Normally I agree with your posts and I genuinely think your contributions are thoughtful and always add to a conversation.
I think however unless you are from a minority community (I have no idea if you are) you really aren’t always aware of the level of pervasiveness of male control and violence that is hushed up. I reflected on my previous post about my muslim friends being physically abused by male relatives and had to also add hindu and sikh friends to my recollections who were also routinely slapped for breaking rules.
It is very difficult for women from minorities to admit this and no-one really wants to acknowledge it properly because theres a chance of stigmatising entire communities. But the level of control exerted on daughters and wives and daughter in laws for that matter is sometimes shocking. I don’t believe that is the majority of families now by the way, it’s really important to emphasise that. But in the past the priority was definitely the males in their families, male honour, male control. I came from a very liberal family so I never suffered from this but a lot of girls I grew up with did and I know women in previous generations did. I don’t believe that men raised in that environment have just dropped the behaviour all of a sudden. The honour aspect is the most insidious, it’s often said in a way which sounds like a compliment to daughters “you are our families honour” but is actually really horrifying, a daughters actions can dishonour your entire family. Your sons don’t, so you need to really watch that girl, not a step wrong.
I remember a “Goodness Gracious Me” skit about a woman trying to go to a domestic violence shelter and being told “oh well it’s just your culture isn’t it.” It was calling out well meaning people who just didn’t want to see it.
I feel like when we just say it’s male violence we ignore the context of that violence and the secrecy surrounding it in an effort to not make people look bad, not to let the racists win. But if someone’s cultural norms actively harms women and girls in a way that is accepted within their community (and I don’t necessarily mean endorsed, but that no-one will dob them in or provide supporting statements, or shelter or any kind of help for a victim incase they themselves are shunned by the community) we should be able to name that.
I doubt that this was the first time that man was violent to that child, the culture of secrecy started immediately. It bothers people like me because I’ve seen it in action and I see quickly people can gloss over crimes against brown women and girls, especially the people from their own community. It leaves men free to carry on abusing and it makes me fucking furious,