To feel like this about home interiors...

[ComfyOldRockingChair]

This is a funny one to try and explain but I'll give it a go, hopefully this makes sense.
I have a friend who had the loveliest little house, it was a standard 3 bed semi but she had filled it with little crafts that her and her daughter made together (nice things that looked good on display, not just mouldy pasta necklaces!) it was clean but never 'spotless' and always felt welcoming, I loved going to see her and relaxed almost immediately when we got chatting.
On paper I have a 'better' house, bigger rooms, the kitchen is about 3x bigger than my friends but in the decades we have lived here, through multiple redecorations I have never managed to make it feel so homely and welcoming.
We have now decided to move, the house we are moving to is similar to my current house but smaller and I desperately want it to feel like 'home'.
Will it feel cosier just by being smaller? Style wise it is pretty much my exact taste decoratively speaking, so if I have done something wrong with my current house the new one will have the same issue!
There is nothing I can put my finger on in my current house as to why I don't get the 'feeling' here, I have tried everything ....we must have a hundred blankets dotted around the place, no stark colours on the walls etc.
I am trying to work out if this is a me problem (that will follow us when we move) or a current house problem (dodgy lay lines or something 😆) that I can leave behind.
Aibu to think my new house will solve the problem?

Talk us round your living room? (Or post a non-outing photo, which I appreciate is probably near impossible.)

What do you mean by ‘crafts’ your friend and her daughter hang around that make their house look homely and welcoming?

To some extent yes. Super large rooms often arent cosy or inviting without large amounts of fabric....
I also dislike homes with no personal effects

I make no crafts, ever, and DS’s creations are more frightening than anything, and the only cleaning is done by a weekly cleaner, but I think our (bog-standard) Victorian house looks welcoming.

I would say it’s a combination of being rather battered (we had a leak through one ceiling which has made the blue wall paint turn this fabulous mottled green in one area which we liked and decided not to paint over), deep, warm colours on the walls and upholstery (eg the living room is Inchyra blue with a mustard colour sofa and kilims on the floorboards), lots of comfortable places to sit, table and floor lamps rather than overhead lighting, books, furniture that looks like what it is — random stuff from auctions. An open fire in cold weather. Lots of bookshelves.

I hate to say but I think its unlikely to change much in a different house. Some people just have an inherent skill for putting random things together and making it look and feel gorgeous. My best friend is the same. We both have travelled lots over the years and she always picks up beautiful “souvenirs”, whether it’s a piece of art, an ornament, a ticket stub, a map. She places them around her home and it’s so tasteful and lovely. I tried to emulate what she created and it looks like a jumble sale in my house.
seriously considering asking her for help when we next move house. Maybe you could ask your friend for some suggestions as you love her style so much.

I would ask your friend for some tips, maybe ask her to go shopping with you to buy the basics like curtains, sofa, cushions, rugs. I think If you get those things right, it has a big impact on the overall feel of a room.

It might not be decor. It might be that they’re so welcoming and you’re looked after there. Or perhaps a scent? Or it could be a style thing! The tone of the colours you pick (warm vs cool) per perhaps the lighting in the room?

I wonder if you might feel more relaxed and at home in your friend's house mainly because it isn't yours?
None of it is your responsibility and you can (subconsciously ? )overlook anything you don't like because it's your friend , you don't live there, you're not judging.

. "It might be that they’re so welcoming and you’re looked after there."
and this ^^

I think generally it's having enough stuff around that looks personal to you, but not too much as to be overwhelming. Comfortable furniture and things that looked a bit lived in. Where there is a bit of mix and match going on with old and new. In a larger space ,over sized furniture. Not the current trend, a nod to it if you want to.

Lamps rather than overhead lights, something made of vintage wood in each room (drawers, table etc), warm palette and personal items. Buy preloved art etc to add character and soul. Stay away from mass-produced. That should do the trick!

I'd love to get your friend's advice!

I think it's down to understanding warm v cool – I read that rooms should be roughly 80% of one, with 20% of the other. Then there's cosy textiles. And items that are meaningful/unusual. And soft, varied lighting at different heights. There are also design 'rules' like having large rugs with the front feet of furniture on them. (I don't mean 'rules' in a snobby prescriptive way.)

