a lovely day.
A few days later they had a fairly large 'wedding' at a country pile. It was stunningly beautiful. We contributed a few thousand, as did the bride and groom but her parents basically said the skies the limit. They wanted to give their only child, who is also an only grandchild the wedding of her dreams.
It took two years to plan and it was an amazing day but cost very nearly six figures. It was perfect, yet so was the simple wedding a few days earlier. The flower bill alone cost five times more than my wedding in the mid 90s.

I certainly don’t think having a destination wedding makes you a “bridezilla” (hate that term!)

The people I know who have had destination weddings have done so for very practical reasons. Usually it’s a full package deal so there’s very little stress with regard to planning, at a much cheaper cost than the equivalent in the UK. They tend to stay on in the same place for the honeymoon, and they know the second cousins (for example) who would only be coming for the free food probably won’t bother, so they’ll only have guests attending who they’re really close to - and they don’t have to worry about offending people by not inviting them. Honestly I can see why people do it!

But you’re right, the wedding industry has gone a bit bananas in the last 25 years. I think it’s lovely that you had a happy and low stress wedding, I hope you don’t have any real regrets. I’d rather have what you describe than not enjoy the day because I’m too worried about perfection.

I got married in 1995. Bog standard church plus hotel. I reckon it cost my parents 10k (although I’m not sure).

My niece is getting married next year and my sister has budgeted 50k, and the groom’s parents are paying some costs on top.

So, inflation or real terms wise, not much more?

Agreed. When we got to a point where it is acceptable for bride and groom to disappear for an hour or more from their own guest and celebrations for a photo shoot, we lost the plot.
And when we began to think it was acceptable to exclude young children and babes but still expect their parents to attend, we lost the plot.

And when brides started to expect it to be “the best day of their lives” they had clearly lost the plot. It’ll be one of many memorable days, but rarely ends up, at the late stages of your life, being the “best” day.

They weren’t the norm. A 10% deposit was normal.

And you can get 100% mortgages now.

Bloody hell. £10k then was a lot
mine cost around £4000 in 1990.

I think it's confirmation bias. Of course the photos that dominate instagram/social media are of fairly extravagent weddings.

And then it's also about what's normal in one's immediate circle of friends & family. Out of the weddings I have been to in recent years, none have been extravagant. Three were in a local church, a few outside on the beach (Scotland, so can choose any venue), one in parents' garden, and only one at a more traditional country house/hotel-venue. A few had a reception in a local hotel, the others in a village hall or buffet in a local pub. No/few bridesmaids and groomsmen, no luxury cars, about half of them no official photographer. Most did not post any photos on social media, or perhaps at most one or two, so anyone outside their immediate circle of friends or family would not even have known these weddings happened.

Yes, well, people move around much more these days. A home town might be miles from the others home town, which is miles again from where the couple live and work, which might be miles again from where they met and the extended families and friends probably live all over the place anyway.

Yes, weddings used to be far simpler. Weddings are now an industry.

The combination of the relaxation of laws about where you could have a ceremony plus the advent of social media, along with a competitive element of human nature, turned weddings into what can only be described in some cases as three ring circuses.

There has also been a sea change in people's vision of themselves and behaviour that is accepted - the suggestive posing and lip puckering that goes on nowadays would have been unthinkable in the days when exhibitions of vanity were frowned upon.

I'm sorry you have been comparing your wedding to modern nuptial events, OP, and thinking yours came up short. Are you still married? If you had a chance to do it over, would you really spend the money it takes to get a modern wedding show on the road?

The best wedding we went to was done on a shoestring - everyone loved the low key vibe and it meant so much more somehow. These identikit ‘big’ weddings that cost £25k+ are rarely as enjoyable in proportion to money spent on it.

Anyone else follow the Ambani wedding on Insta? Now that's extravagant! But India's richest family can afford it.

They were the norm in the 90s. And if you can still get them now they must be few and far between.

I married in the late 90’s. Cost was around 3k. We had a sit down meal for 50, evening buffet for 70 with disco. We had a friend do the photos, minimal flowers, no fancy cars, no wedding favours, only one bridesmaid and a best man- no grooms men. My gran made the cake.
it sounds sparse but it was lovely and we are still married. We just budgeted as we had very little money. Our parents offered to help. I do think most weddings are a lot more fancy but I only find it weird when people don’t have their own home and use what could be the deposit for a home on a wedding.

I was divorced and was allowed a church wedding

I know. I think he was frightened they’d disown him and he wouldn’t maintain a relationship with them and any possible grandchildren.

Sad and mad really.

According to the ONS, 3.5 to 4 times the average wage in 1997-2000. (I remembered because i bought a house in both those years)