Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

You don't find "Dad" adding her to the will after knowing her 6 months and hitting on his 23 year old Grandchild past the point of comfort remotely strange? 🤔

I find it very strange that a GF would announce such a thing to their GC at all, TBH. It's hearsay. And flirting is subjective. Would you honestly repeat all this to a police officer as though it was of sufficient significance to take up police time?

If someone is being shady, you wait and watch and catch them doing something a bit more concrete.

You could try calling age uk in your area for some advice

An early sign of cognitive decline is letting someone in who you hardly know.

You are right to be worried.

i'm not sure what to suggest but good luck

"I find it very strange that a GF would announce such a thing to their GC at all"

Exactly though @LiterallyOnFire , if GF is telling GC this stuff something seems a bit off, no? Normal boundaries seem to have completely gone out of the window and only OP will know if this is out of character. There is absolutley nothing wrong with investigating massive red flags, I'm sure the police are assertive enough to say "not our problem" if OP contacts them and they feel its a waste of time or too premature for them to be getting involved.

"Bit off" =/= "Massive red flags".

I just find it weird that she wants to spend to so much time with a (lovely, but fairly dull, and rather deaf) old lady!

LOL this reminds me of a friend of mine who finds her uncle really hard work, she finds him dull and annoying.

I OTOH find him really interesting and entertaining. He's well read, well informed about politics and although he's got a bit of a yen for conspiracy theories, he's overall a sensible man with whom I enjoy spending time. But he's interested in stuff that she finds dull.

As she lives miles away I make time to go and see him regularly and I always enjoy our little outings. She thanks me for going to see him as though I've undertaken an irksome duty, which is how she regards visiting him. Whereas I consider it fun and TBH I would go and see him more often but I am conscious that the family (and possibly he) might start thinking I've got dodgy motives.

Irrelevant to this thread as I largely agree with what most people have said, that this situation raises red flags and the OP does need to take some action on it (having read all the suggestions I still don't know what), but I just wanted to point out that sometimes people outside our familly see our relatives very differently from how we see them.

it was a fake thread, isnt it. Where is the poster gone?

A "dull deaf old lady' who regularly does long distance runs & goes to the gym. Please give me half her fitness capacity 🤣as would many half her age wish for. I now think this thread is fake 🤦‍♀️

You're right to be suspicious! Do your parents have a nice house and some obvious money? I'd be watching for them changing wills etc if I were you

That's two different posts you're confusing there.
OP's parents are fit and healthy, a different poster posted about her aunt (possibly?) Who she called a dull, deaf, old lady.

Sorry, missed that but regardless calling anyone a dull deaf old lady is simply ageist. I think I'm too used to reading posts which depict 60 year olds as past their best. In the vast majority of cases there is nothing further from the truth. Think Kylie Minogue in her late 50s approaching 60. An extremely vibrant healthy & sexy lady who looks after herself & presents better than many women half her age. We should stop being ageist & just treat everyone as individuals,some fitter than others at all ages.

Would check 'Tracy" out with the police see if she is known to them. I would definitely keep a close eye on the situation and request that she does not call your parents Mum and Dad but either by their names or as Mr or Mrs surname. My MIL had a cleaning lady who used lockdown to Inveigle herself into her life. Had MIL bank card and pin. Told MIL that she was the only one who cared about her and started calling her mum. By the time we were able to visit mum the cleaner had managed to steal £30k out of her account. MIL insisted she trusted her until we got copies of her bank account. The cleaner had been taking MIL post. So start checking now Tracy definitely sounds like a con woman.

As someone whose elderly relative gave power of attorney to their ex neighbour who now primarily lives in Spain, who has since written the family out of her will (although we all remain on good terms), I would be very wary of this. It's difficult if your parents are in good mental and physical health (ie they have capacity to make their own decisions and are doing so of their own free will), but you could check out adult safeguarding options in your area (council/social services) or talk to citizens advice. Good luck.

She sounds like a cuckoo someone who inserts thereselves into a family they deem to be beneficial too them. They try to push out the true family members to gain favour and dominance. Its usually for some type of gain ie financial or will based.

Maybe call AgeUK for some advice? They must be able to help as this sounds like it could potential be very worrying.

Massive red flags!!! And it's not like me to say that because I hate that saying!

Really? I arranged POA in my mid sixties. Both my sons are attorneys. You have to be of sound mind to set it up (otherwise it's a lot more complicated). It's there when it's needed (which I hope won't be for a long time). If I had still been married I might not have - as your spouse is your NOK so it's not as critical.

My parents did not have POA and resisted setting it up even in their 80s which I thought was OK as they still had each other, but it did cause us some problems in the later years.

The posters recommending it (or strongly against) are thinking it will give OP control over their parents finances now though.

It doesn't though does it - not unless you activate it? I trust my sons implicitly but I can still manage my own finances. However if I still had capacity but couldn't get out and about easily, I might activate if for my convenience. (This is the financial POA of course, you can't activate the health one unless the person does not have capacity.)

I recommend it all the time for everyone as it’s so important, but did say in a previous post that I don’t think it’s really relevant to the situation in question.
But in general it’s something that a lot of people don’t understand. Nobody knows what’s around the corner and I think a lot of people just assume that their partner or family could make decisions for them.

Goodness, how bizarre-I’d feel exactly like you!

You’re right to be suspicious and I’m glad you are closely monitoring the situation. My Uncle who was estranged from our family became mentally ill and my Mum (it’s her brother) became involved in helping him despite not seeing him for years. He has money saved up and he’d given his bank cards to a ‘nice couple’ who were helping him with day to day tasks. They were stealing money from him and their level of ‘help’ was not the full time caring situation they tried to paint it as. They were taking money for expenses that couldn’t be explained and it all got nasty when my Mum got involved as they accused her of only turning up to try and get his money for herself since they’d not spoken for years. She had a real job on her hands to extricate him from them and he’s in full time residential care now so there will be no money left anyway. I know it’s not the same situation but you need to ensure she doesn’t get any legal right to anything that could leave your parents in a vulnerable position.

It's interesting the OP has not been back to the thread. To me it sounded like the OP was fishing for other people's stories so I gave only very scant details of what happened to my own mother. I do wonder at the motivation for the thread.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love mumsnet sometimes..... i really do. I am hearing this said in Victoria Wood's voice!

OP, tread very carefully here.

Once she is in the will, your parents could be at risk.

Yes, this !! Your parents are only in their 60s... she'd be waiting 20 years or so to benefit from their will...it's odd she'd befriend such a 'young' couple rather than older and frail. That's another reason it's odd they'd include her after only 6 months. What's your sister's take on it ??

This all seems odd to me.... not quite grasping if it's real or not.