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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have a favourite child?

126 replies

CobaltQueen · 22/07/2024 21:30

I do wonder whether anyone will answer this honestly.
As the scapegoat and the least favoured by my mother, I am interested to read the responses.

OP posts:
whatevss · 22/07/2024 21:49

No favourites here. I have three and couldn't love any one of them more than I do.

TheresMillionsSaidGeoffrey · 22/07/2024 21:49

I would die for them. I told them not to worry about the order I'd be strapping their life jackets on.

Songbird54321 · 22/07/2024 21:49

I don't know if favourite is the right word but depending on the day, how they behave, and how exhausted I am, I might prefer the one who is easiest at that time. They take it in turns though, it's not like it's the same one all the time and often, they both irritate me just the same. I wouldn't go above and beyond for one and not the other, I would give my life for either of them and if one feels left out I feel massive mum guilt. I guess I love them equally and, (sorry if this makes me an arsehole), dislike them equally across any given week.

Hollowvoice · 22/07/2024 21:49

Depends on the day 😂
Seriously, no, but they both think the other is my favourite. I figure that probably means it's actually balanced?

Wonkywinky · 22/07/2024 21:50

I have three children and no I don't have a favourite
They are all different and I love lots of traits and parts of their personalities.
And I don't like a few parts of them but they are mine and no favourite

ShinyPrettyThings87 · 22/07/2024 21:52

When I'm sad or worried about something, my eldest is my favourite as he's amazingly compassionate and level headed. My youngest is my favourite to chill with, talk about his gaming and his social life etc. But 100% will always be treated the same. I adore them both beyond words. They just have different qualities which I love.

My mum has always showed favouritism towards two of my siblings. My father has always showed favouritism to the youngest. It's sick to make a child feel less valued than a sibling. I'm always hyper aware to make sure mine know I think they're the best people in my life. I won't even get a takeaway/treat when one is away without making sure the one away gets one when they're back home.

So sorry you're going through this situation. It's beyond words how incomprehensible it is for a parent to be like that.

Alarae · 22/07/2024 21:53

By default, as I only have DD.

My sisters would probably say I was the favourite growing up, and looking back, I wouldn't disagree. My mum would always buy us stuff, but she always seemed to splurge a bit more on me, especially when I was younger with my clothing. When I got older, this tailed off so it was more fair, but she would often get me books when I asked for them (as she liked to encourage it).

Perhaps it's because I was an 'easier' child by my mums words? Definitely when we got older my older sisters were definitely the ones to get into trouble with school (nothing major, just your general popular crowd rowdiness) whereas I was more reserved and studious.

Nowadays, I think my mum is happier when I visit but I think a lot of that is because I've moved away whereas my sisters are still in the same area as my mum, so she sees them more often. She will often go all out and cook for them when I'm not around, and also for me when I visit, so I don't think she has a favourite anymore. To be honest, I think her favourite now tends to be whoever is the youngest grandchild as she loves infants!

Dr13Hadley · 22/07/2024 21:54

I have two kids and each think the other is the favourite 🤣 I can honestly say I love and like them both completely equally for different reasons as they're very different personalities.

I have periods where I get on better with one more than the other because of whatever phase they're going through at the time but I always try and treat them equally.

It's the same as when they go through phases themselves of favouring their dad over me and vice versa for all sorts of reasons.

Timeforanewnam · 22/07/2024 21:55

I tell my children that I dislike them equally whenever they ask .

it is however a joke and they are equal

Dr13Hadley · 22/07/2024 21:55

C0rdeliaChase · 22/07/2024 21:38

I always say the dog is my favourite child. (Before anyone flames me, I AM joking)!

If my kids ask I tell them the cat is my favourite 🤣

LocalHobo · 22/07/2024 21:56

I find one of mine far more challenging than the others but I also acknowledge that she is successful,intelligent and compassionate and I know I have done an amazing job in raising her. The others are easier to spend time with, their views align more with mine.
I can't say I have a favourite though.

PeloMom · 22/07/2024 21:57

Yes! But I only have one. He’s my favourite. I don’t think I can love another one the same so sticking with one.

