Parents talking about giving db more in their will

[Arethereshootingstarstonight]

Before I start, I don’t care about money, adore my parents and hate when they bring up when they die to me-their funeral plans etc.
Mum was talking about things like this again and started to say about how they probably wouldn’t have the house sold and split equally three ways when they pass-to my older brother, myself and younger sister, as they’ve always spoken about in the past.
My db I believe is undiagnosed neurodivergent-likely autism. He moved out with a girlfriend when younger, but ended up back at my parents house, has a part time low paying job, pays my mum a v low amount of board-£20 per week and has lived like this for years and years.
My sister had a family youngish, moved out, split up and has worked and been a single mum for years, studying to progress further in her career
Myself-uni degree, always worked-from school age, through college, uni etc, then full time, bought house, have one child and Dh
We are not wealthy, we’ve lived away for years and have done everything ourselves, we work hard for the things we have and for Dd, we’ve had many hard times in life and financial struggles, and many good times.
Similar for my Ds, who had a very tough time and still does being a single mum, but has worked really hard.
I believe autism may be in the family and see signs in myself and Ds but neither of us have been assessed
Mum was saying because db only has a part time job and has never earned much, it would be really hard for him to get a house (he also has some years of being unemployed and will have many years without a full pension)
From what my mum was saying, he’d be getting more than us.
On one hand can see why she’d do this, on the other I’m not sure if I would and believe it’s only fair to split equally regardless of the way life has panned out.
My Db has an easier life in lots of ways, no responsibility, buys lots of things for himself and so on, but also I feel sorry that he hasn’t been able to make a life for himself.
I know my Ds would be annoyed if she knew as says he should have moved out and made his own way.

Any opinions? Would you always split your will/inheritance equally between your children?

My mum lives in her house owned outright (albeit in a developing country). There’s 4 of us but my brother has autism but they don’t diagnose in my home country unless severe. He’s struggled his whole life with everything. He worked hard and finished secondary sch and has a diploma but in my home country, even people with masters degree don’t have proper jobs so he has no chance really. He has a very low paying job but works hard at it, I can’t see him progressing beyond that.
When my mum dies, the house will either go to him or it’ll be that he can live there for as long as he lives and then it can be shared when he’s gone and me and my 2 other siblings are all fine and very happy about this. I’m glad that even if I might be supporting him to pay some bills, it’s not going to be much and he has accommodation for life. It’s not about equality but equity, he didn’t ask to be born with additional needs. it’s easy for you to say that he should work more, etc but there’s no way you can say how much his needs is holding him back. I didn’t get support from my mum as she wasn’t well off but I’m happy providing support for her now
Myself or my siblings are not well off by any means but we won’t watch one of us be worse off. If there was no inheritance, we’ll be living our lives any way.

Not at all but they do care about fairness. They care if one sibling gets handouts while the other doesn't (whatever the reasons). Estates are weird and inheritance can be life changing. Of the 30 yr olds that I know, the ones who have bought property could do it because of an inheritance, for example.
The problem here is whether brother is actually struggling or dossing.

I’m one of four. I had a sibling with autism and LDs who lived at home with my parents. When they became elderly they told us that that were going to leave their home and the majority of their cash to our disabled sibling so they could continue to live in the house for the rest of their life.

When my parents told this to our disabled sibling’s social worker she said ‘oh great then other disabled people can move into the other bedrooms maybe and they can all live together in the house. This was not what my parents had envisaged at all. In their mind social services would provide some genteel housekeeper to take over their role and live like a substitute parent in the house. It was explained that this would not be the case.

when my parents went to make their will, the solicitor quizzes them about how much they wanted to set aside for repairs to the property, who would administer the repairs, what would happen about day to day expenses and replacing furniture, carpets, cleaning, gardening etc. Our parents brushed this under the carpet and said ‘oh the other siblings will sort all of that out’.

So the other three of us were potentially left with no inheritance, but the worry of maintaining and paying repairs on an old house, with a large garden,inhabited by our sibling who had no idea about safety, would undoubtedly invite unsafe visitors in, and had a tendency to hoard.

Luckily, our family accountant had set up various trusts for vulnerable people and dissuaded my parents from their original plan. When they died, quite a few years ago now, the house and money went into a trust to benefit our disabled sibling, administered by us. As my parents had lived long lives, my sibling was already in their early seventies and had suffered very bad health, having a number of strokes in short succession. Once our parents died social services provided four very short visits to the parental house each day, which meant that the disabled sibling was in effect an isolated prisoner in the house. We were able to sell the house and find a good care home where our sibling is very happy and properly looked after. Something that we would not have been able to do had they been left the house to themselves. These things have to be carefully considered. If someone is vulnerable and on their own the answer is not always to give them assets outright.