New guy messaged my friend

[pheobepickle]

I've recently started texting a guy I met through social media, we've been speaking for a couple of a weeks and so far he seems lovely. We've not yet met up as both been busy with work etc, but we've arranged to meet up this weekend. I have spoke about him to one of my close friends, and today she decides to tell me he messaged her a year ago on facebook saying how stunning she is, she hadn't replied to him.

We've planned to meet this weekend and now I'm starting to feel a bit put off by the idea. Aibu?

I don’t get the angst. He messaged her, she didn’t reply. He didn’t hassle her or stalk her. It really is no different to talking to someone in a club - the online pool is just bigger. My friend ended up married to someone I snogged one night at a disco. But if it has given you the ick just bin him off.

I honestly don’t see the issue. Unless you know he was married at the time he messaged your friend. If he was single it’s a complete non event.

I don’t understand the comments of why did she tell you. If she hadn’t the same posters would have been saying why didn’t she tell you. Always find a woman to attack right?

Ickkkkkkkkk ickkkkkk ickkkkkk

I wouldn't meet him

It’s a bit weird todo that tbh (to randomly tell somebody over Facebook they are beautiful). Be careful.

Heck, all that trouble for a date...forget it.

He probably only wants a shag

OP, did you reply and a message from a random man telling you you’re stunning? Because that’s quite sad. Why would you reply to that?

Just to be clear; you’re not special. He’ll send those messages to multiple women every day hoping someone will bite. And it’s only really the very lonely women who reply, and those are the sort of women who will put up with that behaviour.

Do better. Don’t be one of those women. Some random man from social media who sends unsolicited messages is not a man you want to get involved with. He’s got sleaze written all over him, he’ll be messaging loads of women… just walk away. Have some self respect. Maybe try therapy?

Or some sort of scammer/con man.

I too would be put off my a man messaging random women and telling them they are attractive.
It seems quite desperate.

However, it is a new age and doing this sort of thing is actually not that big of a deal.

Its no different to a man meeting a woman in a bar and telling her she is attractive/offering to buy her a drink and then a year later, doing it to another woman which happened to be the first woman’s friend.

I would feel uncomfortable that he fancied my friend first but I think you should try not to take it personally and meet up with him anyway to see how you feel.

Your friend was right to tell you, she sounds like a good friend.

I'd definitely tell a friend this, to warn her the guy messages lots of randoms on SM, which I would find grim, but if you don't mind then that's your perogative

This is what I was thinking too. He just messages random women telling them how attractive they are? Ew. Sleaze.

My close friend's now long-term partner sent me the most cringeworthy pick-up line on tinder about a year before they got together. I never replied. We still all laugh about it now. I don't think this would bother me at all--unfortunately it's just a reality of modern dating!

I'm stuck on "and today she decides to tell me he messaged her a year ago "

I hope you said "Ok" /side eyes

Yeah, I dont either. If she had said nothing and the two of you started dating and he told you later on then you'd say she was out of order for not mentioning it. The friend cant win here.

He sounds like a desperate creep to me, randomly messaging women he finds hot. I think you're one in a long line of women he's message on SM I'm afraid OP, the only difference is- you engaged in conversation with him.

Don’t let it put you off completely but just it’s useful to know. Take your time to get to know him, don’t rush into anything, you may find you get on. It’s only as a bloke who chats up everyone in a nightclub. Ok it’s a bit indiscriminate, but better someone who sets out and makes an effort than someone who stays single and doesn’t talk to anyone.

Creepy as fuck

Why would anyone go out with someone who randomly messages women he doesn't know (who aren't signed up to a dating site)

urgh- yuck. He's obviously messaged loads of women based solely on their appearance hoping that one will respond.

I dont know how you can find him attractive after this - its gross behaviour.

Your friend was absolutely right to tell you. What an absolute turn off

I was bit split on this one when I first read it.
However, the fact that you're put off meeting him, suggests the friend absolutely did the right thing in letting you know.

Playing devil's advocate, imagine you met, got along, started a relationship. Fast forward a few months/years, and it came out then. You would absolutely be furious with your friend for not telling you, I'm sure.

Perspective; it was a one-way message, presumably when he was single. Maybe it's worth just putting to the back of your mind, given that you seem to quite like him.

This. I regularly used to get men messaging me on Twitter about how beautiful I was and how they loved my smile. My profile picture was a dinosaur...

Just make absolute sure that this is a real guy, OP, and any HINT of him asking you for money, especially if you've never met, then you just nope out of there as fast as you can.

Maybe she mentioned it because it looks like he messages random stranger on social media.

If it's been a year and he's still messaging people - how many does message 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd be glad she told me.

Or constantly messaging random women and seeing who answers - he's obviously been doing it for at least a year.

Is he a Love rat? A con man after your cash? I wouldn't meet up with a guy who randomly messaged me, it would be madness.

The leaping to conclusions in this thread is world class.

FGS. The bloke is looking for sex/ romance. Over a year ago, long before you met. Presumably when he was single and you hadn't even met then. It's part of his past, and a coincidence..

I was dating in my 40s/50's. My friends and I would inevitably crossover the same pool of men. So what ? We all have history !!

I'd go see your date . See how it goes. See if it has legs.

Check with your friend it IS the guy who messaged her .

A few dates in, you could mention it...you'll never guess.. I was talking to my friend X and she says she thinks she knows you ? You messaged her about a year ago ?
The response he gives you will be an indicator of his mettle.