NannyGythaOgg · 22/07/2024 21:57

CobaltQueen · 22/07/2024 21:30

I do wonder whether anyone will answer this honestly.
As the scapegoat and the least favoured by my mother, I am interested to read the responses.

Nearly all parents will say that they don't. Most children will say that their parents do.
Clearly some parents do more than others - and make it very obvious.

The only family I know where there is a clear favourite (both kids now adults). The favourite child was expected to be perfect. Was not allowed to get dirty, choose what they wore or ate and was totally expected to agree with mum at all times.
The unfavourite was pretty much allowed to do what she wanted, because ... meh. 'She's just like her father'

Not always comfortable being the 'golden' child

JaggySplinter · 22/07/2024 21:58

Yes, absolutely. It's not always the same child though. I'm very clear with my children that I love them all equally, but that doesn't mean I always like them all equally.

Of course I prefer the company of a one child over another at certain time. Mine are teens, and they can be very hurtful and unpleasant sometimes, as well as wonderful, helpful loving and caring. It's perfectly natural to prefer the one (or two or three) that are in a nicer phase.

We are able to discuss this openly, just as they are able to express that they might prefer a specific parent over the other, or a specific sibling. They all know that the underlying love is there all the time, even if we aren't particularly getting along in the moment.

SmileLady · 22/07/2024 22:02

None of my 5 kids are my 'favourite'. But some are easier than others. My 12-year-old daughter is very 'spirited' and I secretly enjoy this....😅

Cleavagecleavagecleavage · 22/07/2024 22:04

No, I do not have a favourite, I love and like them all equally. I think DC1 thinks he’s my favourite, and given he’s been a massive pain in the arse to raise, i think it’s an achievement he can possibly think he is, given how much more bollocking he’s got than the rest of them! I hope that’s a sign I have shown them love equally even if they’ve needed different parenting sometimes. As my DD said - no one is the favourite and everyone is the favourite ❤️

ChickenPiesRule · 22/07/2024 22:06

My family think the cat is my favourite (some days she is) :-)

ChubSeedsYorkie · 22/07/2024 22:12

Yep definitely but only got the one baby so far so easy for me to say 😂

Itsallaboutthemoneymoney · 22/07/2024 22:14

I don't think most parents would admit to it, or even realise they do it. If you are the favourite kid (adult child) you'd never admit to it as usually in your head, the extra attention or forgiveness is deserved. But you certainly know when you're not favourite!
In my family we are all females amongst one male, the first born 🙄

Coolblur · 22/07/2024 22:16

No one will ever admit this. I do believe many people genuinely think they don't have a favourite when it's clear to those around them that they do. I certainly see this in lots of people.
This is how the golden child/scapegoat dynamic often develops. I don't think every parent who creates this with their children deliberately does so, it's an unconscious, and toxic, bias.
I think parents should work hard to ensure they don't have favourites, or at the very least that their children don't realise if they do. It's so damaging to everyone, including the favoured child.

Clueless2024 · 22/07/2024 22:16

Ofcourse.

My eldest is my favourite 17 year old.

My youngest is my favourite 13 year old.

Cherubs4 · 22/07/2024 22:17

I don't have a favourite, they're all amazing

Callmemel · 22/07/2024 22:17

I was, and still am, the least favourite. It was less obvious as a child, but very obvious as I look back with adult eyes, and how things are now.

My mum has sort of admitted it, but can't offer a reason why. I was a good kid, a quiet teen and and un-needy adult. It's sad, and I spend a lot of time thinking about it.

So, possibly as a result, I do not have a favourite child. They all ebb and flow in terms of behaviour/annoyance/loveliness etc., but the idea of having a favourite isn't something I try to suppress: it's just not within me.

Whatafustercluck · 22/07/2024 22:18

Honestly no favourites. Youngest has been way more difficult than eldest, but I love their characters equally. Ds because of his kind sensitivity and laid back attitude, dd because she is absolutely hilarious and utterly focused and determined. I'd be lost without either one of them.

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 22/07/2024 22:18

Interesting - at different times I connect with different kids in different ways, I love them all but I would say I enjoy being their mum to differing degrees based on a lot of factors. However everything is transient and I know my most difficult one can have great moments and my easiest can be a pain and that next week it could all change.