New guy messaged my friend

[pheobepickle]

I've recently started texting a guy I met through social media, we've been speaking for a couple of a weeks and so far he seems lovely. We've not yet met up as both been busy with work etc, but we've arranged to meet up this weekend. I have spoke about him to one of my close friends, and today she decides to tell me he messaged her a year ago on facebook saying how stunning she is, she hadn't replied to him.

We've planned to meet this weekend and now I'm starting to feel a bit put off by the idea. Aibu?

I agree with friend. You’d be peed off if 6 months down the line you find out she’d kept it from you. Equally everyone’s entitled to a past so I think it’s something you need to get over.

Your friend was trying to do the right thing and make sure everything was in the open. She's a good friend.

Yes and if she hadn't told you then you'd have come on here and asked why she'd kept it from you (lied to you) and is there a nefarious reason so she hasn't done anything wrong- she's been honest, wtf is wrong with that? It will also likely be quite awkward if you all meet up and she knows he's hit on her previously.

I'm guessing through your lack of replies in this thread he's struck up a conversation with you in the exact same manner - by randomly messaging you hoping you'll bite.

I am wondering why you seem so keen to blame your friend here rather than take a good look at his behaviour - sounds to me like he's going through her friends list and randomly messaging her friends with superficial compliments and hoping that one if them will take him up on his generous offer for a shag 😬

Yes, it was a year ago. I don’t see someone messaging someone in the past a big deal. I am more put off by the content. An initial message saying l am stunning would not attract me.

Because if she hadn't given you the courtesy of the truth, you'd have been on here in a few years time going 'I've only just discovered my boyfriend/partner/fiancé messaged my friend before me and she never told me!' In this situation, she's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

Also if I'm reading right, everyone was single back then, on dating aps, looking for something. Is that not the point of them? Nobody's done anything wrong.

Of course nobody’s done anything wrong! But the actual content of the message was a bit club pick up cringy!

You haven’t even met him IRL yet. I’d meet him and see how you get on.

Did he message her through Facebook dating, or did he just randomly message her? For me, that's the clincher. If it's thru a dating app, fine. If he's randomly messaging pretty women, that's weird and creepy and please if you must meet him, make sure it's in public 😶‍🌫️

He sounds desperate
Your friend was being a friend

I wouldn’t let it bother me. Nothing happened so just go on your date and see how it goes

He sounds desperate? The OP replied to some random man on social media. SHE sounds desperate.

I don’t know how old you are but people do meet on socials now. I know plenty of people in their 20’s and 30’s that don’t consider it any weirder than a pick up in a bar.

I would rather eat raw nettles but I’m in my late 40’s.

Did he randomly message you on SM? Do you feel stupid because your friend ignored the message, but you replied?

If the subject had come up with this chap she would have been in a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation. It don’t see that it makes any difference if they didn’t meet up.

I am assuming you only have her word for it that it is this guy who texted her to say she looked stunning. Any possibility that she may be a tad jealous?
I'd go on the date as arranged. What have you go to lose?

I can see why your friend told you, imagine you all go out for a night out and he says do I know you from somewhere? Your friend says oh yeah you messaged me on Facebook before you were with Pheobe, then you question why she never told you makes you doubt what happened between them and why she never told you at the start.
she could also be trying to say be careful without wanting to seem like she is interfering and just hoping that you go in with your eyes wide open looking at everything not wearing rose tinted glasses and on the lookout for red flags.

How do you even meet someone on social media?
hang on, did he just message you just like he messaged your friend?
that would give me the ick a bit

Are you sure she's not the sort of friend that would tell you that as a way of trying to put you down, almost like 'he told me I was beautiful before he even noticed you'? Has she now found a partner, if not, I'd be worried that this could be her motive OP.

When I was single and used to get messages like this I’d immediately block because I think it’s weird to send a random message like this and not how, I, personally, would want to meet someone. It’s just smacks of a horny desperado sending out multiple messages to lots of women hoping that one will ‘bite’.

So I think your friend was absolutely right. Furthermore, if someone is really interested they won’t wait two weeks to meet you, irrespective of what’s going on in their work life etc.

Id be giving this one a wide berth because he sends creepy messages to randomers and because he hasn’t bothered and would prefer to chat online. Hard pass from me.

Thought this too. Red flags for me. Social media.. messages women he doesn’t know..
don’t do it op.