Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have a favourite child?

126 replies

CobaltQueen · 22/07/2024 21:30

I do wonder whether anyone will answer this honestly.
As the scapegoat and the least favoured by my mother, I am interested to read the responses.

OP posts:
Testina · 22/07/2024 22:20

My parents had 2 favourites from 6, and it was blindingly obvious. I’m one of the 4 un-chosen ones, and generally the bottom of those.

Recently 1 favourite and 3 also rans were away for a long weekend. My mother transferred £60 to one of the also rans who is slightly more in favour currently, and asked her to split it between A, B and C. I am D. It’s not grandchild related or income related. I’m just the black sheep 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other 3 just said, “we’re sorry, we don’t know why you’ve always had this” - most apologetic was the favourite.

It’s pathetic. She died not long after, and I didn’t go to the funeral. She wasn’t worth the petrol money.

justjuggling · 22/07/2024 22:25

One of mine is easy going, helpful, chatty, we share commmon interests. The other is very challenging to parent, argumentative, sulky, obstinate. I love both but much prefer the company of the former.

middleagedandinarage · 22/07/2024 22:26

I don't, enjoy them for different reasons and at different times depending on my mood and their behaviour. They are still small, 5 and 2. I do worry that I take youngest's side more and make it look like she's favourite but I hope that goes as they get older, she still just feels like my baby and like she needs me I'm her corner compared to dd1, I really try not too. I was eldest of 3 (definitely not favourite) and remeber feeling like I always got the blame for everything when it was usually my brother, it's not nice.

Aproductofmyera80s · 22/07/2024 22:26

This is always a very perceptive question… you ask my siblings they will tell you I’m the favourite but I say my brother is. With my dc, I don’t have an absolute favourite, my choice depends on the day and how my child acts. You ask them and they will say the other is my favourite, they both get treated the same, thier is an 5 year age gap so dd11 often thinks I let ds16 away with more but I explain that he’s older and when she gets to 16 she will have the same rules etc.

BubbaGG · 22/07/2024 22:26

Yes, a few!

Brexile · 22/07/2024 22:28

You need to stop seeing your DM at Christmas and go low contact. Speaking from experience.

I think my favourite child will be whichever one moves out first, lol. I'm peri and my tolerance for teenage dramatics is at an all-time low. DS is probably the easiest and nicest one at the moment, but then he's 23.

Soitis83 · 22/07/2024 22:29

I have three and my God am I just obsessed with them all equally. But, my dad does. My oldest brother is the clear favourite. Me next, then my sister then my poor brother who gets all his negativity.

Pipecleanerrevival · 22/07/2024 22:29

I have a favourite boy and a favourite girl. Thankfully I only have one of each.

But it is very clear that some parents prefer or scapegoat one child.

Wineatfiveisfine · 22/07/2024 22:30

I don’t - but my parents have always favoured my sibling, despite me being the one that is always there for them, emotionally and financially.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 22/07/2024 22:32

Does it have to be one of my own children?
😀

DoAClassicCamel · 22/07/2024 22:34

My DD says that DS is my favourite and my DS says that DD is my favourite.
I tell them that their dad (DH) is my favourite.
In reality they are both my favourites but for different reasons.

StrandedStarfish · 22/07/2024 22:38

I prefer our dog to both kids

AlisonWonderbra · 22/07/2024 22:40

No, but mine are fifteen years apart so not really comparable.

I overheard my parents talking about how they preferred my brother. I haven't ever really recovered from that.

