Is trying on someone else’s engagement ring a faux pas?

[Potee]

So my sister and I are very close, both in age and relationship. I literally can get changed in front of her no issue and we spend a lot of time together. Best friends, share beds on holiday etc. 11 month age gap.

Sister became engaged very recently. When I saw her I congratulated her and obviously asked to see the ring. I asked if I could try it on and she gave it to me. No issue.

Anyway, yesterday my sister and I were having a disagreement and it was one of the fights where you bring every fault into it. And she said something about how my asking for the ring was just plain weird. I apologised later and said I genuinely didn’t know it was a faux pas. Like when I bought my posh birthday watch she tried it on and i thought it was similar thing.

Have since googled and realise some people think it is bad luck but I know sister is not aware of this superstition.

AIBU in thinking I wasn’t deliberately being inappropriate? And her words were just designed to hurt.

I don’t like this implication I have no boundaries. I am actually far too concerned with offending/annoying others.

I remember it feeling really odd when my SIL (who is quite superficial and spendy) asked me to take my ring off so she could have a look at it? I gave her a bit of a flustered ‘no’ - it just seemed rude. I half thought she was going to bite it to check the quality!

This!!!! Everyone who gets engaged hands over their ring to friends, colleagues, acquaintances . . . tis good luck 🍀🍀🍀

I was waiting for this comment to pop up, we do this too, where I'm from.

Same here.

Haven't read the full thread cos I'm lazy but where I'm from trying on someone else's new engagement ring and twisting it round three times brings good luck in love. Not actually obviously but it's a thing. Bride to be actually offers round her ring.

Ffs just read the thread. Sorry I did that annoying thing.

I'm Irish and, as previous posters have said, it's a tradition here.

However, when I started by first real job in my early 20's I had never heard of this tradition. One of my colleagues had gotten engaged so I went up to congratulate her. She took the ring off and handed it to me. I held it up, looked at it, and said "it's lovely" or something and handed it back to her. It was only when she gave it to other people and they did the whole twisting and were reminded they couldn't wish for a man or money that I realised it was a thing.

She's being absurd. You asked to try on her ring, not shag her fiance.

I assume quite a few customers in the jewellery shop would have tried it on before her anyway. I must have tried on about sixty across four different shops.

Perfectly normal to try on engagement rings in my experience. And as others have said you turn it 3 times and make a wish. (Scottish)

I’ve worn my sisters while she went surfing. It was then I discovered I have sausage fingers compared to her lovely slender ones 😭

Yes it's a bit weird

I wouldn’t like it. You don’t need to put it on, you can just look, why would you try it on? I find it a bit odd, but then she gave it to you so can’t really whinge.

I do think it's a bit odd to ask someone to try on a piece of their jewellery but not specifically an engagement ring. But then as you are so close I suppose that is why - like you're used to sharing things? But it is mean of your sister to say nothing at the time and then moan about it later. But as you say if it was one of those arguments she could have just said it in the moment and not really meant it.

I think the trying on of the engagement ring is a total thing, everyone's had a shot of mine and I've seen everyone do it when one of the girls has gotten engaged, I think the bride to be finds it quite complimentary and nice to show off her lovely ring. I have large cocktail ring I was given for my first child, that was 13 years ago and people still ask to try it on too. I would be horrified if my sister was miffed at me trying on her ring, I'd want her to try mine so we could chat , compare etc

It’s intrusive. I assume you wouldn’t pop on her wedding dress before the wedding and give her a twirl, would you?

Maybe she was annoyed that she was telling you some really important news and you were distracted because you like shiny things.

Definitely don't think this is weird at all -every time I see my friend she puts my ring on for a large chunk of the time. She loves it. So do I and I love it that my friends want to admire it too.

There are so many different types of ring as well - I don't think you'd know what looks good on you when your time comes, if you haven't tried on lots of styles. Different strokes, different folks xx

This. She should have said at the time. A married friend tried mine on and I didn't think anything of it, we just had a laugh. However I have seen a couple threads where it was say, the poster's boyfriend's bratty teenage sister who was demanding to try it on. I think it's a boundary if you don't have a close relationship.

So is taking someone's engagement ring, twisting it 3 times towards your heart and making a wish a traditional thing in Scotland and Ireland but not in England ?
Is it done in Wales ?
The US ?
Africa?
Asia ?
Australia?
New Zealand?
Just wondering.

Done in Scotland, well, when I was young, you’d need to ask the ‘young ones’ if it’s still done.

I'm pretty sure I tried my sister's on when it was new and a novelty! Both of us are not sentimental about wedding/engagement rings. To me they don't really symbolise anything, they are just social norms in the form of a nice piece of jewellery! Maybe your sister isn't on the same page as you with this one. Which is fine. I think you are more hurt at her delivery of the decision that it's 'weird' than anything to do with the ring. I get that. It's perhaps a flaw of her personality to rewrite history during an argument. Give it no more thought.

You say you share everything. An engagement ring is special to some. It's something chosen specifically for them and only them by a special person.

Your sister clearly feels this way and that you've tried to take the uniqueness away from her by asking to try on the ring. The fact she felt she couldn't say no also says something about your relationship.

Maybe try drawing some boundaries on things in future (why would you need to share a bed on holiday?!?!)

I was just gonna say this... you make a wish but if I remember you can't wish for man or money ?

I definitely think this op might ask. Probably before her sister had even tried it on for the first time.

I think it's weird, maybe it's an age thing as I know the younger ones at work think nothing of trying on someone's engagement ring (and sending a photo to their boyfriend).

I always thought it was bad luck to wear a ring on that finger too.