Currently trying to do this to my home, and thinks like a vintage stool with a trailing plant on are really nice.

I’ve noticed a common theme in the homes I feel are “homely” and welcoming…

They reflect the personality of who lives there, who is presumably someone you like. So their homes aren’t filled with items from your usual high street stores but are a collection of antiques, thrifted/upcycled pieces, things they’ve collected from travels or have been given to them by family or friends, all just things they genuinely LOVE.

They could probably tell you a story about where everything came from or at least remember where they bought it, because it all has meaning to them.

Also nice lighting/lamps, mixtures of fabrics and textures, and plants! Plants and flowers (real only!) always seem to make a space feel inviting and alive.

If your friend is artistic she more than likely has a good eye. I have a sister who can take a couple of things into a room and transform it.

I know she keeps to a simple palette of colours repeated in rooms. Each room she takes one of the colours as the feature colour.

Thanks everyone, from the sounds of your suggestions I am doing things 'right' to get the feel I want.
We have a mix of old and new furniture, some of it was my grandmother's!
I have subtle wall lighting and lamps dotted around, a very large comfortable (second hand) sofa, lots of pretty nick naks picked up on days out at little charity shops etc etc. It still never feels like it is my home, I must have redecorated at least four times since we have lived here so there is nothing of the old owner left!
I think maybe it's a me problem 😞

Some people are good at interiors and some aren’t - like any creative discipline really. Could you afford to get an interior designer in to help you create the space you want?

Maybe you just haven't figured out what you really love yet? It took me until my mid-thirties. If you've redecorated a lot, that suggests you're not sure what you like.

Kate Smyth (interior designer, written some books) has nice tips on this. One is to go through your wardrobe and pick out your favourite clothes. Then use that vibe as a guide for your home.

Do you have Pinterest boards? You can look for common themes in the pics you love.

Excitingly, you have a chance to look at it all afresh soon!

I think we feel differently about places we visit and enjoy the company. Would you want to live in her home? Ask your friend about anything you could change, she'd probably be chuffed as long as she knows you won't be offended.

The walls are a kid of dusty blue colour (love this colour, hard to explain but doesn't feel cold!) The woodwork is gloss white and a mid grey carpet. Two large soft sofa's and a TV unit in shade that sort of matches the walls. It has thick intricate coving on the ceiling, a large ceiling rose with a more modern, 4 piece twist light. We only every really use the wall lights or lamp though.
I have my bits and bobs, flowers etc on the shelves.
Written down it sounds like blandsville x100 but it does feel relaxing and I worry if I add to much stuff it will be cluttered!

I would always find blue, gloss white and grey cold not and definitely not homely. To me a warm colour palette would be my starting point.

I think it’s probably your friend’s energy you are responding to rather than her house/decor. Some people just have that effect on those around them.

Do you have people round to your house a lot? What do they think about it?

Thanks, I'm 40 though so I should have an idea by now!
Interestingly when I redecorate I always go for a similar style, muted colours (never white or cream, actual colour) I also tend to like more traditional design rather than anything ultra modern. I could be very wrong but I don't feel like it's the decor as such that is letting me down.
The only way I can describe it is like I am playing house in someone else's home even though I have owned it for close to two decades!

gloss white is quite clinical I think, I’d go for a heritage eggshell instead and grey carpet is also not very welcoming or cosy. Modern twist light on a period ceiling rose sounds jarring to me - could you swap for something more in keeping with the setting?

What colour would you suggest, I'm going to sound like a contrary madam now but my favourite colours tend to be blues, greens, greys etc, usually in a chalky/dusty finish. It looks classic and timeless to me but maybe I'm looking at it all wrong.

I think the new house has a more traditional light fitting!

Maybe mid-century is where you want to be...

Warm pale grey walls. Bring in your blues with a warm blue (yes, it exists) sofa – or throws/cushions if you can't afford new sofa. Sounds like you've got no wood? Need wood! Neutral rug but one that has texture. Add more pattern. Striped/checked cushions. Bring in some metal/brass in the form of lamps or side tables.