Struggle to relate to very rich friends

[Elizo]

So I am fortunate enough to not be especially hard-up, but am a public sector worker, bought my house when prices were cheaper. Good at watching money and have never had much disposable but that doesn't really bother me. We were fairly short of money as children and I am naturally very careful with money. Not to the point where I can't enjoy life, but I think about how I can't go out for too many meals etc. I know I am much luckier than most.

I have two friends who are v wealthy. Private schools, extremely expensive holidays, several houses in v expensive locations, domestic help at home - money is no object. I like them both but I feel like it is a barrier to being close. They also seem to forget that for most of us money is a barrier. I've had comments about would my children go to uni overseas, well no because the flights alone multiple times a year would be too much, let alone fees without a loan. I went to one of their parties recently and I left before the end because the boarding school, holiday, ski etc chat got too much. At one point they were laughing about how awful it would be to go to Centre Parcs. Er you should be lucky you can afford it. I have got more brazen about just saying, no, that isn't something that would be financially viable for us

YANBU - it's hard to be close to people who have a hugely different financial situation

YABU - who cares, it's doesn't matter

Fair points,

This is a really interesting post. I’m the same, live in an expensive area and whilst my husband and I earn higher than average salaries we are skint in comparison to many others who live in the local area. I do find it difficult if I’m being honest having friends with lots more money, and it’s very difficult for teenagers to understand why we have never been on a skiing holiday for example although their friends go every year and sometimes more than once. Now that my kids are older and we’ve known some of the wealthy parents for a long time some of the ‘barriers’ have been broken but we just don’t get invited along to a lot of things. But I think we’ve all worked out that it makes them uncomfortable and us too. We all chat though if we see each other in the street/pub, we’re just not in the same gang. What is nice is the next generation down are not as hung up on it all as the parents are but maybe it’s like that when you are young. Having said all that living in an affluent area has definitely helped my kids and given them more opportunities. Many of their friends have wealthy parents and have invited my kids to sleepovers, amazing parties and holidays etc so parents are not saying to their kids you can’t be friends with them as they are not rich. It’s just us adults that have the problem!

Now why would you assume such a thing? I'd have thought that wealthy people would be prime candidates to use anonymous chat forums. They can safely have discussions without the risk of being identified. Isn't that one of the reasons we are all here? I find it tiring that posters like you on mumsnet are quick to discount anyone who isn't on the breadline. Sure there are fake wealthy posters but of course there are also genuine wealthy ones. Give yourself a break from troll hunting.

I identify with this. My family are very northern working class but at uni and in my careeer I’ve made friends with some insanely well off people. My husband is same as me - working class but well educated. We’ve done fine. I occasionally feel like a Jane Austen governess or something but then give my head a wobble and think what DH and I have achieved and how lucky we are to have come so far. We have access to worlds we never would have had in our families of origin. Our families still have traditional working class jobs or are on benefits and consider us mega-rich, which is not true. We never pretend to be anything other than we are but we don’t make a meal out of it either. I don’t look down on my working class family, they don’t resent me. I don’t resent my rich friends, and I’ve never had reason to think they look down on me. I think Eleanor Roosevelt said something like: ‘No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission’