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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is trying on someone else’s engagement ring a faux pas?

88 replies

Potee · 19/07/2024 16:19

So my sister and I are very close, both in age and relationship. I literally can get changed in front of her no issue and we spend a lot of time together. Best friends, share beds on holiday etc. 11 month age gap.

Sister became engaged very recently. When I saw her I congratulated her and obviously asked to see the ring. I asked if I could try it on and she gave it to me. No issue.

Anyway, yesterday my sister and I were having a disagreement and it was one of the fights where you bring every fault into it. And she said something about how my asking for the ring was just plain weird. I apologised later and said I genuinely didn’t know it was a faux pas. Like when I bought my posh birthday watch she tried it on and i thought it was similar thing.

Have since googled and realise some people think it is bad luck but I know sister is not aware of this superstition.

AIBU in thinking I wasn’t deliberately being inappropriate? And her words were just designed to hurt.

I don’t like this implication I have no boundaries. I am actually far too concerned with offending/annoying others.

OP posts:
Eyeworries2024 · 19/07/2024 16:21

It's just a ring...

KimberleyClark · 19/07/2024 16:21

It is odd. Like asking to try on someone else’s glasses. What’s the point?

GreatSquareNova · 19/07/2024 16:22

My friend tried her friend’s ring on…and ended up marrying that guy!

Rainbowsponge · 19/07/2024 16:22

I let everyone try mine on, who cares 🤷‍♀️

StJanetof · 19/07/2024 16:22

I’m not sentimental at all but I think it’s weird to ask. Why would you want to try it on? I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone to do it.

That said, it’s just a bit of old metal, so what do I know!

MojoJojo71 · 19/07/2024 16:23

Why did she let you then if she thought it was weird? If she had a problem with it she could have said no

PerkyMintDeer · 19/07/2024 16:24

There's no way I would have let you try mine on! Would have said I'd had trouble getting it on and off or something as an excuse.

I do think it was weird of you. But then you'd think I was weird so maybe we all are lol!

Spinet · 19/07/2024 16:24

If you can have the kind of disagreement where you bring all kinds of faults into it and still be friends - presumably - you have the kind of relationship where she could have said 'no that's weird' at the time. think no more about it.

SanMarzano · 19/07/2024 16:24

It’s weird. An engagement ring is not the same as other jewellery. It comes across as trying to make the engagement about you.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/07/2024 16:25

It’s inappropriate, yes.

masomenos · 19/07/2024 16:25

My SIL has asked to try on my engagement ring a number of times (which is a bit weird: it's the same ring Confused). I don't mind and have said sure each time. But it is a bit weird. I think it's because for her it's "wow!! diamonds!!" whereas for me it's a symbol of love between her brother and me. Either way, it's not a big deal. It really is just jewelry.

Original poster
Potee · 19/07/2024 16:26

its just more upset that all of a sudden there are these rules between us. There are plenty of times she’s crossed the line with me but I’ve never implied there is a boundary issue going on.

It’s just a bloody expensive, big diamond. I was curious whether it would suit me. No more no less

OP posts:
Original poster
Potee · 19/07/2024 16:28

My parents call me a magpie cause I like shiny things. Doesn’t even have to be expensive objects. Anything that dazzles, reflects the light, shines etc.

OP posts:
Readmorebooks40 · 19/07/2024 16:31

When I got engaged I let people try on my ring and similarly I've tried on friends & sisters rings. I never knew it wasn't ok. 😂 I don't understand why that is offensive. It's usually cause someone thinks its pretty and want a closer look and see what it looks like on their hand. I think it's a compliment. Probably depends on where you're from and who you hang out with but with a sister it really shouldn't be a thing. My sister got a gorgeous ring from her husband for her 50th and we all had a go at trying it on and seeing it sparkle. 😂 Now getting it stuck on your hand would be a whole different story ...

Spinet · 19/07/2024 16:31

its just more upset that all of a sudden there are these rules between us Awh, sorry you're feeling like that. A sister getting engaged is a big thing but things will settle into their new normal soon enough. I don't know about you but my sister and I always have a big row when things are feeling a bit unsettled. I think it's because we feel safe enough to let off a bit of steam with each other. Just let it blow over; I'm sure it will.

DramaAlpaca · 19/07/2024 16:34

I wouldn't have an issue with letting someone try on my engagement ring. I'm sure I allowed friends, sisters-in-law, whoever to try mine when I got it (about a thousand years ago). If they were struggling to get it on I might call a halt in case it got stuck, but it really wouldn't bother me.

But then, I swap my engagement ring around with other rings that fit my ring finger, so I'm maybe not the person to ask. I sometimes wear a diamond engagement ring that used to belong to another woman (my late aunt) for example, or a pretty emerald ring that DH bought me one Christmas, or the antique one I got for my last birthday. I'm not that sentimental about my actual engagement ring, but I do think it's the most beautiful piece of jewellery I own.

My wedding ring is probably more precious; I wouldn't let anyone try that on.

vincettenoir · 19/07/2024 16:36

I believe you that you didn’t mean to cause offence. But it doesn’t follow that your sister only mentioned it to hurt you. It’s more likely that she did feel uncomfortable at the time but it only came out during the argument. I don’t think she’ll take it to the grave though. It’ll be forgotten soon enough.

Member984815 · 19/07/2024 16:38

It's a tradition where I'm from to try on the ring twist 3 times and make a wish , you did nothing wrong.

SausageRoll2020 · 19/07/2024 16:57

I wouldn't let anybody try on my wedding or engagement rings and I would never ask to try on anyone else's.

But if you'd have asked me I'd have just said no, not let you try it on and then raise it in an argument at a later date.

Some boundaries in your relationship might be a good thing, from your posts it sounds like maybe you have never really progressed from your childhood sibling relationship and almost see her as an extension of yourself.

Boomer55 · 19/07/2024 17:12

I wouldn’t have done it, nor would I have allowed anyone to try mine on. Like wedding rings, they are just for one person to wear.

FuzzyStripes · 19/07/2024 17:15

If any of my close friends wanted to try on and wear my engagement ring, I wouldn’t mind at all.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 19/07/2024 17:15

You're meant to try it on and turn it 3 times towards your heart for true love!

CelesteCunningham · 19/07/2024 17:17

Never heard this! We all tried on each others rings when we got engaged, fancy jewellery, what's not to love? Your sister is being weird.

Marblessolveeverything · 19/07/2024 17:17

That is hilarious, it's cultural here to put an engagement ring on an unmarried woman's finger and turn it three times and make a wish.

deeahgwitch · 19/07/2024 17:20

Member984815 · 19/07/2024 16:38

It's a tradition where I'm from to try on the ring twist 3 times and make a wish , you did nothing wrong.

I'm in Ireland and it's traditional to do that.
Traditionally you can't wish for a man or money but you can wish for a rich (and generous) mother in law.Smile

I just wish for a happy marriage for the newly engaged couple.

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