Fetafiend · 22/07/2024 22:51

I treat mine equally and always strive to. I’m very conscious to never favour one. I come from a family where there was one favourite and others in various descending orders. Not something I want to hurt my kids with

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 22/07/2024 22:51

I find it interesting that the question is "do you have a favorite" and how many people responded with "no, i love them all the same". The question was not if you loved any of them more. You can love them all the same, but still prefer one's company over the others.

marshmallowboy · 22/07/2024 22:56

I have 4 children ( well 3 are adults now) and they all think one of the others is the favourite if this type of conversation comes up. Said in a jokey way, but they each pick a different one. I'm taking that as a win. No favourites here. Definitely one much harder to parent who almost drove me mad , but one thinks that child is the favourite! If I did, which I don't, it obviously isn't clear even to them , so parented equally lovingly.

hulahooper2 · 22/07/2024 23:04

one of mine has been a joy since birth , the other one was very hard work till mid teens , loved them
both but most of the time I didn’t like the 2nd , however they changed into a lovely adult and both are just wonderful

BowlOfNoodles · 22/07/2024 23:06

Whoever was better behaved that day lol

TheM55 · 22/07/2024 23:10

First of all @CobaltQueen I am sorry and I feel sad for you, no child should ever feel that they not equal. I suspect I am the favourite child of my dad (female), and my sister is the favourite child of my mum. - just having more in common. We were treated absolutely equally, and have been given opportunities and money equally. It was never made obvious. I have four children and I love them equally, and always will. All given exactly the same opportunities. I get on with one or another better at certain times, and have to help one or another more at certain times (which leads to accusations by the others, particularly DC3 that "Mum is sorting out DC4 again, yet I have done nothing wrong, so where is my reward?"). It is a really difficult path to tread. I am probably closest to one - DC2, that shares my views on life and is really easy to travel with, and therefore has had more trips away for free, I have given more time sorting DC1 and DC4 because they were not as well equipped for life and have made some bad choices. DC3 has a good point to feel miffed at times, being a very self-sufficient middle child. Oddly, of all of them, DC3 is the most like me at a similar age, and I often say to others "an absolute pleasure, not a single issue to be dealt with there" but of course, she never hears this, and does not understand how much I love her - as much, and equally, to her more worrisome siblings, even if I tell her, she won't have it.

watchuswreckthemic · 22/07/2024 23:10

We have a family joke that even my kids are on that gave my brother the nickname 'GC'- the golden child.
He has a very different relationship with my mum that I do, but it's just that- different. They engage in different ways and that's totally good and fine.
I genuinely haven't met anyone who truly has a favourite child- just periods where they bond with one in a different way to the other.

MadameMassiveSalad · 22/07/2024 23:14

I love both DSs equally.
But they do like to accuse me of loving one another more/ less.

I honestly can't explain quite how much I completely adore the pair of them 🤷🏻‍♀️

VikingLady · 22/07/2024 23:15

I used to. My eldest at first, because she was already centre of my life and she needed me so much. She was much higher needs than my second.

It swung the other way when she went through a nightmare stage.

Now I love them equally, like them equally. They're so totally different in almost every way that they're both great company for different things.

But my parents so clearly favoured my brother that other people remarked on it, and I desperately didn't want my kids to have that. I felt so guilty. I'm so glad it's no longer a concern.

ForestForever · 22/07/2024 23:16

Im really sorry to read this OP. I hope what you can take from this thread is that normal, every day people who have zero personality issues don’t have favourites or use their children adult or otherwise as pawns to make themselves feel better about their sad, miserable lives.

Regardless of who is the favourite your mum is just a shit one to all of you and will do nothing but damage every single one of you mentally in their own way. It’s important to remember that her actions are a direct reflection of her dysfunction and hers alone and has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. Only a weak, emotionally stunted individual would claim otherwise.

There have always been people on this earth that weren’t suitable or cut out to be parents and these people behave just like your mother. Be kind to yourself because you deserve to be.

JennyBeanR · 22/07/2024 23:19

The parent is unlikely to ever admit this. I've honestly never met anyone with more than 1 child who doesn't have an obvious favorite.

I'm sure if I had more than 1 I would too. This doesn't mean the love is more (although it can be).

TruJay · 22/07/2024 23:19

Absolutely not. I adore each of mine.

My husband is certainly the least favourite of his siblings though which became even more glaringly obvious when grandchildren arrived which has been awful. Ours are completely ignored in comparison to the others.

I’ve found it so difficult as I have never experienced this dynamic with my own parent and siblings, it’s absolutely awful.
If my mum has a favourite, we don’t know who it is.