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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New guy messaged my friend

95 replies

pheobepickle · 23/07/2024 15:28

I've recently started texting a guy I met through social media, we've been speaking for a couple of a weeks and so far he seems lovely. We've not yet met up as both been busy with work etc, but we've arranged to meet up this weekend. I have spoke about him to one of my close friends, and today she decides to tell me he messaged her a year ago on facebook saying how stunning she is, she hadn't replied to him.

We've planned to meet this weekend and now I'm starting to feel a bit put off by the idea. Aibu?

OP posts:

TamingofShrews · 23/07/2024 15:30

Tbf it’s been a year but I get it. I’d question the friends intention though? Like why tell you, what’s the point in that?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 23/07/2024 15:33

That was a year ago tho - presumably he was single then and so was she? Why is she telling you - it’s her I would question….. not him.

Original poster

pheobepickle · 23/07/2024 15:34

TamingofShrews · 23/07/2024 15:30

Tbf it’s been a year but I get it. I’d question the friends intention though? Like why tell you, what’s the point in that?

Exactly what I was thinking? I even said I wish you hadn't of told me that. And she said well I thought I'd tell you incase you found out and you'd only ask me why I didn't tell you?

But what's there to tell if she didn't even have a conversation with him.

OP posts:

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 15:36

so he messaged her a year ago..... and they didn't meet up? why did she even tell you??

not that it matters... it was a year ago?

Original poster

pheobepickle · 23/07/2024 15:37

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 15:36

so he messaged her a year ago..... and they didn't meet up? why did she even tell you??

not that it matters... it was a year ago?

I know! I wish she hadn't of said. I've been single a while and he's the first person I've spoken to that I actually thought I could get on with. Now I feel a bit of a nob!

OP posts:

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 15:39

pheobepickle · 23/07/2024 15:37

I know! I wish she hadn't of said. I've been single a while and he's the first person I've spoken to that I actually thought I could get on with. Now I feel a bit of a nob!

Show quote history

why do you feel a knob? i'm really confused. it was a year ago! they didn't date i assume as she never messaged him back.

you get on with him and have a date locked in...

Rickrolypoly · 23/07/2024 15:41

So does this guy just message random women on SM hoping for a response?

rainydaysaway · 23/07/2024 15:43

Rickrolypoly · 23/07/2024 15:41

So does this guy just message random women on SM hoping for a response?

This was my reaction too. I would be put off any man who messages random women telling them they’re stunning. Reeks of desperation and laziness.

ToofHurty · 23/07/2024 15:46

I absolutely would tell a friend about this.

He sends unsolicited messages to random women on social media telling them they're stunning, one of those women being the OP's friend.

Is that how you met him too OP?

I think I'd quite like to know if a potential boyfriend had tried to hook up with one of my friends even if it was a year ago.

SayTheWeirdThing · 23/07/2024 15:47

If you got together and 2 years in he told you he'd messaged her and she never told you, you might find that weird then too and be annoyed at her for not saying anything. I understand her telling you, she's just trying to be a good friend. What would you do if the situation were reversed. Clearly he thinks you're pretty too or he wouldn't go on a date. I don't really get why you're bothered.

I'd find the fact he casts a wide messaging net on SM a bit grim, but each to their own.

SayTheWeirdThing · 23/07/2024 15:48

Was his first message to you about how stunning you are by any chance? I'd bet there's many women with that message in their inbox.

Eviebeans · 23/07/2024 15:51

Are you absolutely positive that this happened

Acornsoup · 23/07/2024 15:51

I think your friend is right. If you found out later - I don't know how you would - but you would ask why she didn't tell you. At least you know where you stand. It's in the past - he's entitled to a past. Even if something had happened - so what. Try to go with an open mind and see what happens :)

BigPussyEnergy · 23/07/2024 15:57

Did you think you’re the only woman he’s ever fancied or sent a message to? If not then why is this an issue?

Planesmistakenforstars · 23/07/2024 16:10

Did he message both you and your friend as random strangers on FB trying his luck? That would be off putting to me, but if that's how you got chatting then you're presumably okay with this approach in principle. In which case the fact he's messaged other random women in your area, including someone you happen to be friend's with, shouldn't really be surprising. I get why it bothers you though. Are you put off because you realise that he's probably got a scatter-gun approach to pick up women? Or specifically that he messaged your friend?

If he's met you and messaged her through FB dating that's a different thing entirely. He finds two women attractive who are putting themselves out there on a dating site. It would be odd to be put off by that imo.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/07/2024 16:12

rainydaysaway · 23/07/2024 15:43

This was my reaction too. I would be put off any man who messages random women telling them they’re stunning. Reeks of desperation and laziness.

Show quote history

All of this x1,000. What a pathetic bellend.

Ellie1015 · 23/07/2024 16:13

Of course still meet him if you like him, makes no difference that he messaged friend. Everyone has a past, and that is a very brief interaction. Your friend wasn't interested in him, just means she has different tastes, or wasn't looking to date at that point. It doesnt mean you shouldn't date him.

I would be a bit annoyed at friend for ruining my excitement my mentioning she turned him down. But I would not change my plans or feelings about him over it.

greenpolarbear · 23/07/2024 16:21

BigPussyEnergy · 23/07/2024 15:57

Did you think you’re the only woman he’s ever fancied or sent a message to? If not then why is this an issue?

because it could be an in-road to her friend who he may like more and he's just using her.

DatingDinosaur · 23/07/2024 16:32

Is he catfishing?

Does he know you and your friend are friends?

I'd be grateful to my friend for telling me something like this and wary of him, particularly as you haven't met yet.

Who made first contact (between you and him) and why?

Datgal · 23/07/2024 16:45

Aquamarine1029 · 23/07/2024 16:12

All of this x1,000. What a pathetic bellend.

Show quote history

Exactly...say it how you see it! 😜
Is this just some random guy messaging anyone and everyone and just waiting to get a reply? Happens to my much younger colleague all the time.

Tagyoureit · 23/07/2024 16:50

A few things

Is your friend 100% sure it's the same guy?
Did he randomly message you and that's how you met? (If so, he's been doing this for year, he probably won't stop.)
Also, if your friend hadn't told you and the relationship progressed, I think you'd be annoyed she didn't tell you.

JMSA · 23/07/2024 16:54

Hmm, I don't know. It makes me think he's the type to randomly slide into attractive women's DMs. Like, a bit of a creep.
I hope I'm wrong. I'd probably meet anyway, to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I absolutely wouldn't blame you if this is giving you second thoughts.

FrancisSeaton · 23/07/2024 18:20

Seems as though he does it to everyone and I bet he's talking to many girls

GreyCarpet · 23/07/2024 18:26

If he randomly messaged your friend a year ago to tell her she was stunning, my first thought is, if you met him through SM how did that happen?

Was it a pure coincidence that you met that way or is he the sort of man who sends random women messages and you just happened to be one of the ones who replied?

If he messaged you the way he messaged her, I would not be giving him the benefit of the doubt and meeting him. He's a creep.

Pinkapie · 27/07/2024 06:45

GreyCarpet · 23/07/2024 18:26

If he randomly messaged your friend a year ago to tell her she was stunning, my first thought is, if you met him through SM how did that happen?

Was it a pure coincidence that you met that way or is he the sort of man who sends random women messages and you just happened to be one of the ones who replied?

If he messaged you the way he messaged her, I would not be giving him the benefit of the doubt and meeting him. He's a creep.

Exactly this! He sounds like a creep who is desperately messaging women. If you did end up on a relationship would you actually be able to trust him? I think your friend was kindly warning you before you meet up.

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